oatmeal's diary

2005-11-11T01:07:00.000+08:00

Hello guys, my new blog address is www.rainbowofhope24.blogspot.com.. see ya there!

2005-11-08T11:46:00.000+08:00

Holidays in progress... Trying to make it fun filled and exciting. But then again it seems pretty boring. So i spend my time doing more volunteer work, watching more tv, knitting, sometimes going out with friends, spending time with my brother. We even planned on going night fishing. Just hope we carry out our plans. The weather is damn lousy... Yesterday I think I was under the sun too long and i had a massive headache. Its the kind of weather that you dun really feel like going out... Haiz.

Anyways yesterday i went to the safra gym for the first time and did some work out on my shoulders and stomach muscles. i also ran about 3 km on the treadmilll... I think I prefer running around bedok reservoir but running on the treadmill is definitely more effective. Its a bit stressful cause u can't stop even if you are very tired. Anyways its a first time experience in the gym lah... I am a member of the school gym but i never seem to able to find the time to go...

Later going to my aunt's house with my mum. I figured might as well go out and visit those ppl i have not seen for quite some time... Later after that maybe go to the bank and make a new atm card (the old one broke into 2) and after that go for tkd (speaking of which, i never go back for a gazillion years). Feel a bit guilty for not going back , truthfully. But also feel damn lazy... someone stop that sinful thought!!!

Then tomorrow will be another busy day for me.. got volunteering for the Green campus day in school after which i which i can hopefully go to lianna's house (she invited us) to eat at her house (so sweet of her right), then i got cell in the evening at pei li house. Well, to have more programs is better than nothing on... so i should be grateful!

2005-11-01T11:20:00.000+08:00

Exams over... can't believe it... I am so happy!!! Been packing my books all all my stuff and throwing away alot of things. I did not know I got so many things accumulated since year 1.

2005-10-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

Up to now I still dunno what I have done.. well actually i do and i suppose and it all sparks from me sometimes not using enough common sense. Sometimes i hate myself for the way i am... My friend always tells me to love myself but events always make me feel that i am really not so lovable myself. In front of that person I try to be apathic (its generated over the years). Even when he says hurtful things i will try not to put it to heart... I am not able to communicate with him cause i dun want to open my heart to him. And when i do, he will say some hurtful thing again. I can't dislike him, so i will only dislike myself more . Now I am like a buckeet. My tears can't stop falling down my cheeks. I am not a robot. I also have feelings. I told myself I must be strong and tried to stop them from coming out but they wun stop. Dun worry about me, . These are all experiences to make me stronger. I will just continue studying. Sorry I am not the person you want me to be. Sorry for being me...

2005-10-28T19:06:00.000+08:00

Today was my A and E and oncology exam. But I dun really want to talk about it... I can only say I can wish for the best. And just look forward. I believe I am not the only person that finds its hard... anyways i have nothing to say... Haiz. (I am usually not very affected by exams, but for me to be...means something)

After that went out for a while b4 going back... I had a nice sleep. In the evening went for a jog around bedok reservoir. I guess sometimes exercising is a good way of stress relief. Summore some one told me I have put on weight... haha... (I admit it lah... cause recently i dun feel as healthy). I am very happy I did so. I started running with a heavy heart but after that i stopped cause i did not know i was feeling so upset for since it was over. So i just told myself i will throw all my troubles into the water. I wanted to shout but then a bit paiseh, since there were quite a few ppl there... I wun look behind, I will just look in front and do what i need to do in the time i am given with the best ability. The outcome is not for me to control. So I continued running with a lighter heart and body. I can do it!!! I wun let this little setback pull me down... Even if i fail (touch wood) . I will still be strong. Guess thats life... we fall, but must pull ourself up. Sometimes ppl can help you , but ultimately its a test for yourself. I think this applies to everyone.

After that i was very kpo and decided to loiter into TP... Its really nicer than NYP in my opinion. I wanted to loiter in somemore but then it started raining so i ran back... so half of bedok reservoir, I ran for my life to avoid getting wet. But in the end I still did... getting wet is better than running in the dark... haha (look on brighter side). But it was really a nice run. To me its a run to remember... haha!! Ok now I am ready to hit my books again...

2005-10-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

Today I had my first paper which was on mental health... It was quite a tricky paper and i really dunno if I can make it.. Hopefully my ICA project can pull up the grades for this one... now just worried about my A and E and cancer nursing. But I am sure God will make a way. Tomorrow I am going to Alina house to study... hOPe it will be productive... 2 brains are better than one.

Today when i was on my way back home I suddenly bumped into an old school mate of mine at bedok interchange. She was my GB mate and guess what , she is still very committed and goes back, not like me... I just remember those times we took part in drill competition and spent many afternoons praticing our drill... and i became so tanned until my skin could peel. She asked me whether I am interested to go for the 10th Gb anniversary... Woah man... I remember during sec. 2 we put up a concert for the 5th anniversary... I used to sing in the choir for the event.. it was quite an unforgettable experience. Time really flies man. soon you will see me with wrinkles.. Well I might go back... See whether I am free on that day. I will get my whole outcaste gang of GB to go with me... haha!!!

2005-10-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

"I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me." Philipians 4:13

2005-10-25T11:12:00.000+08:00

Dun give up, all of you in life.. You may succeed with another Blow. may God Bless you with a clear mind and good health and a happy heart! Muacks!

2005-10-24T10:21:00.000+08:00

Hello... Boo Hoo... Got "chased" out of the house today cause there is some renovation at home being done and it will be very noisy. Furthermore today my whole family is surprisingly at home... at the wrong time.! They want to do family bonding when I am in this stressful exam period mode. I can't get distracted... My father came back this morning. Dunno where he go for the last 2 months and seriously now I dun bother since he never seems to want to tell(even to my mum).. But oh well I still greet him and all that... Just now I am at this age that I dun really yearn much attention from him since I never really get it.. Dun worry, I dun feel anything. Its a fact already. But I bless my whole family and lift them up to your name...

God Bless me from distractions and that I can study smart! I feel so sleepy but I keep on waking myself up... Jia You Jia You Jia You... u can do it!!! Haha!! This is called self motivation by the way! Me currently now in sch. e plaza

2005-10-23T10:03:00.000+08:00

Hello... I changed my music to this one again... I just find it so encouraging and uplifting. A few days ago when i was walking past toa payou central to take the mrt to school I saw some Promotion for selling musical instruments. Someone was playing "Canon in D " on the piano. It was so soothing. I just fell in love with it... haha... actually i really envy those ppl who learnt musical instruments from young. Last time i used to learn to learn to play piano for a few lessons in china. It was in one of the houses we rented. Then i dunno why, we either had to move house or I came back to singapore. And the rest is history... I get touched very easily when i see ppl playing the piano... dunno why also...

Recently I have become very nostalgic and try ways and means to contact my old secondary friends. Probably I know if I dun try now, I would probably never get to talk to them again. I just want to know how are they. Are they doing well in the roads of their life after we parted.

Its really amazing. One thing I can never figure out is how time passes so fast. I still remember how 8 years ago i came to singapore with my mother. (I shall not give the details). My auntie picked us up from the airport and we were given a small room in "The Hiding Place" to live in. Those tattoed uncles and brothers were always there to take care of me. I was supposed to go to primary 6 but since it was already half year through I went to primary 5.

Then I went to secondary school. Sometimes I felt like i did not belong , especially in my CCA... cause i felt they were a bunch of hypocrites. Every week after the meetings I would go home to cry. However, I made some true lasting friends and even had someone I liked (though I dun think he ever liked me but I still think of him now and then). And there was someone unfortunately that liked me but I never thought of him that way. Then in sec. 4 alot of things happened that made me feel very sad. But it did make me stronger.

But that fateful year passed and I decided to join nursing after sec. school (probably the only wise major I made myself despite my parent's initial objections). I wanted my presence to bring warmth to ppl and ppl to feel loved and accepted even if they were dying. I wanted their life to be meant living. So these 3 years of poly have passed in a gist... I am enjoying it though there are ups and downs. I still remember my very first assessment, I did a simple stupid mistake and the lecturer said i didn't have any right to be a nurse. And there was another time during my first attachment in which I saw an old auntie I was close to pass away due to cancer and I had to do last office for her. I told one of the staff that i was feeling very sad. She told me if i get very emotional she doesn't think I can stay in this line. I was so traumatised and cried a fair bit.

After that I told myself I must be strong, at least for my patients. Sometimes I feel that no matter what happens now, my tears simply wun come out (even if I try forcing). In alot of aspects i have changed. Become more realistic , more practical, more sarcastic, less bulliable. But in many ways i am still the same. I still manage to retain my child likeness, gained more cheerfulness. i dunno what sort of person i am... go figure lah...

Ok , i am back to my books again.. ciao!!!

2005-10-23T00:59:00.000+08:00

This was my secondary school class bbq..
I could not come cause i was having attachment
until 9. Boo Hoo... Anyways its 2 years ago i think

2005-10-21T08:24:00.000+08:00

The early bird catches the worm... I agree with that. I think if you wake up after a nice sleep and start doing what you want. Your mind will be much more clear. That is exactly what I did. I feel so happy and at peace with myself. This morning did some revision and woke up at 6.30. I feel my brain is so clear and i can absorb all the info and have understanding of it... You all should try it too... In the morning, it is cool and refreshing... I just love it... Maybe this advice is not for those nocturnal beings out there... haha

Yesterday i went out to watch this really freaky show called "The Wig'. I almost got scared out of my wits. I encourage all those horror show fanantics to watch it... Its really freaky!!! Even my friend who was watching with me (who usually watches horror movies) started covering her face at all those really scary parts!!!

2005-10-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

I am very happy today. Today was a farely light hearted day... I think i better buck up and get into the exam mode like some of my very hard working friends. The day started with very 2 boring lectures and a clinical... But it picked up after that. We ate lunch at south canteen and me and eve ate at the noodle stall and the aunty put extra extra chili sauce in my noodles. It made my mouth feel extremely hot. After that we had a 2 hour consolidation period on HS3055... We did not get much tips for operative nursing but as for the other book by C.H (initials of the lecturer), she was precise in pointing out what exactly would come out. But I think on the safe side just try to learn everything, but if I will focus more on the impt points. Today my teacher was super cranky and she kept on joking with us. My friend said she is very happy cause she is getting married soon...

After that our clinical lecturer CLY, treated us to Canadian Pizza. However we had to wait for the malay students to break fast b4 we could eat. So b4 that we played a game called Murderer and Detective. It was pretty fun... I made a very subtle murderer as friends could not guess that i was the murderer. A few time I died a "wrongful death" cause i though I saw someone wink at me when actually the person was just blinking... Haha!!! But overall it was fun. I realise I have such contagious laughter. I can't stand it. When i stare at ppl i just feel like laughing... Even when i stare at serious looking ppl like brenda i started laughing... Dunno why. Maybe its cause i am happy today.

