A totally slacky day where i have not done anything productive... I feel so guilty now... haiz. i hate feeling like this... maybe cause sometimes i can be a workaholic i feel weird when i dun do anything... Sianz sianz sianz!!! Someone come and entertain me please...!!!

Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.

How is your soul?(pics)
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Life is good and bad. You know it can never be
perfect and that it never have been, and you're
fine with that. You still feel it's important
to live life since it can end any day and not
sulk because of some little failure in life.
You are often a happy person, still you don't
laugh all the time. You have a somewhat calm
aura and most people feel comfortable around
you.

How do you see life?
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Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and
shining with love. You believe in the goodness
of those around you and give almost everyone a
smile. You are not the kind to hide your
happiness and tend to smile all day long, both
in and out. But when sadness hits you, you
become very devastated and may be upset for
quite some time. What you need in your life is
friends, friends who will love you
unconditionally, like you love them. But you
have a naive nature and don't always notice
when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would
say you are oblivious to mean people, which
makes you an easy target. However, your true
friends will probably be there for you and save
you. In school you are either the popular one
or the little weird one. It all depends if
"the higher people" find your caring
side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have
a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys
may not be your thing since you want bonding
time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit
you more. You like the happy things in life and
like everyone else to be as happy as you are.
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What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
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Did you know nature is so beautiful. The air is much cleaner, the ambience is peaceful, Everything has its role in nature... However it is fast dying in this fast tracked pace of singaporean society. Some plants can be eated for survival purpose, some have medicinal uses such as the singapore rhodo dandrum (I think thats how you pronounce it) is used to make po chai pills...



Today I went for the tree top nature walk at macritchie resrvoir. I really enjoyed the walk. Although it was around 3 km but i wished it were longer. I learnt quite alot from this walk as there was a guide to explain to us the various plants, birds and animals. A part of me is so happy and curious about all the different things out there. God is indeed amazing !!! I saw a monitor lizard , but it had already died and was lying on its tummy... thats pretty sad... and i saw many differenty colour butterflies... and i even opened up a chempedek fruit that had fallen (it made my hands sticky with the rubbery sap). I have never felt so carefree in such a long time. A part of me wants to go back again... But i want to go sungei Buloh and Taman negara... haha... I can dream... No one would be interested.. would they? They would just call me childish for liking all these activies.. maybe i am... but i still like it alot...



Halfway thru it started raining and we walked the remaining of the trail in the rain... but it was still nice! i thank God for making such a universe !

Today i failed my practical exam. I think it came a shock to most ppl and to myself too... Not that I thought i would do very well.. But I had roughly practiced quite a few times b4 (especially on scrubbing). What do I have to say... I can't exactly say I am that upset. B4 the test I just prayed that God will give me the marks that I deserve. I dun regret not praying for a pass... If I could turn back time maybe I could change that mistake I made but time does not wait for us. What do ppl want me to do... Wallow in self pity? Maybe i did for a while. I mean some ppl fail and they start to blame everyone else except themselves. I think when the occasion arises we just have to look at ourselves and see whether the problme itself lies in us. Though it is inevitable a part of me is upset, but i like someone who tells me my mistakes , no matter how small they are. My assessor was quite particular. But I did learn a bit within the short time I was with her.




There is one lecturer I used to dislike with all my heart cause she failed my assessment when i was in yr 1, but now when i think back i have no reason to hate her. Although she is strict and has a sharp tongue, but those mistakes that she pointed out were really there. I am ok with ppl failing me unless they are totally unreasonable. But if the problem lies with i did not do it correctly, or got nervous then during assessment then we have nothing to complain about.



I am really ok... I did not even have the time to be sad or anything. After the assessment I was still smiling away. After that i rushed to do the CBL project with Chan and after that discuss my osteoporosiss project with my group. I could not let my feeling get to me cause i had a presentation later in the day... somemore it was sort of a mini role play. I think towards the afternoon time the fact started to get to me and i sorta became a bit grumpy but nevertheless I think I still put in my best shot for my project. After that i wanted to go for knitting class with Alina, but i suddenly felt so mentally, emotionally and physically tired so i skipped the lesson and went back home first. The trip home on 65, I had the most deep sleep i ever had on the bus. Nothing could wake me up. I think it must be the mental turmoil... haha...




