Hello. Now in the computer lab editing the leadership project but dun really have mood to do it... Over dose of project work today. Today we had to present our psychology project and i think i performed really badly. Suddenly I had mind block. Well blame it on me on not preparing well enough. Anyways I feel very bad. Maybe if not for me the group would have done better.



Maybe wat my father said is true. he always says I am as brainless as my mother. I really try very hard to prove it wrong but seems sometimes i can get very stupid. I know my father lost his job and is depressed, staying at home and always get drunk. But does he know when he get drunk he will say very hurtful things. Thats why I cannot get near my father. Even when he say those things I keep on telling myself that I must be more understanding and dun put it to heart. But sometimes I find it really unbearable to live with so much negative comments.


Everytime when he is at home i just dun feel like staying at home. Its even hard to start a conversation with him. I have to think twice before i say something to him. I try to ask him to exercise but he is too lazy. My mom ask him to find any simple job but he can't put down his pride. He just stays at home the whole day God knows doing wat besides folding and washing clothes...Haiz, I dun want to say anymore. Just feel very tired now. After all I think I will get struck down by lightning for saying these things but i dun give a damn...!!!



This month my father went back to China to sell off the house there. Its a time that I am really happy. I really feel at ease at home. I even like to go home early. Cause now my mom is waiting for her new job to start so she taking a short break at home. Everyday I will go home in anticipation wondering wat sort of nice food she will make... I really get happy easily.


But I can get sad easily too. I think one reason why I get sad so easily is because i like to keep everything to myself. Now even when sometimes my house there is my dad and mum quarelling I dun feel like saying anything unless there is a great need to.I seem to have gotten immune to it... Maybe i am just one selfish girl... Only caring about myself. Haiz. i dun care. Also dun want to think so much. Anyways my dad... i know he is someone that does not have ill intention. He just going through this rough patch and since I am the one still schooling and at home he just vents it on me sometimes. but i know he just says it in the slip of his tongue. The friggin problem lies with me...


Pray that God will heal this bitterness in my heart and I will happy and hopeful again... omorrow will be a better day!!!