I am getting more and more confused when i go for attachment. Sometimes wat they teach in school is very different from wat you see in the ward. You are really torn between the proper way and the norms of the ward. Sometimes you are borrowed from one room to another . I really want to just stay in my room and finish my work but i can't just let the other patients who are not being attended to (although they ring the call bell a long time) to continue being uncomfortable or in pain. Is this the conflict between responsibility in charge of my room and conscience to help other patients... When i was in yr 1 i did not really feel this pressure, cause i just tried to do everything within my means, but now i feel as if i must let my room be in good order, then slowly help my juniors and help them to the best of my ability. Then after my room is in order I will definsitely offer my services to help the other patients. I feel guilty suddenly disapearring from the room and letting them settle it(although I can say that i am helping other patients). I think my clincal instructor knows too. Though there is no right or wrong in this case ... Hmmm... wat to do. I think i will just go with my conscience when the occasion arises.. haha!!!




Apparently i think sometimes the hospital is a very chaotic place to work in. There is probably never a place or time we can really sit down and sometimes my body just feels achy by the end of the shift. Sometimes i just feel that my brain has to be split into a few pieces to remember all that has to be done. Cause there is always alot of things to do at the same time so must always prioritise. As yr 2 is ending I am getting more and more pressure especially from the clincal instructor. She comes to my room everyday without fail and she asks me the diagnosis of all my patients and what interventions i can do and what operation they have undergone. There is really so mush things to learn. I feel there is no ending to learning new things. Though the CI threatens to mark us down if we dun show us any initiative in learning , answering her questions or doing the skills, i am glad to say i think she is a good CI. Though at the moment i might not really like her but what she does is for our good... i hope to become a good staff nurse...




I remember one of my teachers in secondary used to tell something about giving a person a fish and it can only be fed for a day but if you teach a person how to fish it will be independent and be able to support itself. So i really thank the CI for not spoon feeding us and giving us time to grow.
Will i be beome a nurse that lets my juniors gain confidence in themselves and let them have space to grow. If so i always hope they always treat others (no matter whether patient or colleagues) as they want to be treated... I hope this concept will stay in my heart and mind even when i graduate and get caught up with all the things of the working world... I pray that my attachment will be fruitful and I will be able to learn as many things as possible... just feel i dun have much time left as a junior student... haiz...

Hello... its me again. I am getting ready for tomorrow attachment. i am sort of excited!!! but I never go to sgh to work for donkey months so hope I am not to blur on the first day. Work is 8-4 tomorrow and after that i got knitting class... must try to finish the remaining part of my hat.God Bless me and everyone breathing on this earth. I just think there is so much ppl to help, so many things to experience and though i am only one person hope i can be a help to the staff and patients there.

I am now listening to the song 陪我看日出（蔡淳佳）。I rememeber Jenny loves to sing this song and she always sing it to me... Haha!!! This morning I went to church and met Abigail... She scraped her knee and it was bleeding quite badly and asked me to do some first aid on her... I only gently used water and tissue to clean the wound... She almost screamed (i got to say the girl has almost no tolerance for pain). So I asked her to squeeze my arm if she wanted and she squeezed it pretty tight. But in the end she thanked me and told me I am a very good nurse... i dun really get her meaning cause she was practically screaming and squeezing my arm when i was doing the cleaning for her... haha!!!



Anyways today marks the end the end of my holidays. How do i feel... hmm... a bit sad I can say... Yesterday I was going through my event planner for the previous 2 terms and I realise I really know how to keep my schedule packed but I always have the feeling that I never did anything much... I think the problem lies with me... Like i can do more things and skip breaks during attachment but still feel really useless and i never help the patients much... Cause when i was young ppl called me stupid cause i am a slow learner. I think I must give a pat on my back. Encourage myself when i need it and praise myself generously... haha!!! This bad habit of mine: "Think too much negative things about myself" must change ok... I know you can do it Jolyn!!!