I can' t let this small little failure get to me. In front of me are many more challenges. But thanks to all the ppl who gave me support during this period, like Chan, Jenny, Alina... I love you all!!! For you and for me, i will be strong!!!


I still think I am very blessed and God is good, I managed to find all my knitting things which i thought i lost today... Yeah! i can continue knitting!!!

In the evening, I went to Jenny's house to practice the surgical scrubbing, rubbing, gowning and gloving. Tomorrow is the test and I really hope we all can pass... The 2 of us looked like idiots doing the dry wash. After that we practiced one more time on the role play. I dun know how much more time we have like this, going to each others houses. BUt I really treasure the time we have together...


Today something quite disapointing happened to me... but i really dun feel like talking about it... I just feel so irritated at myself... Hmmmph....

Today is a pretty busy day for me... I am sort of having stomach cramps...

This morning, I had to go to school early as I am taking part as the usher for the graduation ceremony. It was really a nice day to sleep... Seeing the rain today made me feel a bit disgusted and uncomfortable. Anyways I rushed to go to school as Doris Chan sent us a last minute message at 5am that we are suppose to meet earlier. I even took the express bus which is more expensive... But anyways good thing I was not late!!!



We had to wear this really formal blazer during the graduation. My blazer was super big and made me look like a clown. Overall this ushering thing is ok lah... I dun really enjoy it, but then again I think its a form of experience for me... so it might not be too bad after all... Just that in the beginning I was not really to sure what to do. But after that I got the hang of it. I also think these kind of occasions is a good chance to make new friends.



Seeing all our senior graduate, I feel very reluctant to think about my future. About what I will become off... The beginning is always the toughest and has always been the case for me... Sometimes I can be slower than other ppl... But once i pick up I think I can do it and sometimes better than other ppl... cause i do it wholeheartedly. What I am very scared of is the beginning... Will I have enough will power to overcome it. The 3 years of study are not for nothing.



Anyways the graduation ceremony is pretty boring to tell the truth. But sometimes I think my strength is i like to interact with ppl , so i will try to build up on my strength. There were lots of speeches by impt. ppl and everyone went to the stage to get their certificates. After that the lot of us as ushers took some photos. Lunch was provided, nothing much to say about that just that it is not as nice as i expected.



I am a bit upset. My food trail group has not met up or done anything. Actually i have also done nil research on it. There has just been so many other things to occupy my time with. I was already a bit upset to be in this group but just now they called me over and asked me to be the group leader. Reason cause that person is clueless bout what is happening so she does not want to do it... Hello!!!! She is suppose to be the food trail guide. None of the 2 food trail guide in my group have gone out but they are suppose to know more than me right. Its either her or the other one , but the other one is so yaya papaya... Its just like putting the load of burden on someone else's back... That is just soooo "nice" of them... i told them a straight NO in their face. I am already the leader of 2 other projects. What do you take me for. Someone you can push her and there at your beck and call... They tried to convince me again, but i told them NO NO No... I dun want to do it! I have worked with them during the leadership project and I am still very upset about what happened then. When things are ok, its good. When things go wrong you look for the one in charge!!! And the previous time they forgot I am not in charge. I am only a member that happend to do more and in the end they push everything to me...




I am not as noble as I look and am not as easily convinced as I seem... I dun want to be nice to them!!! I hate it..!!! Is it because they think I am very easy to bully. Well I won't give them what they want. For normal things I can close one eye... but I hate ppl to take advantage of me just because they think I am soft and wun reject their requests. The reason why I dislike being the leader is because sometimes (but depends on the ppl you working with) I have the feeling I am doing most of the work. Maybe I just dun have the qualities of one... maybe ... maybe... haiz... I dun want to think so much... Btw... Bloggie. i feel better now after writing it out. I can get on with life now. THANK YOU... ARIGATOU!!!

