I just took a 2 hour nap... For me sleep comes easily, once i plop on bed i am drawn into sleep full of dreams. Sometimes I cannot remember what my dreams are about but i have a strong feelings sometimes my dreams are quite sad... and i wake up feeling a bit mentally tired.




Today I went to school for 2 lectures. Dunno why i was extremely hardworking today. It seems as if I was back in secondary school, working hard everyday and never ever hearing of the word SLACK. Anyways i am proud of myself for today but hopefullly i remain as consistent and disciplined as today. I really like my new subject today on oncology although i still find it very chim. I find it very challenging to learn about this disease that is hitting so many ppl nowadays. And i am hoping I can learn more to help ppl who have this sickness...

I had my clinical assessment just now... I really feel like banging my head. I really did not want intubation to come out. I try not to say it out but actually in my heart i really did not want it... And in the end that is exactly what i got... My assessor was DC... she is the clinical manager... Pretty strict I would have to say but she did prompt me several time, not that i did not know my stuff just that i got it all in different sequence... personally i thought i was going to fail... She too was saying whether she should pass me or fail me but in the end she passed me... Actually I feel rather shocked... I dunno if one of my other classmates who is not on good terms with DC, did the test and made the same mistake... would she pass like me, or get picked for every little mistake.




I find God has indeed blessed me in all things that I do... Although I sometimes forget to include him in my daily life and only pray so powerfully during troubles, he is indeed gracious... Cause I can feel his presence in my life (at least most of the time... haha). Thank you God!

And so I am back hear in the lab again.. Monday blues... The rest of the week will be better but i just hate mondays.. well just make the most of each day (the saying goes). I was so nervous that this morning i woke up at 7 to practice my skills... haha,,. i know . i know. I am kiasu... Haha!!! Then on the way to school i took the route to toa payou and could not resist not eating kfc... I have dreaming about kfc in my dreams and wanting to eat it for a long time... I think its ppl influence over me... last week a few of my friends told me they ate kfc so my mouth started to water.. i am such a lazy glutton.. Haha!!!




And i wasn't really in a very smily mood this morning, but the cashier made me feel very happy cause she was so friendly... This reminds me of the time i was working in BK... The work was tough initially but after i got the gist of it i think i really did really good... And the manager always put me in the cashier and she made me train those old aunties to use the cashier or get around on the first few days.. i GUESS i have more patience bah... and I definitely can click well with the aunties and uncles.. haha!!! Then i remember when i was working, off course it was to get experience and some money. But i enjoyed what i did.. my pure intention was that it makes me feel happy to see my customers happy... That I can hopefully brighten someones day.




Now in my nursing course, my intentions are more or less the same... except it is much more challenging in nursing... My intention is to bring relief to the patient, to bring a smile or word of encouragement to them... And for those that are dying to let them have a piece of mind b4 they go. I will pray for them... it is not as simple as when i was working as a cashier. in fact much much tougher until i wonder if I am cut really out for such high stress, burn out job... But that is my initial intention why i wanted to join in the first place and i will stick by it... Thank god for encouraging friends that stay by me.. If not for you all.. I dun think i can stay on so long.

Hello.. Haiz.. I am still worried about my test tomorrow... Dunno why I am so worried also... Anyways I really feel that the week end passes damn fast... I dun feel like going back to school to face reality... Someone please wake me up please.





Anyways yesterday I had lots of fun... I never felt so happy in a long time. I went out with my friend Angelina. And the 2 of us went to Cafe Cartel in City Hall and ate a big portion of Pork Ribs and a mango smoothie. Angelina used to work in cafe cartel... haha!!! So she has discount. After that we walked to the esplanade and took alot of pictures. Then she brought me to the big field in front of the supreme court (Do you call it the padang?). There was a movie screening there . It was a theme of watching movie under the stars. Anyways Angelina won tickets to gain entry to this event. I saw alot of familys and children around. They were showing 2 instalments of Harry potter. One was the "Chamber of Secrets" and the other one i forgot the name... Anyways we only stayed to watch the "Chamber of secrets". I am not a big fan of Harry Potter, and this is actually the first time i really sit down and watch the movie once through. I would have to say its not bad and actually funny at times.