After that, Me, jacq, and Jenny took a cab back. I had to go for cell today so i dropped off near my friends house. Today my cell group members asked me why i have such big eye bags... I think its cause i am mentally tired recently. My friend told me to put a spoon in the freezer and when its cold put it on my eye sockets.. its good for cooling effect (something like putting cucumbers ). Anyways i admit I was a bit cranky today. i kept on laughing. but its good... It makes me feel young... Enjoy my youth when i still can!!! I enjoyed myself at cell today cause i just felt so light headed and light hearted... Haha!!! And i find my friend's family very warm and hospitable... Its really a blessing for her... My family is not the best and its not the worst. But whaever it is, it is not for me to choose, so i just have to learn to adapt and accept it for who it is... I hope there are many light hearted days like today... God Bless everyone!!! As for now, its time to get back to exam mode!!!

2005-10-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

I just love oncology.. though its chim... reading about it makes me feel very excited to know more... Although oncology teachers are a bit "scary and perfectioninst" I still like the topic pretty much! but everytime i think about it i will think about my first attachment in onco ward and my poor uncle that had cancer... haiz... anyways its still quite interesting... haha!!!

2005-10-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

~Inoccent Angel~
You have been untouched by reality. Greed, cruelty,
hate.. all those things you have not let them
effect you. You are fun loving, happy, easy
going and out going. You bring happiness
everywhere around you.
Never let reality et in the way, always make
your own way.
Weapon:Sceptor
"" Strength is wat i have, strength
to believe, strength to trust, strength to go
on through reality"

What is the angel form of your spirit?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-10-15T12:57:00.000+08:00

I am now studying a bit for my mental health exam next next wednesday and boy am i pissed. The lecture notes are just so vague and so broad i can't exactly point my finger at what am I suppose to study and i just realise (a bit late) there are 45 lectures not including some of my class mates class presentations that I photocopied. A part of the responsibility lies with me cause I found that sometimes the lecturer will babble on and on and my attention is not there... But i really find that the lecturer is a not a good in teaching lectures, rather she is better with small groups eg. teaching in tutorials or skills.Anyways I dun want to be someone to shift blames. In the end its my loss... Anyways I salute those ppl who take up mental health. Its indeed not easy and very challenging. The pain in the heart that your patients could be chronically mentally ill... Sometimes you dunno whether what you do for the patient is in vain . And yet there is still a bit of stigma among those in mental health. Maybe others might not respect you as much as those in emergency or OT but i salute you!!!

I used to think I wanted to go into mental health but now I am really questioning whether I am suitable for it... Lets just see how the posting goes... haha...

PS.: I am so sad... haiz.. 2 horrendously big pimples just popped up from my face.. so ugly.. haiz...

2005-10-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

I am feeling slightly tired.. dunno why i am like this since this morning I woke up full of energy... haha!!! Anyways today we only had a two hour lesson on stitching of wounds. I did around 5 stitches and even brought back a new pair of stitches my friend gave me.. maybe I can practice on my cat (nah... just joking!!!). Later going to celebrate my mom's birthday at Lucky Plaza (some steamboat place). Haiz, time really flies man... We are going to finish our last 2 weeks of clinical classes. next semester got no more clinical classes... haiz... I dunno whether I can make it in the real clinical setting... My sister told me, that the real learning really begins when we go to work, but I think learning is continuous and should not be segmented... Anyways enough said about that, thinking about it wun get me anywhere.

The past few days have really been tiring for me... I was kept busy with my project (which is the last for this sememster). The day b4 yesterday I only had 3 hours of sleep and when i came to school I was like a zombie... Worse of all I only came 2 minutes late and had to replace the whole hour... haiz.. blame me I have to say... Even if I give excuses wun help... Anyways so happy I finally have the project off my mind. can concentrate on studying for exams now!!! So happy!!!

Hear this new song I put up... This song was a song i used to listen to when i was in secondary school. I used to love Westlife... In the morning when i woke up i would listen to this song on some mornings when i woke up... haha... i think life is like that. We will fall down or meet tribulations but we must learn to pick ourself up...

2005-10-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

Hello... today I watched this super nice and touching show. Its a Chinese show with Andy Lau, Karen Mok and Felix Wong in it... The tiltle is "Wait until you are older".

Its about this boy call Xiao Guang who is very bitter to his stepmom and new family as he feel they caused the death of his mother. He tries ways and means to irritate and anger the stepmom and constantly runs away from home. He cannot wait for the day when he grows older and can leave his home in which he feels he does not belong. One day he chances upon a strange man who has a potion for making you grow older and steals it and drinks it. Surprisingly he grows into an adult as he wishes.

He can now do whatever he wanted to do including chasing after his school teacher as he has the body of an adult. But he finds out that his stepmom is not the cause for his mother's death and although he always says his father does not understand him. But he never once tried to understand his father's predicament and the grown ups were also living in pain. However he understood this all to late. He realised there is no reversing drug for the growing old process. When he found out the truth, he was very depressed. He asked that weird man to make him into a small boy again. But the man just said, " This is your cycle of life. Life is a one way road. There is no turning back. Although you have very little time, you still can make full use of it." (roughly what he said, but in chinese). In the end he confessed to his father and stepmom that he was sorry. However that time his body was deteriorating and he was already had the body of an 80 year old. The potion, I think made the body mature almost 10 to 20 years every day.

Anyways the moral of the story is that we should really treasure each other though our time we have left together is short. I will be the most beautiful memories of my life... This is the most beautiful story... Watch it. you won't regret it.

2005-10-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

Hello... are there some ppl even after many years you cannot seem to forget. Maybe they did certain small things to remember them, or maybe they had such a big impact on your life. Though you never see them for a gazillion years and really have no idea where they are, they will still appear in your thoughts frequently. Though you lost contact with them you still hope one day you might meet them. I feel like that sometimes. Pray that one day God will make us meet on our journey of lives. Even if it is only once, its more than I can ask for...

2005-10-09T10:31:00.000+08:00

Later is my green tip grading at toa payou stadium, Wish me all the luck. My only "yi han" is that Kavi is not there to do the pattern with me. Dun worry. I shall persist in bringing him back for training. On one day he will surely come back! But on the other hand I am not very motivated either... How??? Haha!!! God Help me!!!

I did one very stupid thing. On friday I never go for training and left my uniform inside my locker. So I am unifomless for todays grading. I wanted to go back to school and take then suddenly I bumped into hafiz on msn, And he actually offered to take it for me since he live nearer to school. Oh my goodness, I am really very touched. I am really very blessed I feel. To have such a nice friend... hehe... On friday jenny wanted the info for her food trail and he offered to go from his house is hougang? to bedok... This is way too much man... It feels as if we are so mean and evil... haha. anyways they met in bugis. which is central... haha... He's probably going to kill me for talking about him on my blog but well, it is a compliment you know. I am glad to have such a gentlemanly, nice, kind, abit naughty friend like you... haha!!!

Well after grading will have to rush back home slog for projects. getting a bit worried about one of my team members... Haiz... Must go after her later... stressed lah. next time I definitely dun want to be leader.

I seem to be happier from my previous grading that time... dunno why . There was a time in year 2 that I was basically in a very dark spirit and no body could get into my world. But now i know that sometimes we cannot control some things, so i choose to make the most of everything. Always look on the bright side of life... That time I wanted to think out about so many things cause I was a bit lost. But I realise there is actually nothing much to think about. The more I think the more depressed I become. Cause we are using our finite mind to think about infinite things. Thats why at that time i choose to give up and let go some things. I even decided to take that "short" break from tkd but after that long break I dun feel that motivation anymore. Alot of things are like that i suppose. Even friendship needs consistent watering and time and sincerity. I dunno whehter i did the right or wrong thing... haiz...

I choose to be simple minded hoping i will never lose that simple pleasure of life

2005-10-08T22:15:00.000+08:00

I just went to watch Cirque du Soleil "Quidam". Its really fantastic man... Everything is really amazing... I mean its really soo marvelous. I watched until my eyes big big. The people doing the stunts are just so graceful and flexible... No words can describe it... the stunts they do look as if they are not using much effort or energy. Actually i know they are using every muscle in their body... And there are pretty funny and humorous parts too...!!! Its really fantastic. Although the tickets are expensive but if I try to console myself they did put in a heck of an effort.. haha!!! The food and the souveniers there are damn expensive. One mineral water costs 5 dollars. Go figure... Anyways my sister bought the program guide. Has lots of pictures inside.

I went with my sister. She was also soo amazed since its the first time we see this sort of thing. After that I treated her to eat at Pastamania... And we spent some time chatting b4 going home. Got to know her a bit better... But i still think my sister is so much smarter than me. Maybe cause she got my father's intellectual genes. I hate myself cause i am so blur and sometimes do stupid things... Haiz... Not like my sister , so sharp and inquisitive. I know I should not compare but sometimes just really feel like that... Haiz... I just I am just so much like my mom ... But anyways we had a fun time... Really fun

2005-10-08T13:01:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking what will happen 10 or 20 years from now... Or even a few years later. What will I become of. Will I still be working as a nurse or resigned and doing something else. I really cannot say anything now...Some of my friends will already be married or maybe even having children. Sometimes I find life is really like an empty book in which we have to fill it up. There is never really a definite confirmation of where we go. One decision could lead to another and yet another. Will we still be the same ppl or totally changed by circumstances and the environment. Will we grow stronger or bitter from the lessons life has in store for us. I think the questions are endless. We are really just scared of the Unknown... In the book of our life there will be different chapters and challenges we will go through. I hope God will carry me throughout my life.

2005-10-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

I am now watching the show "Yummy Yummy" on channel U. Wouldn't say its a very nice show. In fact its a bit lame. Recently there have been quite a few nice shows on tv, and i am being entertained by them tremendously... Haha!!!

Today my friend Eveline came over to my house to do project. We were working on our emergency project that have to present next week... Anyways we had to use quite a bit of creativity and its a good thing i had eve there as she is obviously the more creative one compared to me... I wouldn't say we have finished. Just that its a good effort and we can continue and add more to it...Just hope all our effort will not go in vain.

Anyways i was actually intending to go for training after doing the project. But Eve kept on psychoing me not to go and kept on saying that we call alina and jenny out and we go and eat at Sumo House. At first I did not want to mostly cause sunday is my grading and i told my friend Fang Fang that I am going, but she kept on psychoing me until I cannot tahan... Haha!!! I think I have such weak motivation sometimes... Haha!!! Now i feel guilty for not going... We finish doing the project at 6.30 and after that me and Eve went to Jenny house and they were discussing about their food trail assignment. After that we went down to the coffee shop to eat our dinner. Though it wasn't at Sumo House but it was pretty good too...

I dunno how much time we have to be with each other but i will surely treasure it!!!