The third week of school has just finished today. I thought i could get a good nice rest tomorrow but it seems i have to go back to school for extra clinical practice and after that in the evening go for my friends bbq. Work is pilling up on me. Sometimes i think i worry too much. Worry is such a useless emotion . Instead of worrying I can use the energy I have to do what is needed. Nowadays I have so many things to do that I feel I neglect those ppl around me. Projects to research on, tutorials to complete. Things I want to do in such a short period of time. Things I am thinking of whether or not to continue.



A friend in class told me she had lost her goal in life and feels depressed. Come to think of it, I dun even know what my goal in life is. I want to be a good nurse. I want to go somewhere that really needs health care or any sort of care. Thats why I dun think I will ever go to OT nursing. Its too restrictive and technical. I want to make others happy and bring a smile to their face. I want to always be a simple person. I really want to help ppl but sometimes at the same time I am scared to be too nice. Its something I learnt in sec. school that you may be nice to ppl, but ppl can just stab you in the back. Thats why sometimes I am a bit afraid to be too close to ppl. It has never been my wish to be someone of high position. But sometimes in life you want to live simply but trials and circumstances dun permit you to do so. Actually i was quite upset that I was the leader this semester. Its third yeart and I dun want to make myself so stressed over school work. I suppose I am in this position to learn something. Just hope i dun screw up!



But I am very happy that I have God in my life. I already feel very fortunate like I am in love.
I know even if no one loves me, my lord god still does! My heart feels warm and full of radiance everytime I think of this love...

Happy photo!!! 

Dun we look comfy! 

Hey, we all look so grumpy! photo with my cell group on tuesday~! 

Random shot 

My cell group photo! 

Today i am in the super PMS day mood... I have a super stiff neck that is painful everytime i turn my head. I guess today i just woke up in a bad mood... Actually i woke up quite fearful. Cause I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that i was the victim of the JU-on thing... Haiz... I think my heart is too weak for horror shows now... Anyways it was sooo horrible. I was actually planning to go to school earlier at 8 but when i woke up it was still 5.30 and i wanted to wait until the sun came out cause at that point of time I was really scared of the darkness. So in the end I woke up at 8. But i still feel pretty groggy now...



And another thing is that my cell group keep making the meetings on tuesday. How many times must i say that I am not as free on tuesday. I end school at 6 and I still have my tkd. At this rate i may as well just quit my tkd... And saying about that, I really dunno if I should do so.... Hmmm... not merely bcos of my cell grp . I have not merely sorted out my thinking yet. So I will not say anything until then... Anyways today is just a dreary day for me... Haiz...



Oh but yesterday was not bad! Our ex cell group leader treated us to Seoul Garden to celebrate her pay increment. Its really nice of her! And I made a new friend called Cynthia . She comes from Hong Kong!




Oh i really wish I could talk to that friend... haiz.... I really wanted to meet her today but i woke up too late. She will understand my PMS days... cause i knows she has them quite often too... Maybe the 2 of us are abnormal... Haha!!!

Me and some of my classmates in the OT lab... Don't we look professional!!! haha!!! 

Recently have been trying to read the bible everyday more diligently. Although most of the time it seems that i put worldly things in higher priority i am really trying to change. I think as a child of Christ I have sort of forsaken him. i have also forgot that he loves me and cares about me. A few days ago i read this article i read this message in the daily bread.



From beginning to End
At age 30 she was ready to give up. She wrote in her diary," My god, what will become of me? I have no desire but to die." But the dark clouds of despair gave way to light, and in time she discovered the new purpose for living. When she died at age 90, she left a mark on history. Some believe that she and those who discovered chloroform and antiseptics to medicine did more than anyone to relieve human suffering in the 19thcentury. Her name was Florence nightingale, founder of the nursing profession.

Job went so far as to wish she had never been born (3:1-3). But thank God he did not end his life. Just as Florence nightingale came out of her depression and found ways to help others, so too Job lived through his grief , and his experience has become a source of comfort to suffering souls.