What does tomorrow hold for me... Wat will happen... who will I meet. The future is vast and blurry... But I will just hold on to my Lords hand and walk through this path... What has been done in the past cannot be undone but it is an experience and lesson learnt... And even if i am going through pain or difficulty, one day it will come to pass. Time really passes like water flowing down the stream especially when you are enjoying yourself (eg. holidays). Sometimes i really want to use my hnads to grab back all the time that has passed around me. Want to right the wrongs, but it is not possible so I cannot keep on gloating on it... i hate to say this phrase but "life is like that". I never use this phrase but when it comes to saying about time in our life its is really just like this... But I am thankful that I have spent my time fulfillingly (as in enough time for work, play and rest). Now i know how fast time just passes me I know its not the time to gloat about the lost time... it is time to press on and persevere. Even if I cry or beg it wun make the situation any better. And that is wat i want to say about ending Year 2 ... Lord, please give me strength...

I am now watching Ragnarok: mystic Sleuth Loki... it simply rocks... I just love watching anime... Anyways today is a rather tiring day for me. I went out in the morning and just came back home. Just blame on me yesterday me and my mother were trying to dismantle the cupboard until very late... I went for the community service club orientation camp. It was from 10 to 4... Actually i was suppose to go with Sonia but she had to work.



It was not bad but I was sort of tired. made a few nice friends. Its not a bad of a club and I can feel rather at ease with them. I believe maybe a good beginning is a good sign. Its usually better to do things with your school as you have a sense of belonging... We played quite a few games which sort of wore most of us out. My group consist of the least number of ppl... but in the end we won the most particiapative prize... Actually our group consists of one girl that i am not too sure wat i feel about her... As in I can tell she is trying to let other ppl perceive her in that way, but i can feel she is actually not like that... When i talk to her she gives me a very confused feeling, as in she is struggling with life, thats why she likes to be defiant. Hmmm... i dunno whether i can do anything to help... but i dun think she wants my help anyway (anyways my feeling could be wrong), but she is a very outspoken and outgoing person so it was a bonus to the group... and there was another junior from nursing who at first i thought he was a girl (really looks like one), but only half a day later i found out "she" is a he... it was so emberrassing...



After that I met verna to watch movie. We watched "Mr and Mrs Smith" . Hmmm... I would say it was an ok movie... maybe I would give it 3 /5 stars... Maybe all those Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt fans will like it... Its rather lame and unrealistic... but I have to admit its quite comical at times... haha!!! Anyways i was too tired to do anything else after that so we went home. but it was quite fun!!~!

I am now in my brother's room writing this entry... He is on the bed snoring like a pig... I feel like stuffing the Vicks thing into his nose... I am watching this show called "Sang Doo, Lets go to School". Its at a really sad part where SangDoo has to bring up his adopted daughter who has leukemia and he has to shave of her daughter's hair for the treatment... He works as a playboy who cheats old married woman off their money to save money for the expensive treatment.




Anyways i am trying to complete knitting the hat... I have unpicked the whole thing 3 times already... At first it was really frustrating cause i keep on making mistakes and dropping stitches. But now after making so many mistakes i am really improving. Though i dun really like making mistakes but its a must if you want to progress... I am taking up the knitting classes with Alina... but i find her to be more patient than me . Knitting requires alot alot of patience. For me to make it this far is already quite good ... Which means i have patience to a certain degree but as for Alina , I think she must be an angel... She is the most patient person i ever met... haha!!! She will be flying in the sky when she reads this.



Today was a chaotic day. We are doing some sping cleaning in my house... And we are giving our house a huge revamp... I really hate packing the house ...!!!! I think i must be getting lazy... Lazy Jolyn Lazy JOlyn...



And I had a chat with my sis today... Its actually seldom that we talk to each other... I sometimes just wish i was like her... haha... when i get tired of being myself... haha.. that sounds weird... but really nice to talk to her... her advice is always wise... I mean it... ok i shall go off now...

Yes today is a pretty good day... went out with my mom today . In the evening wanted to go tkd (I even brought my uniform along) but then my mum told me she wanted me to go visit my aunt at ttsh... I think also partly she dun really like me to go for tkd... she keep telling me to do something more lady like... haha!!!