2005-10-06T07:21:00.000+08:00

I am sorry... I find I have been slacking in the sense I dun go for lectures. But recently I thought about it... Alot of ppl start to become naughty in year 3 and dun go for those less impt or boring lessons... I did follow suit I confess, but now as I think about it, I find I am being disrespectful to the lecturer. I started well in year 1 but i am at this state in year 3. This shows my degenerating attitude in class. I promise from me now till graduation i will finish the race well (even though sometimes the lessons are really boring). I will persever. As someone said we only have 9 weeks of acadamic module. God please bless me with discipline and an armour from all distractions.

2005-10-04T18:56:00.000+08:00

I am listening to this discussion on the radio when looking for a boy/girl friend usually what do you look for... They said during first impression physical looks is pretty important. It really sucks... haiz... Anyways I already told myself that whatever it is I must be happy. I used to always comment on my looks. I am not exactly very pretty, pretty much average looking and everytime i think about it i would get discouraged. But why in the world am i feeling like this. Just because I am not as pretty as those actresses on tv, I have to compare myself to them. I think the most important thing is I must be happy with myself. I must love myself. This is a lesson i gradually learnt over the years. I have a flat nose, buck tooth and sometimes got pimples but then god made all my features when I was in my mother's wound. And he is so creative he made me look different from all my friends. He also gave me good points too, he gave me a caring and cheerful heart, a nice smile and my nice double eye lids. Whatever it is, I am grateful that he made me... Although sometimes, I still feel ugly when i compare myself but i always tell myself i am God's master piece... And he has his plans for me! Dear God , Your will be done in my life!

2005-10-03T23:04:00.000+08:00

I just came back from cell... its pretty tiring as I had to go all the way to Tanah merah and walk to my friends hostel... But it was an enjoyable time of fellowship and I took over Theodora's worship again. I think I am improving in the worship... haha!!! I think the most important thing is still the heart of worship. Anyways I think in a group everyone must be proactive and contribute in some way or another. Then there will be peace and harmony... haha!!!

Today i went to school in the morning and did not go for the lecture... I feel I am getting naughtier and naughtier... Haha... I just went to school to do some research and study a bit. Anyways i am pretty tired cause yesterday i slept really really late, around 2.45 am... Yesterday my friend eve came over to my house (she wanted to wait for her boyfriend to finish work). She ate at the coffee shop across my house. Then after that we went to sit at the playground near my house and started playing on the swings. The we played on the see saw. It was quite fun considering how many years ago i last played it. We had a nice time chatting... After that she went up to my house to use the computer and play with my cat before her boyfriend fetched her at 2. Anyways thats basically these 2 days in a nut shell.. Sorry.. i dun feel very much like writing if you can see... so i shall bid my farewell...

2005-09-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

I just took a 2 hour nap... For me sleep comes easily, once i plop on bed i am drawn into sleep full of dreams. Sometimes I cannot remember what my dreams are about but i have a strong feelings sometimes my dreams are quite sad... and i wake up feeling a bit mentally tired.

Today I went to school for 2 lectures. Dunno why i was extremely hardworking today. It seems as if I was back in secondary school, working hard everyday and never ever hearing of the word SLACK. Anyways i am proud of myself for today but hopefullly i remain as consistent and disciplined as today. I really like my new subject today on oncology although i still find it very chim. I find it very challenging to learn about this disease that is hitting so many ppl nowadays. And i am hoping I can learn more to help ppl who have this sickness...

2005-09-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

I had my clinical assessment just now... I really feel like banging my head. I really did not want intubation to come out. I try not to say it out but actually in my heart i really did not want it... And in the end that is exactly what i got... My assessor was DC... she is the clinical manager... Pretty strict I would have to say but she did prompt me several time, not that i did not know my stuff just that i got it all in different sequence... personally i thought i was going to fail... She too was saying whether she should pass me or fail me but in the end she passed me... Actually I feel rather shocked... I dunno if one of my other classmates who is not on good terms with DC, did the test and made the same mistake... would she pass like me, or get picked for every little mistake.

I find God has indeed blessed me in all things that I do... Although I sometimes forget to include him in my daily life and only pray so powerfully during troubles, he is indeed gracious... Cause I can feel his presence in my life (at least most of the time... haha). Thank you God!

2005-09-26T11:39:00.000+08:00

And so I am back hear in the lab again.. Monday blues... The rest of the week will be better but i just hate mondays.. well just make the most of each day (the saying goes). I was so nervous that this morning i woke up at 7 to practice my skills... haha,,. i know . i know. I am kiasu... Haha!!! Then on the way to school i took the route to toa payou and could not resist not eating kfc... I have dreaming about kfc in my dreams and wanting to eat it for a long time... I think its ppl influence over me... last week a few of my friends told me they ate kfc so my mouth started to water.. i am such a lazy glutton.. Haha!!!

And i wasn't really in a very smily mood this morning, but the cashier made me feel very happy cause she was so friendly... This reminds me of the time i was working in BK... The work was tough initially but after i got the gist of it i think i really did really good... And the manager always put me in the cashier and she made me train those old aunties to use the cashier or get around on the first few days.. i GUESS i have more patience bah... and I definitely can click well with the aunties and uncles.. haha!!! Then i remember when i was working, off course it was to get experience and some money. But i enjoyed what i did.. my pure intention was that it makes me feel happy to see my customers happy... That I can hopefully brighten someones day.

Now in my nursing course, my intentions are more or less the same... except it is much more challenging in nursing... My intention is to bring relief to the patient, to bring a smile or word of encouragement to them... And for those that are dying to let them have a piece of mind b4 they go. I will pray for them... it is not as simple as when i was working as a cashier. in fact much much tougher until i wonder if I am cut really out for such high stress, burn out job... But that is my initial intention why i wanted to join in the first place and i will stick by it... Thank god for encouraging friends that stay by me.. If not for you all.. I dun think i can stay on so long.

2005-09-25T23:41:00.000+08:00

2005-09-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

2005-09-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

I
love
Astroboy!!!

2005-09-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

Hello.. Haiz.. I am still worried about my test tomorrow... Dunno why I am so worried also... Anyways I really feel that the week end passes damn fast... I dun feel like going back to school to face reality... Someone please wake me up please.

Anyways yesterday I had lots of fun... I never felt so happy in a long time. I went out with my friend Angelina. And the 2 of us went to Cafe Cartel in City Hall and ate a big portion of Pork Ribs and a mango smoothie. Angelina used to work in cafe cartel... haha!!! So she has discount. After that we walked to the esplanade and took alot of pictures. Then she brought me to the big field in front of the supreme court (Do you call it the padang?). There was a movie screening there . It was a theme of watching movie under the stars. Anyways Angelina won tickets to gain entry to this event. I saw alot of familys and children around. They were showing 2 instalments of Harry potter. One was the "Chamber of Secrets" and the other one i forgot the name... Anyways we only stayed to watch the "Chamber of secrets". I am not a big fan of Harry Potter, and this is actually the first time i really sit down and watch the movie once through. I would have to say its not bad and actually funny at times.

But time really passes very fast when we are enjoying ourselves. Haiz...

2005-09-23T21:53:00.000+08:00

Oh dear. i am really worried about the practical test on monday.. It did not really help that they just told us yesterday. Blame me for all this last minute preperation. I really suck at ETT intubation. Today is like the 2nd time i am doing it... I really cant remember so many things... hehe...

I

2005-09-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. today I feel I did something good yet something stupid. Just now when me and alina were at Bugis, I happened to chance upon a wallet on the floor. It seemed like everyone was ignoring it and just walking pass it... So I picked it up... The aunty who was a shopkeeper told me to pass it to the security guard. So I went around looking for one... On the way however I opened and saw it was from an Indonesian student. I think he just withdrawed money cause there had got to be at least 10 fifty dollar notes (singaporean currency). Adding up to about a 1000 dollars and there was some Indonesian currency. All the cards were Indonesian cards. I passed it to the security counter and I had to do some procedure to declare that I picked it up and they counted the money in front of me... After that i told alina that if other ppl had picked up the wallet, i think they would not be able to withstand not taking the money. I told her even if I took it i would not be able to get over my conscience... haha!!! My mom told me she was very proud of me, cause alot of ppl are money minded but i choose to be honest... Then my brother told me I was really stupid. I should have taken the money and used it... Anyways I have no regrets doing what I did with my whole heart. Just that he scared me and told me the securtiy guard will probably take the money... haiz... I think I should have given it to the police instead... Did I do something wrong. Now I feel damn stupid. Just cause I wanted to get it out of my hands as fast of possible so i passed it to the security guard. Am I being foolish. The security guard looks honest but can I base my judgement solely on that. I think now the situation is not within my means. I can only wish the person will get back his wallet and belongings.

2005-09-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

A very touching story

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home from the war. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!!

2005-09-15T12:42:00.000+08:00

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ....AND YOU WILL CRY...

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When canI see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't makeit." Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care anymore? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of thenurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son. Sheran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair."Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in aplastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea todonate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after Idie. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with hisMom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, afterspending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy'sbelongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings,and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She startedplacing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging hispillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was afolded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so youwon't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls andstuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is aneat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels areso cool. I love to watch them fly. And, y ou know what? Jesus doesn't looklike any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's kneeand talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him thatI wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed.

Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I thinkGabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions youasked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the sameplace with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I haveto give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that? Signed with Love from: God, Jesus & Me. Let's see Satan stop this one.

2005-09-15T11:05:00.000+08:00

My sprit is pretty light hearted today. Today we had a lesson on basic Trauma Life Support which is done mostly by paramedics when they reach the site of accident. There are alot of things they have to do besides CPR. They have to assess the patient, treat injured part with splint, dressing, bandage, assess the injured part, secure the cervial spineand transfer on the board to put on the ambulance. I volunteered to be the model... haha!!! it feels so vulnerable cause alot of ppl were around me and they never bothered to explain to me what were they were doing.. well I suppose its all practice but if i was injured i would still want some psychological support. During the process i made someone angry and she shouted at me... i dun feel angry just shocked.. haha!!! Also partly my fault in the first place. But I am starting not to like the person more and more. Maybe I am being too judgemental. but i will start to talk to her but I dun really want to have too much to do with her...

I feel relieved cause there are no projects for the time being. Next week we are starting on our Emergency project. i told my group members i am sick and tired of projects for this week. Give me a break... haha!!! anyways yesterday one of the lecturers said something that captured my thought... she said that if we learn for the sake of assessment it will not turn out very well... We might forget the next minute after we get tested.. hah!!! I can't deny that sometimes I only practice for the sake of the test... but i think if i learn for the sake of my future patients, it will be much better and it will be long time learning. i hope i can remember it till the day I die... hopefully i dun get dementia.

Recently i dunno why. i have become very forgetful. I always cannot find my keys or cards until my mother got so irritated with me. haiz.. its such a headache to be her daughter. And 2 days b4 I accidently threw away her contact lenses cause i thought they were mine... they were put in the exact same looking box... haiz.. Off course i got a big scolding... Haiz.. I really feel bad, but in the end I have to pay back quite a sum of money to her... Sometimes I cannot stand myself... Haiz...