Maybe you are at the point of not going on. being God's child intensifies your desperation, for you wander how a believer could feel so alone and forsaken. Don't give up. Coming to the end of yourself emotionally could be the most painful experience you've ever encountered. but take courage. Cling to the lord in faith and start all over. god can use the "beginning from the end'



Maybe as a human being we are bound to all these human emotions that either put us up or down. you question yourself why you have to try so hard in life. You may even lose all your drive and enthusiasm... i think its important to reflect on it. But certain things no matter how you reflect , it wun be solved... So I want to cling on to my faith and start all over... Some ppl think too much and become depressed and end up in IMH. They were once normal ppl like you and me but there must have been something in the past that caused them to be the way they are.


I am not really really good at expressing my feelings but who cares... This is for myself and those close to me to read...!!!

Today is the 4th day of school.. Am happy to see all my friends... its amazing to see how far we have come together... I have to say I am really thankful of them for taking this journey in my life. School is fun... Although there are alot of projects and tests coming up but it still feels that we are in the comfort zone... Sometimes I question some of the modules or topics we learn whether it is really essential for our working life... Yep! i love school and a i love attachment at the same time... During attachment i really feel the application of wat we learn and there is some sort of satisfaction. But sometimes I will feel very tired. When i feel very tired sometimes do stupid things... haha!!! One of the staff nurse said the way i do things is very cute cause i am pretty clumsy... I know some of my friends will grumble at me saying this but i sort of wish there was more time for attachment... I really need that additonal hands on work b4 i become a staff nurse.

Ok, now its been the second time i have been turned away from donating blood. My iron level even lower than b4 at 10.8... Normal level is suppose to be 12 onwards. Hmmm... i really did get ready for this blood donation... I do what they ask me to do (eat more green veges, and force myself to eat liver sometimes). Maybe I should start eating iron tablets... haha!!! Anyways really tired when i went to Bugis with jiang Yan for a while then bought a small half apple strudel for my family... My mom and brother were so happy (especially my brother). Then slept for quite a while... Haiz I feel so sianz and tired today... I think i will sleep earlier... hopefully tomorrow I am energetic for morning lessons tomorrow...

Its been some time since I last updated... and wah la!!! I am in year 3 now... Time really flies (but i learnt its something that cannot be controlled) i think maybe i have matured in ways. Sometimes i wish i was still that simple innocent girl of my secondary school days... but I am also sure nursing has shaped me into a more understanding and realistic person...



I feel rather tired from yesterday training. I have been missing in action from the club for a few months... The skin on my feet has softened again and i incurred 2 blisters on my toes and one on my foot. it is rahter painful upon walking and there is some discharged coming from the wound... i cleaned it with antiseptic and covered it with a plaster... Actually i feel quite irritated that i got blisters. its such a pain in the feet... And i have to limp when i walk... haiz... When i went for normal trainings regularly I never used to get these injuries... This i suppose shows that i get what i deserve for nhot going for trainings regulary.



This morning I went to school early with Kavi. it is really nce to see him again... He also got some problem with his foot (i think the skin came out), and we were both limping to school. Its a pity verna was unable to join us... Its farnie... I came to schoool with verna yesterday and today i come with kavi but the 3 of us are never together... Maybe its nots god's will... haha!!! I have some good news is that verna has been baptised. although i am not baptised i am very happy for her... I will pray for her for her family's acceptance of her... I really that her for being my friend. I also find her one of those few ppl that i can really open my heart to... Although its not open wide but at least its still open... haha!!!



Today me and Xiao na were planning to go gym but i assessed my condition and my pain score and think its beeter if I dun do so much exercise for today as i have pain upon exertion. Instead we are going to donate blood. I hope i am able to donate cause the previous time I was turned away cause I had low blood count at that time... Its good to use to use my healthy blood to save someone!!!



School has been fine for me... In fact, i learnt to take things in my stride and although I am a bit worried about passing out as a staff nurse, its no use worrying about it... orrying is just so mentally and emotionally tiring. instead use wat time I have left to improve myself and do what i want to do...