But time really passes very fast when we are enjoying ourselves. Haiz...

Oh dear. i am really worried about the practical test on monday.. It did not really help that they just told us yesterday. Blame me for all this last minute preperation. I really suck at ETT intubation. Today is like the 2nd time i am doing it... I really cant remember so many things... hehe...

Haiz.. today I feel I did something good yet something stupid. Just now when me and alina were at Bugis, I happened to chance upon a wallet on the floor. It seemed like everyone was ignoring it and just walking pass it... So I picked it up... The aunty who was a shopkeeper told me to pass it to the security guard. So I went around looking for one... On the way however I opened and saw it was from an Indonesian student. I think he just withdrawed money cause there had got to be at least 10 fifty dollar notes (singaporean currency). Adding up to about a 1000 dollars and there was some Indonesian currency. All the cards were Indonesian cards. I passed it to the security counter and I had to do some procedure to declare that I picked it up and they counted the money in front of me... After that i told alina that if other ppl had picked up the wallet, i think they would not be able to withstand not taking the money. I told her even if I took it i would not be able to get over my conscience... haha!!! My mom told me she was very proud of me, cause alot of ppl are money minded but i choose to be honest... Then my brother told me I was really stupid. I should have taken the money and used it... Anyways I have no regrets doing what I did with my whole heart. Just that he scared me and told me the securtiy guard will probably take the money... haiz... I think I should have given it to the police instead... Did I do something wrong. Now I feel damn stupid. Just cause I wanted to get it out of my hands as fast of possible so i passed it to the security guard. Am I being foolish. The security guard looks honest but can I base my judgement solely on that. I think now the situation is not within my means. I can only wish the person will get back his wallet and belongings.

A very touching story




A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home from the war. He called his parents from San Francisco.



"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."



"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."



"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."



"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."



"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."



"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."



At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.




The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.


Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!!

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ....AND YOU WILL CRY...



Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When canI see him?"




The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't makeit." Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care anymore? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of thenurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."



Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son. Sheran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair."Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in aplastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea todonate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after Idie. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with hisMom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."



Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, afterspending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy'sbelongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings,and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She startedplacing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging hispillow, cried herself to sleep.



It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was afolded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so youwon't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls andstuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is aneat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels areso cool. I love to watch them fly. And, y ou know what? Jesus doesn't looklike any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's kneeand talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him thatI wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed.



Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I thinkGabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions youasked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the sameplace with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I haveto give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great.



Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that? Signed with Love from: God, Jesus & Me. Let's see Satan stop this one.

My sprit is pretty light hearted today. Today we had a lesson on basic Trauma Life Support which is done mostly by paramedics when they reach the site of accident. There are alot of things they have to do besides CPR. They have to assess the patient, treat injured part with splint, dressing, bandage, assess the injured part, secure the cervial spineand transfer on the board to put on the ambulance. I volunteered to be the model... haha!!! it feels so vulnerable cause alot of ppl were around me and they never bothered to explain to me what were they were doing.. well I suppose its all practice but if i was injured i would still want some psychological support. During the process i made someone angry and she shouted at me... i dun feel angry just shocked.. haha!!! Also partly my fault in the first place. But I am starting not to like the person more and more. Maybe I am being too judgemental. but i will start to talk to her but I dun really want to have too much to do with her...



I feel relieved cause there are no projects for the time being. Next week we are starting on our Emergency project. i told my group members i am sick and tired of projects for this week. Give me a break... haha!!! anyways yesterday one of the lecturers said something that captured my thought... she said that if we learn for the sake of assessment it will not turn out very well... We might forget the next minute after we get tested.. hah!!! I can't deny that sometimes I only practice for the sake of the test... but i think if i learn for the sake of my future patients, it will be much better and it will be long time learning. i hope i can remember it till the day I die... hopefully i dun get dementia.



