Must be fast.. must be fast... thats what i learnt from in this ward... but must be accurate too... haiz. One of the newly pass out staff nurse always very fast, even when i talk to her also very fast. When I was eating with her she ate as if there is no tomorrow... I worry that she might get a heart attack... i think maybe I got to learn a bit of my fastness from her cause I am pretty slow... Maybe train myself for next time it won't be such a hard time for me... But she is nice ... she made me do alot of skills like S/C, IM, prime all the drips, change IV, flush tubings.. haha.. thats fo rtoday... i hope i see her tomorrow... I think i better start learning the ropes of the S/N job and not only do all junior work... Hope tomorrow is a nice day for me...!!!

I just love to wake up early for afternoon shift and watch the early morning news... Revise through my work for attachment. And maybe eat something large b4 going to work. Its so enriching... I still dunno whether I like morning or afternoon shift. For morning shift there are more things to do but I just hate to wake up 4.40 in the morning... I have nothing much to say except my whole body is achy even though i slept well last night... Its really madness working in the ward... I can work until I drop... but its a good learning experience... but whatever it is I still went for break cause I know all this work cannot be fininshed. There is always more and more to do...Must go for break when I still have the chance to do so... haha!!!

Haiz... why am i always alone... I am alone for atachment. I just feel that now in year 3 the staff expect us to know how to do the skill, but actually i feel incompetent. Today i started my one week attachment in ward 58 which is for general surgery. Our clinical instructor said we must do all the dressings. The more the merrier.... there were 8 dressings in my room. So Jocelyn (the new friend I made from group 26) did 3 and i did 3 . But can you imagine starting tomorrow we are not together (I am in afternoon and she is in morning). She will have to do almost all dressings herself and the same goes for me when i do morning.



I find in this ward I am really forced to be task orientated... I did not even have time to rest even a teeny weenie bit. Oh dear , i am very scared I will become a nurse that does not care about the patient... I really had to squeeze time to go for break... but I told myself I have to go (I must love myself or how can I love others)... haha!!!



There is really so much to learn and so little time... I must not procrastinate... Sometimes i really feel like God likes to test me to the limit.. Like for instance, he made me fail my assessment but he made me learn something important too... that life still has to go on. He took my loved ones away from me at the same time.... but he made me learn that it was actually a relief for them and i should be happy... He made me the leader of the project group... which made me learnt how much I hate being the leader but maybe taught me more responsibility... He put me all alone when I am working... I know its a matter of sooner or later.. But mine came sooner than later... Tomorrow I am the only student working for that shift (or maybe there is one other yr 2 but not in the same room)... I really dunno why he keeps on liking to test me... I dunno whether I can do it.. i really hope i can cope... Another thing is that i think i am fated in this ward.. last year my uncle passed away of liver damage in the exact same ward... and i keep coming back here for attachment...

Hello.. its been a long time since i last blogged.. life has been normal for me.. There have been happy times and sad times but isn't this all a part of life. Sometimes i find it very tiring to continue striving but we all have to persevere isn't it... I still have to run a long way...



Today I was supposed to go for training but i suddenly had really bad menstrual cramps so I decided not to... I dunno why my cramps are always really bad... This afternoon I had a project discussion in the library.. Suddenly I was in pain and i even started sweating in the air con room... good thing Yelly gave me 2 panadol... thanks to her. I am really touched...



Sometimes i think I make life too packed and tiring for myself. I want to do alot of things in the little time I have... I want to live each day as fulfillingly. Today when I went home my only wish was to be with my family. I wanted to buy back a nice dinner, borrow some nice shows and enjoy family bonding. But then i called back and found out my father was out drinking and playing mahjong, my brother went out until very late with his friends, my sis has her own life, my mum told me she is working until very late... Haiz.. so its me again.. me and no one else. Anyways i can do alot of things to entertain myself... I think today I am a little too emotional. Must be hormonal imbalance...



Anyways I hope tomorrow will be a good day. Tomorrow I am going out with Jenny and alina in the evening to watch the spook show... God Bless me!!!



Another thing is next week is my holiday but I have to go for attachment... Haiz.. no time to rest...

I passed my practical retest.. sooo happy!!! I know Chan Lee Yong (my teacher) purposely pick me cause i am her student... She is really very nice and encouraging during the procedure. I took a pretty long time cause I was afraid of leaving anything out or making any mistakes.



After that i went back home with Verna and she gave me a bracelet. I was so touched and fascinated... This is the first time i have worn a bracelet b4... Anyways it is a silver bracelet with lots of bells that make alot of noise but I love it... haha!!! I am really very touched... haha.. that she is willing to give me support during the test. And I like to thank everyone for their encouragement and prayers during this period. I will not say out your names but you know... haha!!!

I thank God for everything in my life. I thank God for letting me experience failure so i can really see my weaknesses and perfect myself. In life, we can't always get what we want but we must not give up. I am thankful to God for taking my Yi Po away cause I knew she really suffered on earth, going through dialysis for 13 years and suffering a stroke. Though I was initially very sad yesterday especially when i was in school after going for the funeral. I asked my aunty , who was the daughter of Yi Po, then she told me she will be strong but she burst out crying in front of me... It is ok to be sad right, but after that we must still go on with life. Just keep those precious memories in life. I thanks God for making me me...

Her death has sort of fully seeped in into my head... I just feel like resting now and feel very tired... my mum told me to send her off for her last journey which happens to be tomorrow.. After this i wun be able to see her anymore.. Although what I am seeing is just a shell... Today when i was doing the lecture i really tried to concentrate. But i remember she kept on telling me to study hard... study hard... I think I will study hard... People cry when they watch dramas.. i never cry... In fact i almost never cry. I only save my tears to those loved ones of mine. I only cried one tear then i told myself to stop... Life is like that... the last time I saw her she was so active and naggy.



Later on is my clinical remedial. God Bless me.!

I just found out my Yi Po died in her sleep last night... It seems ppl around me are passing away. I feel a bit weird.. cause she always used to like me cause i was one of the more respectful grandchildren. Then I used to call her the "big mouth grandmother". Actually I found her rather naggy. But her sudden death just shocks me... She was always there and making alot of noise and nagging... Haiz... My mom told me to go for her funeral but its on thursday and I have a practical and theory test on that day. Somehow i dun like to face death. I dunno how to either. Recently it was my uncle's death now my Yi Po... i think she will forgive me... I really dun want it to affect my test that day... Haiz...