My grandma gave me a bottle of birds nest that was actually for herself. So sweet of her... But actually i dun really like the taste of it... cause its the first time i ahve eaten it in my whole life.. maybe i shall give it to my mother or brother... OOOOOh ... isn't that sweet of me...

2005-09-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

I am soooooooooooooo tired today... today i the most exhausting day so far for Year 3. I think it must be accumulated fatigue cause every night i am busy doing my project until very late.

Anyways today we had 2 presentation. The first one was mental health. My group members are Yelly, Audrey, Eveline, Jacq Lam and off course me... Actually i find my group members for this group are all very cooperative. Only one of my members always come late, but when i ask her to do the question she will produce good work, so i never said anything. Fot this project I was working with yelly most of the time. We all decided to make a mind map for our question as there are alot of parts. I am glad it turned out successful which is surprising cause i thought it was rather messy. Nevertheless it turned out well and we got an A... I am happy in my heart but at the same time i think it didn't come easy... it takes so much effort to make something but is so easy to destroy it.. thats what happened to my mind map.. probably down some rubbish chute now...

Secondly was my food trail project. Seriously that one was a big head ache... Most cause it was damn last minute.. I am in a super last minute group... and there is one really big bo chap person inside... Anyways i find there is some sort of conflict in the group but i dun really feel like getting myself involved cause i am only here for one project. But it just made me see that some ppl can make good friends but not exActly good project group members. Thats all i got to say... Anyways just now during the presentation i was already damn tired so i feel i did not perform my best... My head feeels damn pain...

Anyways i would like to thank God for carrying me during this tired period...

2005-09-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

I just finished discussing half of the powerpoint for food trail with audrey. She told me she feels like only me and her are doing the project. Well I cant say much cause its partly the group fault that they do everything so last minute. But i dun want to be too judgemental, just do what i must do . I am only in their group for one project. She is already stressed up enough.. i am serious. i seldom hear her so stressed... but i will help her. Group members are supposed to help each other through thick and thin right....

Today I went to distribute pamphlets at Tampines. I can say its just so unrewarding and boring. I feel as if I am wasting my time... Its as if I am begging them to take the pamphlets. Well i can't say much cause i also dun like being given pamphets. Anyways its always an experience. I want to experience other types of job b4 i become a staff nurse. Its a pity i dun think i have much chance... But i should be grateful i have a job ready when i graduate.

Actually i dunno... when i was there i suddenly hoped someone would appear before me. Those ppl who live in the east would definately come to Tampines right?. I dunno why this thought came to me also. Maybe cause i once met that person here. But off course nothing happened today and here i am with still no clue where the person is now. I guess thats the difference between drama tv and reality. There are almost never coincidences in which you meet other by chance... Haiz.. but i just find reality sucks... wish i could stay in my dream land.

2005-09-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

I am tired... sometimes its just so tiring to persist on... I want to be strong but sometimes I really question whether I am... I am after all a girl trying to grow up in this stressful fast paced society. School has been hectic, whne i go home I am too tired to say much... Too tired to do housework sometimes until at times it just piles up and I have to do it at one shot non stop... So much clothes to be washed. At least now my father is willing to do some of the housework, so i must be thankful... I am indeed blessed I think...

Today I packed up my bag which was so messy full of god knows what unnecessary things that i bring to school... I feel much neater, and i did a bit of my knitting... Ok now knitting is not exactly the first thing on my mind, but i shall still persist on. I feel god put ppl beside me to make me beome a better person and learn what i can in this world. I learnt from alina that i must persist on no matter what. seeing her so motivated in her knitting i feel more motivated to continue on... and i always see her so neat and proper. It is worth learning cause i am a super messy and forgetful person... haha . even my mom can't stand me...

Today we had our Napfa test... I was not too enthusiastic about it... i guess i am not ambitious about it . As long as I pass I am contented... All i can say is my stamnia has deproved, my standing broad jump is sucky. but the rest is ok, especially my sit ups in which i did 40 in a minute. Before that I heard one of my friends say she is aiming to get an Gold for her Napfa... in the end i think she got a bronze. Anways i think its good to be ambitious to a certain extent. But this makes me feel a bit bad. I feel i am too happy go lucky sometimes and dun have much expectations. Maybe if i am like this I wun go far in life. Is it really that important to get the best in everything and be very successful I suppose it is to most ppl.... But its all hard work... i know i ( actually everyone ) can do it as long as they put their hearts and minds to it... But the thing is wheter you make thA t decision to put in effort...

2005-09-06T13:26:00.000+08:00

Hello. I am now typing this during my 3 hour break in the school computer lab. I feel a bit mentally tired cause i feel alot of projects coming up and clashing at the same time... But I must be strong. I think if I dun think so much or worry and just do what I need to do it wun be as stressful for me.!!! God grant me sterngth. My food trail and mental health project is next tuesday. i must practice some time management... For my food trail I will just try my best. For mental health me and yelly are thinking of doing a very big mind map for our qusetion... but we hope it wun be messy... God Bless us!!! We were just thinking of doing something different.

This morning we had a tutorial on mental health and we discussed about self esteem. i did not know so many ppl have this problem of low self esteem. I thought mine is low but actually it was not as bad a i expected it to be... haha...

2005-09-05T00:17:00.000+08:00

Hi... I just came back from my cousin's wedding dinner... It was quite a noisy occasion cause my cousin's husband family owned some seven month ge tai business... haha!!! The food was good... And me and my brother sat with our cousins. I draqnk 3 cups of beer... Oh dear, hope tomorrow i dun have a hang over, but i dun think so. Now I dun feel anything... I feel so distant to some of my cousins. Maybe cause we seldom see each other. I can't seem to think of what to say to them.

But I got this 2 very nice cousins. One of them is Gwen who is 24 and her brother Wesley who is 16... The brother is just soooo cute... I mean it... He is soo shy and sometimes his whole face will turn red when I make fun of him... Haha... it was not bad talking to him cause we both have rather the same interests as in anime, computer games... blah blah... And he is becoming a very charming young man... haha!!! I mean it...I like him the most compared to the rest of my male cousins. I mean like him as a cousin lah... haha!!!

Today I also met up with yelly to discuss our mental health project... We met at City Hall StarBucks... Besides that we chatted.. I find her a very easy going person to talk and work with... haha!!! I think tomorrow must wake up early to go through the project cause i did not have much time to look through it cause of attachment...

2005-09-03T19:02:00.000+08:00

Hello... my one week "holiday" is ending. Yesterday was my last day of attachment in ward 58... I would say it was a very tiring, short but enjoyable attachment. I would have liked it if I were there a few more weeks... Although I say I like it, I would have to say I am a bit scared i get posted there for my PRCP cause it is almost too challenging, too busy... i dunno whether I can take it... I see those newly passed out staff nurses really struggling... When I think about it I think i might be one of those struggling too.. but we all need to go through this phase right... This attachment really taught me to be more independent in doing my skills. Although I feel I still have alot of room for improvement I can only say i will try. I met some nice staff nurses who are willing to give me oppurtunities to improve myself. One of the senior staff nurses who I really respect has been working for 20 over years... She really taught me alot.

Yesterday after work I changed and bathed in the hospital b4 meeting Jenny at Tampines. Initially we wanted to go to Pasir Ris park for a picnic. But in the end it started raining so we went to Sakae Sushi... We ate lots... I was really very tired after work so I did not really have the mood to talk too much. After that i borrowed a Hong Kong Series called "Angels of Mission 3D". its quite nice but a bit lame... something like Charlies Angels but the HK version.

Today I was supposed to go for the yellow Ribbon Walk but I was way too tired . In the end I overslept. i also feel my body aching.. Maybe its accumulated tiredness from the week... I have a healthy body yet I feel tired. Imagine if I was not so healthy, I wonder how they can take it. In the end I went shopping for a while cause I need to buy shoes for my cousin's wedding dinner tomorrow... And i even bought Famous Amos cookies for my family... They are so fragrant... love them!!!

2005-08-31T22:34:00.000+08:00

Must be fast.. must be fast... thats what i learnt from in this ward... but must be accurate too... haiz. One of the newly pass out staff nurse always very fast, even when i talk to her also very fast. When I was eating with her she ate as if there is no tomorrow... I worry that she might get a heart attack... i think maybe I got to learn a bit of my fastness from her cause I am pretty slow... Maybe train myself for next time it won't be such a hard time for me... But she is nice ... she made me do alot of skills like S/C, IM, prime all the drips, change IV, flush tubings.. haha.. thats fo rtoday... i hope i see her tomorrow... I think i better start learning the ropes of the S/N job and not only do all junior work... Hope tomorrow is a nice day for me...!!!

2005-08-31T09:06:00.000+08:00

I just love to wake up early for afternoon shift and watch the early morning news... Revise through my work for attachment. And maybe eat something large b4 going to work. Its so enriching... I still dunno whether I like morning or afternoon shift. For morning shift there are more things to do but I just hate to wake up 4.40 in the morning... I have nothing much to say except my whole body is achy even though i slept well last night... Its really madness working in the ward... I can work until I drop... but its a good learning experience... but whatever it is I still went for break cause I know all this work cannot be fininshed. There is always more and more to do...Must go for break when I still have the chance to do so... haha!!!

2005-08-29T17:30:00.000+08:00

Haiz... why am i always alone... I am alone for atachment. I just feel that now in year 3 the staff expect us to know how to do the skill, but actually i feel incompetent. Today i started my one week attachment in ward 58 which is for general surgery. Our clinical instructor said we must do all the dressings. The more the merrier.... there were 8 dressings in my room. So Jocelyn (the new friend I made from group 26) did 3 and i did 3 . But can you imagine starting tomorrow we are not together (I am in afternoon and she is in morning). She will have to do almost all dressings herself and the same goes for me when i do morning.

I find in this ward I am really forced to be task orientated... I did not even have time to rest even a teeny weenie bit. Oh dear , i am very scared I will become a nurse that does not care about the patient... I really had to squeeze time to go for break... but I told myself I have to go (I must love myself or how can I love others)... haha!!!

There is really so much to learn and so little time... I must not procrastinate... Sometimes i really feel like God likes to test me to the limit.. Like for instance, he made me fail my assessment but he made me learn something important too... that life still has to go on. He took my loved ones away from me at the same time.... but he made me learn that it was actually a relief for them and i should be happy... He made me the leader of the project group... which made me learnt how much I hate being the leader but maybe taught me more responsibility... He put me all alone when I am working... I know its a matter of sooner or later.. But mine came sooner than later... Tomorrow I am the only student working for that shift (or maybe there is one other yr 2 but not in the same room)... I really dunno why he keeps on liking to test me... I dunno whether I can do it.. i really hope i can cope... Another thing is that i think i am fated in this ward.. last year my uncle passed away of liver damage in the exact same ward... and i keep coming back here for attachment...

2005-08-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

2005-08-26T20:55:00.000+08:00

Hello.. its been a long time since i last blogged.. life has been normal for me.. There have been happy times and sad times but isn't this all a part of life. Sometimes i find it very tiring to continue striving but we all have to persevere isn't it... I still have to run a long way...