Recently i dunno why. i have become very forgetful. I always cannot find my keys or cards until my mother got so irritated with me. haiz.. its such a headache to be her daughter. And 2 days b4 I accidently threw away her contact lenses cause i thought they were mine... they were put in the exact same looking box... haiz.. Off course i got a big scolding... Haiz.. I really feel bad, but in the end I have to pay back quite a sum of money to her... Sometimes I cannot stand myself... Haiz...



My grandma gave me a bottle of birds nest that was actually for herself. So sweet of her... But actually i dun really like the taste of it... cause its the first time i ahve eaten it in my whole life.. maybe i shall give it to my mother or brother... OOOOOh ... isn't that sweet of me...

I am soooooooooooooo tired today... today i the most exhausting day so far for Year 3. I think it must be accumulated fatigue cause every night i am busy doing my project until very late.



Anyways today we had 2 presentation. The first one was mental health. My group members are Yelly, Audrey, Eveline, Jacq Lam and off course me... Actually i find my group members for this group are all very cooperative. Only one of my members always come late, but when i ask her to do the question she will produce good work, so i never said anything. Fot this project I was working with yelly most of the time. We all decided to make a mind map for our question as there are alot of parts. I am glad it turned out successful which is surprising cause i thought it was rather messy. Nevertheless it turned out well and we got an A... I am happy in my heart but at the same time i think it didn't come easy... it takes so much effort to make something but is so easy to destroy it.. thats what happened to my mind map.. probably down some rubbish chute now...





Secondly was my food trail project. Seriously that one was a big head ache... Most cause it was damn last minute.. I am in a super last minute group... and there is one really big bo chap person inside... Anyways i find there is some sort of conflict in the group but i dun really feel like getting myself involved cause i am only here for one project. But it just made me see that some ppl can make good friends but not exActly good project group members. Thats all i got to say... Anyways just now during the presentation i was already damn tired so i feel i did not perform my best... My head feeels damn pain...



Anyways i would like to thank God for carrying me during this tired period...

I just finished discussing half of the powerpoint for food trail with audrey. She told me she feels like only me and her are doing the project. Well I cant say much cause its partly the group fault that they do everything so last minute. But i dun want to be too judgemental, just do what i must do . I am only in their group for one project. She is already stressed up enough.. i am serious. i seldom hear her so stressed... but i will help her. Group members are supposed to help each other through thick and thin right....




Today I went to distribute pamphlets at Tampines. I can say its just so unrewarding and boring. I feel as if I am wasting my time... Its as if I am begging them to take the pamphlets. Well i can't say much cause i also dun like being given pamphets. Anyways its always an experience. I want to experience other types of job b4 i become a staff nurse. Its a pity i dun think i have much chance... But i should be grateful i have a job ready when i graduate.



Actually i dunno... when i was there i suddenly hoped someone would appear before me. Those ppl who live in the east would definately come to Tampines right?. I dunno why this thought came to me also. Maybe cause i once met that person here. But off course nothing happened today and here i am with still no clue where the person is now. I guess thats the difference between drama tv and reality. There are almost never coincidences in which you meet other by chance... Haiz.. but i just find reality sucks... wish i could stay in my dream land.

I am tired... sometimes its just so tiring to persist on... I want to be strong but sometimes I really question whether I am... I am after all a girl trying to grow up in this stressful fast paced society. School has been hectic, whne i go home I am too tired to say much... Too tired to do housework sometimes until at times it just piles up and I have to do it at one shot non stop... So much clothes to be washed. At least now my father is willing to do some of the housework, so i must be thankful... I am indeed blessed I think...




Today I packed up my bag which was so messy full of god knows what unnecessary things that i bring to school... I feel much neater, and i did a bit of my knitting... Ok now knitting is not exactly the first thing on my mind, but i shall still persist on. I feel god put ppl beside me to make me beome a better person and learn what i can in this world. I learnt from alina that i must persist on no matter what. seeing her so motivated in her knitting i feel more motivated to continue on... and i always see her so neat and proper. It is worth learning cause i am a super messy and forgetful person... haha . even my mom can't stand me...