I really like the environment at ttsh... i find the system is more organised than sgh... and the first impression of when i went to sgh was already pretty disorganised and dreary. Yeah and the nurses (so far) are all pretty friendly... Impressions do count you know... There must be service with a smile... haha..!!! Anyways i think its no use regretting being in sgh cause i am studk there for at least 3 to 4 years... Even in a dark and dreary place lets all try to be the bright light shining for the lives of the patients there... That is my wish... Sounds easy but i tell you its not that easy to achieve...



Anyways my aunt has unspecified pleural effusion. The doctors can't really find the reason for it... Hmmm but thank God she is still very strong. Ok I am rather tired so i will go and sleep now...

wow.. look at the kite hi in the sky.. we looking like idiots!!!... haha

me bully poor angelina... any guy want to save the damsel in distress!!!

me and angelina torturing poor nigel (look at angelina pose... so nice... haha!!!)

me and my darling angelina (my bestest pal)

tODAY I FEEL VERY HAPPY!!!! Cause the marina bay picnic and kite flying which i planned turned out to be very nice... i really prayed for it to turn out well. It was a bit hot!!!! Now i feel sun burnt ( I am really darker now)... Though I did feel a bit disappointed with someone for not coming but i feel i should be more understanding cause i was half expecting him to tell me last minute he is not coming (cause he is always like that). I understand he is tired from alot of activities but i can't feeling a bit upset.


Anyways i prepared Konnyaku jelly and sushi for this outing... My Konnyaku jelly is a bit hard cause i think I put too much jelly powder... As for the sushi I made although it was the first time I did it myself the rest of the people seemed to find it nice... I just hope it does not cause them to have a stomach ache or anything!!! I think I should practice my cooking more!!!



We were suppose to meet 10 at Marina but everyone was late... so we only left at 11... It was nice of Nigel and Matthew came though they were a bit disappointed that the someone never come... Both of them are in Wushu... I thought matthew looks a bit farnie in his hairy side burns ... haha... but he seems to like it!!! As for the rest was Angelina, Verna and Cat. I am really thankful to verna for being with me all the way. She is one of the few people I can really open my heart to... And I was also happy to see Angelina. She is really my bestest pal and I really love her... I always find her someone pretty on the inside and outside!!! As for cat happy to see her too though she was rather late...



Anyways marina is a really beautiful place for kite flying and picnic. The scenery is damn good tooo!!! We took lotsa of pictures ... i will post them up when i get them!!! And there was a lot of food!!! so happy... having a picnic and kite flying is such a simple pleasure but few ppl can appreciate!!!! Verna bought a kite and i chose the design for her... I chose a Doraemon pattern... Its soo cute... cause me and angeline like Doraemon!!!



Actually kite flying is quite an easy activity... wind is a very important necessity. I just feel so happy to see the kite in the sky!!! After that we continued to take somemore silly looking pictures.



Its a nice time to bond today... and i really enjoy their company!!! And i am really thankful for all those who though tired still came for the outing ... and for those who cannot like stephanie I know you tried... But mostly of all I like to thank Verna for being Verna!!! We both have the same character... Haha!!!

Psalm 42:1
"As the hart panteth after the water brooks,so panteth my soul after thee, O God."

Hearing this song "As the deer" makes me think of my good friend who is really giving her life to Jesus... God Bless her!!! Song for you!!! remember we used to sing in secondary school!!!

Hmmm... I wonder whether anyone saw my previous post that i wrote a very frustrated entry on wednesday morning (but i deleted it already) ... I was really very frustrated until really wish that person could disappear b4 my eyes.... But now i decided to relax and think from a broader perspective... So the pass few days have been an emotional low for me... its when we go through trials that we mature isn't it.. no matter how bleak i find my problem I find that one day we will surely emerge from it... There will be scars, bruises and bumps but it will always teach us a new lesson of life... Who does not have problems... Everyone does... sometimes i find its a punishment for men to be born as humans ( I also dun know wat i want to be ... maybe a star) but if you think on the brighter side its always interesting and fun to see how each life unravels... It sometimes depends on our attitude and decision... but there are somethings we cannot control. !!! So the most impt thing is must persevere and be think in a brighter light!!!