Today I was supposed to go for training but i suddenly had really bad menstrual cramps so I decided not to... I dunno why my cramps are always really bad... This afternoon I had a project discussion in the library.. Suddenly I was in pain and i even started sweating in the air con room... good thing Yelly gave me 2 panadol... thanks to her. I am really touched...

Sometimes i think I make life too packed and tiring for myself. I want to do alot of things in the little time I have... I want to live each day as fulfillingly. Today when I went home my only wish was to be with my family. I wanted to buy back a nice dinner, borrow some nice shows and enjoy family bonding. But then i called back and found out my father was out drinking and playing mahjong, my brother went out until very late with his friends, my sis has her own life, my mum told me she is working until very late... Haiz.. so its me again.. me and no one else. Anyways i can do alot of things to entertain myself... I think today I am a little too emotional. Must be hormonal imbalance...

Anyways I hope tomorrow will be a good day. Tomorrow I am going out with Jenny and alina in the evening to watch the spook show... God Bless me!!!

Another thing is next week is my holiday but I have to go for attachment... Haiz.. no time to rest...

2005-08-05T21:23:00.000+08:00

I passed my practical retest.. sooo happy!!! I know Chan Lee Yong (my teacher) purposely pick me cause i am her student... She is really very nice and encouraging during the procedure. I took a pretty long time cause I was afraid of leaving anything out or making any mistakes.

After that i went back home with Verna and she gave me a bracelet. I was so touched and fascinated... This is the first time i have worn a bracelet b4... Anyways it is a silver bracelet with lots of bells that make alot of noise but I love it... haha!!! I am really very touched... haha.. that she is willing to give me support during the test. And I like to thank everyone for their encouragement and prayers during this period. I will not say out your names but you know... haha!!!

2005-08-05T12:52:00.000+08:00

I thank God for everything in my life. I thank God for letting me experience failure so i can really see my weaknesses and perfect myself. In life, we can't always get what we want but we must not give up. I am thankful to God for taking my Yi Po away cause I knew she really suffered on earth, going through dialysis for 13 years and suffering a stroke. Though I was initially very sad yesterday especially when i was in school after going for the funeral. I asked my aunty , who was the daughter of Yi Po, then she told me she will be strong but she burst out crying in front of me... It is ok to be sad right, but after that we must still go on with life. Just keep those precious memories in life. I thanks God for making me me...

2005-08-03T11:38:00.000+08:00

Her death has sort of fully seeped in into my head... I just feel like resting now and feel very tired... my mum told me to send her off for her last journey which happens to be tomorrow.. After this i wun be able to see her anymore.. Although what I am seeing is just a shell... Today when i was doing the lecture i really tried to concentrate. But i remember she kept on telling me to study hard... study hard... I think I will study hard... People cry when they watch dramas.. i never cry... In fact i almost never cry. I only save my tears to those loved ones of mine. I only cried one tear then i told myself to stop... Life is like that... the last time I saw her she was so active and naggy.

Later on is my clinical remedial. God Bless me.!

2005-08-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

I just found out my Yi Po died in her sleep last night... It seems ppl around me are passing away. I feel a bit weird.. cause she always used to like me cause i was one of the more respectful grandchildren. Then I used to call her the "big mouth grandmother". Actually I found her rather naggy. But her sudden death just shocks me... She was always there and making alot of noise and nagging... Haiz... My mom told me to go for her funeral but its on thursday and I have a practical and theory test on that day. Somehow i dun like to face death. I dunno how to either. Recently it was my uncle's death now my Yi Po... i think she will forgive me... I really dun want it to affect my test that day... Haiz...

2005-07-31T22:54:00.000+08:00

A totally slacky day where i have not done anything productive... I feel so guilty now... haiz. i hate feeling like this... maybe cause sometimes i can be a workaholic i feel weird when i dun do anything... Sianz sianz sianz!!! Someone come and entertain me please...!!!

2005-07-31T01:49:00.000+08:00

Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.

How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-07-31T01:42:00.000+08:00

Life is good and bad. You know it can never be
perfect and that it never have been, and you're
fine with that. You still feel it's important
to live life since it can end any day and not
sulk because of some little failure in life.
You are often a happy person, still you don't
laugh all the time. You have a somewhat calm
aura and most people feel comfortable around
you.

How do you see life?
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2005-07-31T01:36:00.000+08:00

Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and
shining with love. You believe in the goodness
of those around you and give almost everyone a
smile. You are not the kind to hide your
happiness and tend to smile all day long, both
in and out. But when sadness hits you, you
become very devastated and may be upset for
quite some time. What you need in your life is
friends, friends who will love you
unconditionally, like you love them. But you
have a naive nature and don't always notice
when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would
say you are oblivious to mean people, which
makes you an easy target. However, your true
friends will probably be there for you and save
you. In school you are either the popular one
or the little weird one. It all depends if
"the higher people" find your caring
side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have
a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys
may not be your thing since you want bonding
time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit
you more. You like the happy things in life and
like everyone else to be as happy as you are.
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What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-07-30T21:26:00.000+08:00

Did you know nature is so beautiful. The air is much cleaner, the ambience is peaceful, Everything has its role in nature... However it is fast dying in this fast tracked pace of singaporean society. Some plants can be eated for survival purpose, some have medicinal uses such as the singapore rhodo dandrum (I think thats how you pronounce it) is used to make po chai pills...

Today I went for the tree top nature walk at macritchie resrvoir. I really enjoyed the walk. Although it was around 3 km but i wished it were longer. I learnt quite alot from this walk as there was a guide to explain to us the various plants, birds and animals. A part of me is so happy and curious about all the different things out there. God is indeed amazing !!! I saw a monitor lizard , but it had already died and was lying on its tummy... thats pretty sad... and i saw many differenty colour butterflies... and i even opened up a chempedek fruit that had fallen (it made my hands sticky with the rubbery sap). I have never felt so carefree in such a long time. A part of me wants to go back again... But i want to go sungei Buloh and Taman negara... haha... I can dream... No one would be interested.. would they? They would just call me childish for liking all these activies.. maybe i am... but i still like it alot...

Halfway thru it started raining and we walked the remaining of the trail in the rain... but it was still nice! i thank God for making such a universe !

2005-07-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

Today i failed my practical exam. I think it came a shock to most ppl and to myself too... Not that I thought i would do very well.. But I had roughly practiced quite a few times b4 (especially on scrubbing). What do I have to say... I can't exactly say I am that upset. B4 the test I just prayed that God will give me the marks that I deserve. I dun regret not praying for a pass... If I could turn back time maybe I could change that mistake I made but time does not wait for us. What do ppl want me to do... Wallow in self pity? Maybe i did for a while. I mean some ppl fail and they start to blame everyone else except themselves. I think when the occasion arises we just have to look at ourselves and see whether the problme itself lies in us. Though it is inevitable a part of me is upset, but i like someone who tells me my mistakes , no matter how small they are. My assessor was quite particular. But I did learn a bit within the short time I was with her.

There is one lecturer I used to dislike with all my heart cause she failed my assessment when i was in yr 1, but now when i think back i have no reason to hate her. Although she is strict and has a sharp tongue, but those mistakes that she pointed out were really there. I am ok with ppl failing me unless they are totally unreasonable. But if the problem lies with i did not do it correctly, or got nervous then during assessment then we have nothing to complain about.

I am really ok... I did not even have the time to be sad or anything. After the assessment I was still smiling away. After that i rushed to do the CBL project with Chan and after that discuss my osteoporosiss project with my group. I could not let my feeling get to me cause i had a presentation later in the day... somemore it was sort of a mini role play. I think towards the afternoon time the fact started to get to me and i sorta became a bit grumpy but nevertheless I think I still put in my best shot for my project. After that i wanted to go for knitting class with Alina, but i suddenly felt so mentally, emotionally and physically tired so i skipped the lesson and went back home first. The trip home on 65, I had the most deep sleep i ever had on the bus. Nothing could wake me up. I think it must be the mental turmoil... haha...

I can' t let this small little failure get to me. In front of me are many more challenges. But thanks to all the ppl who gave me support during this period, like Chan, Jenny, Alina... I love you all!!! For you and for me, i will be strong!!!

I still think I am very blessed and God is good, I managed to find all my knitting things which i thought i lost today... Yeah! i can continue knitting!!!

2005-07-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

In the evening, I went to Jenny's house to practice the surgical scrubbing, rubbing, gowning and gloving. Tomorrow is the test and I really hope we all can pass... The 2 of us looked like idiots doing the dry wash. After that we practiced one more time on the role play. I dun know how much more time we have like this, going to each others houses. BUt I really treasure the time we have together...

Today something quite disapointing happened to me... but i really dun feel like talking about it... I just feel so irritated at myself... Hmmmph....

2005-07-26T18:29:00.000+08:00

Today is a pretty busy day for me... I am sort of having stomach cramps...

This morning, I had to go to school early as I am taking part as the usher for the graduation ceremony. It was really a nice day to sleep... Seeing the rain today made me feel a bit disgusted and uncomfortable. Anyways I rushed to go to school as Doris Chan sent us a last minute message at 5am that we are suppose to meet earlier. I even took the express bus which is more expensive... But anyways good thing I was not late!!!

We had to wear this really formal blazer during the graduation. My blazer was super big and made me look like a clown. Overall this ushering thing is ok lah... I dun really enjoy it, but then again I think its a form of experience for me... so it might not be too bad after all... Just that in the beginning I was not really to sure what to do. But after that I got the hang of it. I also think these kind of occasions is a good chance to make new friends.

Seeing all our senior graduate, I feel very reluctant to think about my future. About what I will become off... The beginning is always the toughest and has always been the case for me... Sometimes I can be slower than other ppl... But once i pick up I think I can do it and sometimes better than other ppl... cause i do it wholeheartedly. What I am very scared of is the beginning... Will I have enough will power to overcome it. The 3 years of study are not for nothing.

Anyways the graduation ceremony is pretty boring to tell the truth. But sometimes I think my strength is i like to interact with ppl , so i will try to build up on my strength. There were lots of speeches by impt. ppl and everyone went to the stage to get their certificates. After that the lot of us as ushers took some photos. Lunch was provided, nothing much to say about that just that it is not as nice as i expected.

I am a bit upset. My food trail group has not met up or done anything. Actually i have also done nil research on it. There has just been so many other things to occupy my time with. I was already a bit upset to be in this group but just now they called me over and asked me to be the group leader. Reason cause that person is clueless bout what is happening so she does not want to do it... Hello!!!! She is suppose to be the food trail guide. None of the 2 food trail guide in my group have gone out but they are suppose to know more than me right. Its either her or the other one , but the other one is so yaya papaya... Its just like putting the load of burden on someone else's back... That is just soooo "nice" of them... i told them a straight NO in their face. I am already the leader of 2 other projects. What do you take me for. Someone you can push her and there at your beck and call... They tried to convince me again, but i told them NO NO No... I dun want to do it! I have worked with them during the leadership project and I am still very upset about what happened then. When things are ok, its good. When things go wrong you look for the one in charge!!! And the previous time they forgot I am not in charge. I am only a member that happend to do more and in the end they push everything to me...