Today we had our Napfa test... I was not too enthusiastic about it... i guess i am not ambitious about it . As long as I pass I am contented... All i can say is my stamnia has deproved, my standing broad jump is sucky. but the rest is ok, especially my sit ups in which i did 40 in a minute. Before that I heard one of my friends say she is aiming to get an Gold for her Napfa... in the end i think she got a bronze. Anways i think its good to be ambitious to a certain extent. But this makes me feel a bit bad. I feel i am too happy go lucky sometimes and dun have much expectations. Maybe if i am like this I wun go far in life. Is it really that important to get the best in everything and be very successful I suppose it is to most ppl.... But its all hard work... i know i ( actually everyone ) can do it as long as they put their hearts and minds to it... But the thing is wheter you make thA t decision to put in effort...

Hello. I am now typing this during my 3 hour break in the school computer lab. I feel a bit mentally tired cause i feel alot of projects coming up and clashing at the same time... But I must be strong. I think if I dun think so much or worry and just do what I need to do it wun be as stressful for me.!!! God grant me sterngth. My food trail and mental health project is next tuesday. i must practice some time management... For my food trail I will just try my best. For mental health me and yelly are thinking of doing a very big mind map for our qusetion... but we hope it wun be messy... God Bless us!!! We were just thinking of doing something different.




This morning we had a tutorial on mental health and we discussed about self esteem. i did not know so many ppl have this problem of low self esteem. I thought mine is low but actually it was not as bad a i expected it to be... haha...

Hi... I just came back from my cousin's wedding dinner... It was quite a noisy occasion cause my cousin's husband family owned some seven month ge tai business... haha!!! The food was good... And me and my brother sat with our cousins. I draqnk 3 cups of beer... Oh dear, hope tomorrow i dun have a hang over, but i dun think so. Now I dun feel anything... I feel so distant to some of my cousins. Maybe cause we seldom see each other. I can't seem to think of what to say to them.



But I got this 2 very nice cousins. One of them is Gwen who is 24 and her brother Wesley who is 16... The brother is just soooo cute... I mean it... He is soo shy and sometimes his whole face will turn red when I make fun of him... Haha... it was not bad talking to him cause we both have rather the same interests as in anime, computer games... blah blah... And he is becoming a very charming young man... haha!!! I mean it...I like him the most compared to the rest of my male cousins. I mean like him as a cousin lah... haha!!!




Today I also met up with yelly to discuss our mental health project... We met at City Hall StarBucks... Besides that we chatted.. I find her a very easy going person to talk and work with... haha!!! I think tomorrow must wake up early to go through the project cause i did not have much time to look through it cause of attachment...

Hello... my one week "holiday" is ending. Yesterday was my last day of attachment in ward 58... I would say it was a very tiring, short but enjoyable attachment. I would have liked it if I were there a few more weeks... Although I say I like it, I would have to say I am a bit scared i get posted there for my PRCP cause it is almost too challenging, too busy... i dunno whether I can take it... I see those newly passed out staff nurses really struggling... When I think about it I think i might be one of those struggling too.. but we all need to go through this phase right... This attachment really taught me to be more independent in doing my skills. Although I feel I still have alot of room for improvement I can only say i will try. I met some nice staff nurses who are willing to give me oppurtunities to improve myself. One of the senior staff nurses who I really respect has been working for 20 over years... She really taught me alot.



Yesterday after work I changed and bathed in the hospital b4 meeting Jenny at Tampines. Initially we wanted to go to Pasir Ris park for a picnic. But in the end it started raining so we went to Sakae Sushi... We ate lots... I was really very tired after work so I did not really have the mood to talk too much. After that i borrowed a Hong Kong Series called "Angels of Mission 3D". its quite nice but a bit lame... something like Charlies Angels but the HK version.



Today I was supposed to go for the yellow Ribbon Walk but I was way too tired . In the end I overslept. i also feel my body aching.. Maybe its accumulated tiredness from the week... I have a healthy body yet I feel tired. Imagine if I was not so healthy, I wonder how they can take it. In the end I went shopping for a while cause I need to buy shoes for my cousin's wedding dinner tomorrow... And i even bought Famous Amos cookies for my family... They are so fragrant... love them!!!