I am not as noble as I look and am not as easily convinced as I seem... I dun want to be nice to them!!! I hate it..!!! Is it because they think I am very easy to bully. Well I won't give them what they want. For normal things I can close one eye... but I hate ppl to take advantage of me just because they think I am soft and wun reject their requests. The reason why I dislike being the leader is because sometimes (but depends on the ppl you working with) I have the feeling I am doing most of the work. Maybe I just dun have the qualities of one... maybe ... maybe... haiz... I dun want to think so much... Btw... Bloggie. i feel better now after writing it out. I can get on with life now. THANK YOU... ARIGATOU!!!

2005-07-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

The third week of school has just finished today. I thought i could get a good nice rest tomorrow but it seems i have to go back to school for extra clinical practice and after that in the evening go for my friends bbq. Work is pilling up on me. Sometimes i think i worry too much. Worry is such a useless emotion . Instead of worrying I can use the energy I have to do what is needed. Nowadays I have so many things to do that I feel I neglect those ppl around me. Projects to research on, tutorials to complete. Things I want to do in such a short period of time. Things I am thinking of whether or not to continue.

A friend in class told me she had lost her goal in life and feels depressed. Come to think of it, I dun even know what my goal in life is. I want to be a good nurse. I want to go somewhere that really needs health care or any sort of care. Thats why I dun think I will ever go to OT nursing. Its too restrictive and technical. I want to make others happy and bring a smile to their face. I want to always be a simple person. I really want to help ppl but sometimes at the same time I am scared to be too nice. Its something I learnt in sec. school that you may be nice to ppl, but ppl can just stab you in the back. Thats why sometimes I am a bit afraid to be too close to ppl. It has never been my wish to be someone of high position. But sometimes in life you want to live simply but trials and circumstances dun permit you to do so. Actually i was quite upset that I was the leader this semester. Its third yeart and I dun want to make myself so stressed over school work. I suppose I am in this position to learn something. Just hope i dun screw up!

But I am very happy that I have God in my life. I already feel very fortunate like I am in love.
I know even if no one loves me, my lord god still does! My heart feels warm and full of radiance everytime I think of this love...

2005-07-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

Happy photo!!!

2005-07-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

Dun we look comfy!

2005-07-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

Hey, we all look so grumpy! photo with my cell group on tuesday~!

2005-07-20T19:08:00.000+08:00

Random shot

2005-07-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

My cell group photo!

2005-07-18T10:37:00.000+08:00

Today i am in the super PMS day mood... I have a super stiff neck that is painful everytime i turn my head. I guess today i just woke up in a bad mood... Actually i woke up quite fearful. Cause I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that i was the victim of the JU-on thing... Haiz... I think my heart is too weak for horror shows now... Anyways it was sooo horrible. I was actually planning to go to school earlier at 8 but when i woke up it was still 5.30 and i wanted to wait until the sun came out cause at that point of time I was really scared of the darkness. So in the end I woke up at 8. But i still feel pretty groggy now...

And another thing is that my cell group keep making the meetings on tuesday. How many times must i say that I am not as free on tuesday. I end school at 6 and I still have my tkd. At this rate i may as well just quit my tkd... And saying about that, I really dunno if I should do so.... Hmmm... not merely bcos of my cell grp . I have not merely sorted out my thinking yet. So I will not say anything until then... Anyways today is just a dreary day for me... Haiz...

Oh but yesterday was not bad! Our ex cell group leader treated us to Seoul Garden to celebrate her pay increment. Its really nice of her! And I made a new friend called Cynthia . She comes from Hong Kong!

Oh i really wish I could talk to that friend... haiz.... I really wanted to meet her today but i woke up too late. She will understand my PMS days... cause i knows she has them quite often too... Maybe the 2 of us are abnormal... Haha!!!

2005-07-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

Me and some of my classmates in the OT lab... Don't we look professional!!! haha!!!

2005-07-13T12:14:00.000+08:00

Recently have been trying to read the bible everyday more diligently. Although most of the time it seems that i put worldly things in higher priority i am really trying to change. I think as a child of Christ I have sort of forsaken him. i have also forgot that he loves me and cares about me. A few days ago i read this article i read this message in the daily bread.

From beginning to End
At age 30 she was ready to give up. She wrote in her diary," My god, what will become of me? I have no desire but to die." But the dark clouds of despair gave way to light, and in time she discovered the new purpose for living. When she died at age 90, she left a mark on history. Some believe that she and those who discovered chloroform and antiseptics to medicine did more than anyone to relieve human suffering in the 19thcentury. Her name was Florence nightingale, founder of the nursing profession.

Job went so far as to wish she had never been born (3:1-3). But thank God he did not end his life. Just as Florence nightingale came out of her depression and found ways to help others, so too Job lived through his grief , and his experience has become a source of comfort to suffering souls.

Maybe you are at the point of not going on. being God's child intensifies your desperation, for you wander how a believer could feel so alone and forsaken. Don't give up. Coming to the end of yourself emotionally could be the most painful experience you've ever encountered. but take courage. Cling to the lord in faith and start all over. god can use the "beginning from the end'

Maybe as a human being we are bound to all these human emotions that either put us up or down. you question yourself why you have to try so hard in life. You may even lose all your drive and enthusiasm... i think its important to reflect on it. But certain things no matter how you reflect , it wun be solved... So I want to cling on to my faith and start all over... Some ppl think too much and become depressed and end up in IMH. They were once normal ppl like you and me but there must have been something in the past that caused them to be the way they are.

I am not really really good at expressing my feelings but who cares... This is for myself and those close to me to read...!!!

2005-07-07T11:47:00.000+08:00

Today is the 4th day of school.. Am happy to see all my friends... its amazing to see how far we have come together... I have to say I am really thankful of them for taking this journey in my life. School is fun... Although there are alot of projects and tests coming up but it still feels that we are in the comfort zone... Sometimes I question some of the modules or topics we learn whether it is really essential for our working life... Yep! i love school and a i love attachment at the same time... During attachment i really feel the application of wat we learn and there is some sort of satisfaction. But sometimes I will feel very tired. When i feel very tired sometimes do stupid things... haha!!! One of the staff nurse said the way i do things is very cute cause i am pretty clumsy... I know some of my friends will grumble at me saying this but i sort of wish there was more time for attachment... I really need that additonal hands on work b4 i become a staff nurse.

2005-07-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

Ok, now its been the second time i have been turned away from donating blood. My iron level even lower than b4 at 10.8... Normal level is suppose to be 12 onwards. Hmmm... i really did get ready for this blood donation... I do what they ask me to do (eat more green veges, and force myself to eat liver sometimes). Maybe I should start eating iron tablets... haha!!! Anyways really tired when i went to Bugis with jiang Yan for a while then bought a small half apple strudel for my family... My mom and brother were so happy (especially my brother). Then slept for quite a while... Haiz I feel so sianz and tired today... I think i will sleep earlier... hopefully tomorrow I am energetic for morning lessons tomorrow...

2005-07-06T09:41:00.000+08:00

Its been some time since I last updated... and wah la!!! I am in year 3 now... Time really flies (but i learnt its something that cannot be controlled) i think maybe i have matured in ways. Sometimes i wish i was still that simple innocent girl of my secondary school days... but I am also sure nursing has shaped me into a more understanding and realistic person...

I feel rather tired from yesterday training. I have been missing in action from the club for a few months... The skin on my feet has softened again and i incurred 2 blisters on my toes and one on my foot. it is rahter painful upon walking and there is some discharged coming from the wound... i cleaned it with antiseptic and covered it with a plaster... Actually i feel quite irritated that i got blisters. its such a pain in the feet... And i have to limp when i walk... haiz... When i went for normal trainings regularly I never used to get these injuries... This i suppose shows that i get what i deserve for nhot going for trainings regulary.

This morning I went to school early with Kavi. it is really nce to see him again... He also got some problem with his foot (i think the skin came out), and we were both limping to school. Its a pity verna was unable to join us... Its farnie... I came to schoool with verna yesterday and today i come with kavi but the 3 of us are never together... Maybe its nots god's will... haha!!! I have some good news is that verna has been baptised. although i am not baptised i am very happy for her... I will pray for her for her family's acceptance of her... I really that her for being my friend. I also find her one of those few ppl that i can really open my heart to... Although its not open wide but at least its still open... haha!!!

Today me and Xiao na were planning to go gym but i assessed my condition and my pain score and think its beeter if I dun do so much exercise for today as i have pain upon exertion. Instead we are going to donate blood. I hope i am able to donate cause the previous time I was turned away cause I had low blood count at that time... Its good to use to use my healthy blood to save someone!!!

School has been fine for me... In fact, i learnt to take things in my stride and although I am a bit worried about passing out as a staff nurse, its no use worrying about it... orrying is just so mentally and emotionally tiring. instead use wat time I have left to improve myself and do what i want to do...

2005-06-22T21:39:00.000+08:00

I am getting more and more confused when i go for attachment. Sometimes wat they teach in school is very different from wat you see in the ward. You are really torn between the proper way and the norms of the ward. Sometimes you are borrowed from one room to another . I really want to just stay in my room and finish my work but i can't just let the other patients who are not being attended to (although they ring the call bell a long time) to continue being uncomfortable or in pain. Is this the conflict between responsibility in charge of my room and conscience to help other patients... When i was in yr 1 i did not really feel this pressure, cause i just tried to do everything within my means, but now i feel as if i must let my room be in good order, then slowly help my juniors and help them to the best of my ability. Then after my room is in order I will definsitely offer my services to help the other patients. I feel guilty suddenly disapearring from the room and letting them settle it(although I can say that i am helping other patients). I think my clincal instructor knows too. Though there is no right or wrong in this case ... Hmmm... wat to do. I think i will just go with my conscience when the occasion arises.. haha!!!

Apparently i think sometimes the hospital is a very chaotic place to work in. There is probably never a place or time we can really sit down and sometimes my body just feels achy by the end of the shift. Sometimes i just feel that my brain has to be split into a few pieces to remember all that has to be done. Cause there is always alot of things to do at the same time so must always prioritise. As yr 2 is ending I am getting more and more pressure especially from the clincal instructor. She comes to my room everyday without fail and she asks me the diagnosis of all my patients and what interventions i can do and what operation they have undergone. There is really so mush things to learn. I feel there is no ending to learning new things. Though the CI threatens to mark us down if we dun show us any initiative in learning , answering her questions or doing the skills, i am glad to say i think she is a good CI. Though at the moment i might not really like her but what she does is for our good... i hope to become a good staff nurse...

I remember one of my teachers in secondary used to tell something about giving a person a fish and it can only be fed for a day but if you teach a person how to fish it will be independent and be able to support itself. So i really thank the CI for not spoon feeding us and giving us time to grow.
Will i be beome a nurse that lets my juniors gain confidence in themselves and let them have space to grow. If so i always hope they always treat others (no matter whether patient or colleagues) as they want to be treated... I hope this concept will stay in my heart and mind even when i graduate and get caught up with all the things of the working world... I pray that my attachment will be fruitful and I will be able to learn as many things as possible... just feel i dun have much time left as a junior student... haiz...

2005-06-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hello... its me again. I am getting ready for tomorrow attachment. i am sort of excited!!! but I never go to sgh to work for donkey months so hope I am not to blur on the first day. Work is 8-4 tomorrow and after that i got knitting class... must try to finish the remaining part of my hat.God Bless me and everyone breathing on this earth. I just think there is so much ppl to help, so many things to experience and though i am only one person hope i can be a help to the staff and patients there.

2005-06-19T12:50:00.000+08:00

I am now listening to the song 陪我看日出（蔡淳佳）。I rememeber Jenny loves to sing this song and she always sing it to me... Haha!!! This morning I went to church and met Abigail... She scraped her knee and it was bleeding quite badly and asked me to do some first aid on her... I only gently used water and tissue to clean the wound... She almost screamed (i got to say the girl has almost no tolerance for pain). So I asked her to squeeze my arm if she wanted and she squeezed it pretty tight. But in the end she thanked me and told me I am a very good nurse... i dun really get her meaning cause she was practically screaming and squeezing my arm when i was doing the cleaning for her... haha!!!

Anyways today marks the end the end of my holidays. How do i feel... hmm... a bit sad I can say... Yesterday I was going through my event planner for the previous 2 terms and I realise I really know how to keep my schedule packed but I always have the feeling that I never did anything much... I think the problem lies with me... Like i can do more things and skip breaks during attachment but still feel really useless and i never help the patients much... Cause when i was young ppl called me stupid cause i am a slow learner. I think I must give a pat on my back. Encourage myself when i need it and praise myself generously... haha!!! This bad habit of mine: "Think too much negative things about myself" must change ok... I know you can do it Jolyn!!!

What does tomorrow hold for me... Wat will happen... who will I meet. The future is vast and blurry... But I will just hold on to my Lords hand and walk through this path... What has been done in the past cannot be undone but it is an experience and lesson learnt... And even if i am going through pain or difficulty, one day it will come to pass. Time really passes like water flowing down the stream especially when you are enjoying yourself (eg. holidays). Sometimes i really want to use my hnads to grab back all the time that has passed around me. Want to right the wrongs, but it is not possible so I cannot keep on gloating on it... i hate to say this phrase but "life is like that". I never use this phrase but when it comes to saying about time in our life its is really just like this... But I am thankful that I have spent my time fulfillingly (as in enough time for work, play and rest). Now i know how fast time just passes me I know its not the time to gloat about the lost time... it is time to press on and persevere. Even if I cry or beg it wun make the situation any better. And that is wat i want to say about ending Year 2 ... Lord, please give me strength...

2005-06-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

I am now watching Ragnarok: mystic Sleuth Loki... it simply rocks... I just love watching anime... Anyways today is a rather tiring day for me. I went out in the morning and just came back home. Just blame on me yesterday me and my mother were trying to dismantle the cupboard until very late... I went for the community service club orientation camp. It was from 10 to 4... Actually i was suppose to go with Sonia but she had to work.

It was not bad but I was sort of tired. made a few nice friends. Its not a bad of a club and I can feel rather at ease with them. I believe maybe a good beginning is a good sign. Its usually better to do things with your school as you have a sense of belonging... We played quite a few games which sort of wore most of us out. My group consist of the least number of ppl... but in the end we won the most particiapative prize... Actually our group consists of one girl that i am not too sure wat i feel about her... As in I can tell she is trying to let other ppl perceive her in that way, but i can feel she is actually not like that... When i talk to her she gives me a very confused feeling, as in she is struggling with life, thats why she likes to be defiant. Hmmm... i dunno whether i can do anything to help... but i dun think she wants my help anyway (anyways my feeling could be wrong), but she is a very outspoken and outgoing person so it was a bonus to the group... and there was another junior from nursing who at first i thought he was a girl (really looks like one), but only half a day later i found out "she" is a he... it was so emberrassing...

After that I met verna to watch movie. We watched "Mr and Mrs Smith" . Hmmm... I would say it was an ok movie... maybe I would give it 3 /5 stars... Maybe all those Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt fans will like it... Its rather lame and unrealistic... but I have to admit its quite comical at times... haha!!! Anyways i was too tired to do anything else after that so we went home. but it was quite fun!!~!

2005-06-16T02:35:00.000+08:00

I am now in my brother's room writing this entry... He is on the bed snoring like a pig... I feel like stuffing the Vicks thing into his nose... I am watching this show called "Sang Doo, Lets go to School". Its at a really sad part where SangDoo has to bring up his adopted daughter who has leukemia and he has to shave of her daughter's hair for the treatment... He works as a playboy who cheats old married woman off their money to save money for the expensive treatment.

Anyways i am trying to complete knitting the hat... I have unpicked the whole thing 3 times already... At first it was really frustrating cause i keep on making mistakes and dropping stitches. But now after making so many mistakes i am really improving. Though i dun really like making mistakes but its a must if you want to progress... I am taking up the knitting classes with Alina... but i find her to be more patient than me . Knitting requires alot alot of patience. For me to make it this far is already quite good ... Which means i have patience to a certain degree but as for Alina , I think she must be an angel... She is the most patient person i ever met... haha!!! She will be flying in the sky when she reads this.

Today was a chaotic day. We are doing some sping cleaning in my house... And we are giving our house a huge revamp... I really hate packing the house ...!!!! I think i must be getting lazy... Lazy Jolyn Lazy JOlyn...

And I had a chat with my sis today... Its actually seldom that we talk to each other... I sometimes just wish i was like her... haha... when i get tired of being myself... haha.. that sounds weird... but really nice to talk to her... her advice is always wise... I mean it... ok i shall go off now...

2005-06-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

Yes today is a pretty good day... went out with my mom today . In the evening wanted to go tkd (I even brought my uniform along) but then my mum told me she wanted me to go visit my aunt at ttsh... I think also partly she dun really like me to go for tkd... she keep telling me to do something more lady like... haha!!!

I really like the environment at ttsh... i find the system is more organised than sgh... and the first impression of when i went to sgh was already pretty disorganised and dreary. Yeah and the nurses (so far) are all pretty friendly... Impressions do count you know... There must be service with a smile... haha..!!! Anyways i think its no use regretting being in sgh cause i am studk there for at least 3 to 4 years... Even in a dark and dreary place lets all try to be the bright light shining for the lives of the patients there... That is my wish... Sounds easy but i tell you its not that easy to achieve...

Anyways my aunt has unspecified pleural effusion. The doctors can't really find the reason for it... Hmmm but thank God she is still very strong. Ok I am rather tired so i will go and sleep now...

2005-06-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

wow.. look at the kite hi in the sky.. we looking like idiots!!!... haha

2005-06-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

me bully poor angelina... any guy want to save the damsel in distress!!!

2005-06-12T18:04:00.000+08:00

me and angelina torturing poor nigel (look at angelina pose... so nice... haha!!!)

2005-06-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

me and my darling angelina (my bestest pal)

2005-06-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

tODAY I FEEL VERY HAPPY!!!! Cause the marina bay picnic and kite flying which i planned turned out to be very nice... i really prayed for it to turn out well. It was a bit hot!!!! Now i feel sun burnt ( I am really darker now)... Though I did feel a bit disappointed with someone for not coming but i feel i should be more understanding cause i was half expecting him to tell me last minute he is not coming (cause he is always like that). I understand he is tired from alot of activities but i can't feeling a bit upset.

Anyways i prepared Konnyaku jelly and sushi for this outing... My Konnyaku jelly is a bit hard cause i think I put too much jelly powder... As for the sushi I made although it was the first time I did it myself the rest of the people seemed to find it nice... I just hope it does not cause them to have a stomach ache or anything!!! I think I should practice my cooking more!!!

We were suppose to meet 10 at Marina but everyone was late... so we only left at 11... It was nice of Nigel and Matthew came though they were a bit disappointed that the someone never come... Both of them are in Wushu... I thought matthew looks a bit farnie in his hairy side burns ... haha... but he seems to like it!!! As for the rest was Angelina, Verna and Cat. I am really thankful to verna for being with me all the way. She is one of the few people I can really open my heart to... And I was also happy to see Angelina. She is really my bestest pal and I really love her... I always find her someone pretty on the inside and outside!!! As for cat happy to see her too though she was rather late...

Anyways marina is a really beautiful place for kite flying and picnic. The scenery is damn good tooo!!! We took lotsa of pictures ... i will post them up when i get them!!! And there was a lot of food!!! so happy... having a picnic and kite flying is such a simple pleasure but few ppl can appreciate!!!! Verna bought a kite and i chose the design for her... I chose a Doraemon pattern... Its soo cute... cause me and angeline like Doraemon!!!

Actually kite flying is quite an easy activity... wind is a very important necessity. I just feel so happy to see the kite in the sky!!! After that we continued to take somemore silly looking pictures.

Its a nice time to bond today... and i really enjoy their company!!! And i am really thankful for all those who though tired still came for the outing ... and for those who cannot like stephanie I know you tried... But mostly of all I like to thank Verna for being Verna!!! We both have the same character... Haha!!!

2005-06-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

Psalm 42:1
"As the hart panteth after the water brooks,so panteth my soul after thee, O God."

Hearing this song "As the deer" makes me think of my good friend who is really giving her life to Jesus... God Bless her!!! Song for you!!! remember we used to sing in secondary school!!!

2005-06-03T10:52:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... I wonder whether anyone saw my previous post that i wrote a very frustrated entry on wednesday morning (but i deleted it already) ... I was really very frustrated until really wish that person could disappear b4 my eyes.... But now i decided to relax and think from a broader perspective... So the pass few days have been an emotional low for me... its when we go through trials that we mature isn't it.. no matter how bleak i find my problem I find that one day we will surely emerge from it... There will be scars, bruises and bumps but it will always teach us a new lesson of life... Who does not have problems... Everyone does... sometimes i find its a punishment for men to be born as humans ( I also dun know wat i want to be ... maybe a star) but if you think on the brighter side its always interesting and fun to see how each life unravels... It sometimes depends on our attitude and decision... but there are somethings we cannot control. !!! So the most impt thing is must persevere and be think in a brighter light!!!

2005-05-30T16:18:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. later i got knitting classes at PS... but now hear slacking at home once again. Trying to make my day at home as fruitful as possible. Hmmm... let me see today wat did i do... Woke up then watched an episode of the jap drama" under The Same Roof". bought it at cash converters for 4 dollars only... Anyways I find it one of the best jap dramas so far (cause i seldom watch jap shows). Everytime I watch it my heart will feel so warm at the love and care of sibling love. They are with each other through thick and thin, happiness and sadness... and its quite humorous!!! But i like it when the family is having a picnic under the cherry blossom tree cause its such a heart warming scene to see them all having fun together!!!

After that went to the market with my mom... its such an interesting event in the sense that you actually can learn a fair deal from going market... know how to pick fresh meat, fruits and vegetables... And know that certain vegetables and fruits or meat got different good points. Like dates are good for blood... Xi Yang Cai is a cooling vegetable. then there is another vegetable that is usually in soups that is damn slimy is good for the lungs...sweet potato, tapioca has a good amt of fibre to prevent constipation, durian in for vitamin K (but dun eat too much cause its heaty).. then there is another vegetable that is good for eyes (but i forgot the name). Got much more but i dun wanna bore everyone who reads this... But i really find it interesting. I think i should learn more about the different sorts of foods have wat effects... It quite good for planning healthy menus!!!

Learnt how to make Xi Yang Cai Soup and sweet potato soup... pretty easy lah. I find recently I have changed a fair bit...I mean i am still myself but i sort of become more ladylike as in i dun really like to fight as much as last time. I just want to exercise to keep fit and active!!! Actually thought of joining aerobics... I mean I am not sure tkd is in my list of wat I want to do anymore...

And planning an outing for my sec. school friends... To go marina for kite flying activity and have a picnic there. If want to stay for dinner can have steamboat there also!!! But Plan B is if it rains we will go as someone suggested Changi Airport then down there got alot of places to sit!!! Not too sure abt Changi Airport cause seldom go there but at least there is free air con...

2005-05-29T15:38:00.000+08:00

Just had a really nice lazy nap with nice dreams in this lazy afternoon... haha!!! How would i describe the holidays ... maybe a bit boring. I am the type that has to be kept busy.. when i suddenly dunno wat to do i will feel very uneasy. Anyways me and Alina signed up for knitting classes at SpotLightevery monday and thurday. Then we will knit like old grannies. Talking about Alina yesterday I did something really naughty. I was supposed to go for volunteer work at IMH but last minute I cancel and me and Alina go Compass point to go shopping for Jiang Yan's present. Nowadays I have the habit of searching for people's present... its pretty fun if you have the time. But i dun really like to celebrate my own bd cause well... never had the habit of celebrating since young and it makes me feel old.Anyways we bought her a box made out of glass paintings of dolphins and there is a mirror inside... it looks pretty exquisite. Then I bought a hello kitty handphone chain for my hp... It looks adoringly cute... =)... And i set up my own first aid kit... it has everything from sprain spray, bandages, gauze, scissors, cotton. Po Chai pill, panadol extra and menstrual and flu medicine... and its the size of my small bible... I am so proud of myself!!! I think i will carry carry it around wherever i go...

Anyways i really misss my China friends but sad to say all are back in their home towns, especially my darling Xiao na!!! But i know she must be really happy with her family now. So since she is happy I am happy for her!!!

Later will be meeting Verna and Geraldine at Bugis... hope it will be a fun time!!!

2005-05-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

Another character analysis i did online... quite true.. bvut too bad cannot post here

I am the Fruitty Fragrance Type

You radiate independence and happiness, alwaysimmersed in fun seeking activities, like a innocent child. You always manage to bring life to a party, thus you are indispensible to parties. Although you arecheerful, well liked by most, others thinks that it is difficult to be good friends with you, because the impression that you give is that of a comedian. Some think that you like to make a fook of others and are dependent on others, so they are reluctant to be close to you. But you are actually mature and firm. There are few that truly understand you, leaving you a few bosom friends.

2005-05-26T10:29:00.000+08:00

TYPE B

You are a more active person, drawing a clear line between happiness and unhappiness. You are more quick-tempered. If you encounter things you like, you will do it without second thought. But once you encounter things that you hate, you will wish to get out of it as soon as possible. As you are a person of your own views, the friends you tend to have will be of the same pattern. But once good friends, you will understand them a lot and go all the way to help them. Friends are very dependent on you. As you are too emotional, you may make a storm out of a teacup wit! h your friends. You must learn to do things in order and not give up easily. You can try making friends with those you don't think you can get along with, don't stick with the same category. This will make you more popular and charming.

some test i did thru emaill... quite accurate actually!!!

2005-05-22T19:22:00.000+08:00

We just had water games and the sea current in Desaru is super strong!!! Its not suitable for swimming! I saw some other ppl playing Banana Boat, motor boat and parachuting... So shiok. But all this costs quite alot of money so we have to plan our own activities... Yeah well i got flung in the sea a few times and i drank quite alot of salt water... Hope I dun get hypertension. After that we went to swim in the swimming pool though i swam with my shirt on... haha!!! Then we played water captain ball... So irritating always cannot win cause got one of the boys in the other team like half a body taller than me and always catch the ball. I only manage to snatch the ball from him once and i got kick him unintentionally when i wash swimming towards the ball.. Oops... but neverthe less i think i suck at playing ball games in the pool... After that we played on the slides... Yippee quite fun!!!

2005-05-22T11:16:00.000+08:00

Hello, today was slighly better than yesterday. maybe due to the fact I woke up in quite good spirits. i even learnt how to play ping pong though my friend always scold me cause i exert alot of strength on the ping pong ball until she have to run around catching it... but it is a pretty fun sport!!! I am getting fat... every meal is buffet but the food here is good!!!

Just now had this inspiring talk on putting everything in God's hands. Would I follow wat God wants me to do 100%. The answer is i dunno... there is a 50-50 chance. i can say I am a very selfish person and God would probably be irritated by my lukewarmness!!! i mean who isn't especially when it comes to their life!!!

2005-05-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

The next few entries are the ones I wrote in my hotel room in my diary but I am just transferring everything here...

Hello, I am now in Desaru writing this. Throughout the journey this question keeps on popping in my head. AM I ANTISOCIAL??? I just find that the ppl in my church are super expressive and outgoing and enthusiastic. I guess i am too to a certain extent but i really have to see my mood and the occassion. I just feel that sometimes I am unable to fit into their circle... since most of them grew up together and are the best of friends. I still dun get it... after 3 years i still cannot connect with the ppl in the church. I really try very hard and at times it seems that i try too hard. I dun want to be someone else other than myself. Those in the same batch as me are nice and friendly but i just cant seem to click with them. Like for example just now one of the ppl I not so close was sitting next to me during dinner and we just tried talking. She is the very enthu person that tries to talk to everyone. But I have this very strong gut feeling that she actually not that interested cause when i talking to her she seems distracted and her eyes are roaming around everywhere. i know she in enthu to talk to everyone in the room but wat I want is at least some simple eye contact. I like to make friends but most importantly is they must be sincere with the time they are with me.

Anyways i really thank God for Ina. if not for her i would probably be a loner (maybe not so serious) cause i not really that close to the others in the camp, but i know can always make friends but then must see if i want to... haha!!! Anyways thats all for the complaints of the Day...

2005-05-21T07:33:00.000+08:00

Hello!!!! In a few hours time I will be on my way to malaysia for a few days. I will be going to Desaru with my church. Hope it will be fun and i will make lots of friends. As I said I not exactly very close to the ppl in my church so really hope can get along with them!!! God Bless Me and those around me!

A bit tired now since yesterday was afternoon shift and i woke up early to pack all my stuff... Dun worry.. I am very certain I brought my passs port... haha!!! But really enjoyed my paeds attachment though its short. Made lots of new friends and learned quite a few things so really very happy. Ok dun have much time to write much so better chao!!! See me in a few days time!

2005-05-19T00:39:00.000+08:00

Watching a korean drama called Alcohol Land which is rather boring and long winded... But just watching to finsh it up. Tomorrow is afternoon shift so can sleep a bit later . Furthermore slept after I came back from work... recently feel very tired when i finish work.. and will sleep like pig... Enjoying myself in paediatrics... Got cute children but feel a bit insecure carrying babies sometimes cause i quite cor lor one until sometimes they so fragile until i scared i squeeze them... Yesterday made konnyaku jelly for the rest of my class mates and brought for my class mates to eat. Actually very easy to make one.. sometimes just like making food for my friends to eat... haha... but my cooking not up to standard... so i prefer making desserts and cakes... haha!!! ok ... not much inspiration to write now. Bye!!!

2005-05-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

I am a easy going person ... I can definately take jokes and at some times it seems as if i got such a sweet temper i can shake of any nasty comments... but there is something i cannot take... Dun ever say that I cannot be a good nurse... its my biggest wish to be a good nurse... I know sometimes i may be blur blur... but i give my patients good care and though I may be gan chiong but I still care very much for them... even if its a joke its not funny... I think some ppl have to stop and control their words... There is a limit for anything. You find it very funny to talk about other ppl but I dun find it nice and funny at all... Though this person is not talking bad about me or anything I see the way she talks about other ppl is a bit too much. I was just thinking about the time in sec. school when my very good friend kept on saying bad things about me , she even say in front of me but in indian... Its not a good feeling. And I was shocked and hurt when i found out.

Hiaz... there are different sort of ppl and sometimes i feel when working you got to very much rely on yourself. learn to be independent. Sometimes i can trust a person but draw a line somewhere. Maybe its because of character or past experience. Sometimes when ppl try to help me I go even further back into my shell.. as if not wanting them to know me too much... I fear that once they know me they wun like me anymore cause they see all my negative traits. Hmmm.. guess thats low self esteem... keeping my problem all to myself so i wun bother other ppl... Though when ppl say to confide in them I wonder they really mean it... whether they regret it... Its tiring for ppl to keep on telling them your problems. So I just wanna remember all the good things in my life... But to all those ppl I really appreciate your concern... haha!!!

2005-05-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

Your #1 Match: ENFJ

The Giver
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver
You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.
You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

Your #3 Match: INFJ

The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's" Your Personality Type?

2005-05-18T20:42:00.001+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-05-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

Its so hot I dun find it farnie anymore... I just feel so sianz...How... !!! Haiz...Worst of all the exams neede to be during this period... I can feel my brain cells melting...

2005-04-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

There are times when i love to be around ppl and make friends... but there are times that i like to be alone... if you happen to talk to me during this time i might not reply much... but that does not mean i dun like you... Hmmm... i guess this is wat happened during cell grp... i cant say i was very communicative... in fact i only replied in simple syllabus answers. But fret not its only temporary... haha... tomorrow i will be lively and jumpy again... And i have not been totally open with my church friends... Mainly cause i take a really long time to trust someone. i dunno lah... church is not exactly a place that i can really be myself... maybe its time to commit... God, please guide me in the right ministry for me to go into... I was thinking of prayer ministry cause i like to pray for other ppl. Cause i believe in the power of prayer...

And my mother was telling me we might have to move house... but i will discuss more into it when it is really confirmed... Oh yeah... and me planning to go Desaru for the holidays for church camp... !!! Hope its fun man...