Hello... How is everyone... its a nice and sunny day... I am here in the e plaza typing this entry... I am a bit mentally tired since I ended class at 3 but my tkd only starts at 6.30... So I went around the school with Xiao na and Hui Fen and we talked about many things... haha... after that I decided to come to the e plaza to take a short nap and slept for half an hour... haha... Since then I have been doing a bit of CMS...

I am a little dreading feeling to go tkd today... but i am only going because i promised xiao fang i would go... and its not good to break a promise... Its just that I was eliminated from the pattern team yesterday... I just feel like such a loser... Though I acted normal and was still smiling I was really sad inside... but i did not want to let Kavi or my other friends see cause i did not want them to worry about me... Yesterday when I went back home alone i suddenly started tearing... I can say I really put in effort... but seems like it is not enough...

I know god has his reason for the way he does things and I am sure he has a plan in my life... but i just feel like letting it out for a while...

Anyways i dun know wats with me these days... i find it rather hard to be happy and smile genuinely... Seems like the negative side is taking over me...

Good thing there was my darling Fiona to give me some words of advice... Sometimes you just need someone to get you to snap out of it... its really tiring to do everything yourself sometimes... Thanks to Bin jie too.. though i did not really talk to him yesterday... haha... And plese dun learn from me... or if you want to learn just learn the good points... haha

Actually by now i have sort of sorted out my feeling from last night... I will not run away from my failure and will face it... Its not how you fall down that matters but how you pick yourself up... If I run away ppl will look down on me, but if I persist on I know I will get somewhere (though i dun know where) someday... Kavi always encourages me and tells me thats he finds me a big motivation in tkd... though I dun motivate verbally but it is through my actions I guess... cause no matter wat even when I am very tired I will not complain but still persist on... I dunno whether it is a good point or not... cause i remember my sprained ankle just recovered but i still insisted on running and jumping... cause i dun want to lose out to other ppl... haha... guess thats me... when I am sad i wun want ppl to worry... when i am hurt i dun want ppl to see...

Actually i feel that I am a very weak person... I am not intelligent or anything... but I am hard working... Although there are certain things that I will take longer to learn I try my best... but its always my lack of confidence that i cannot present my best... Its sickening ... I got to work on this weakness of mine... maybe it is also my lack of inner motivation that killed my chances of getting into the pattern team...

How can I love other ppl when i dun even love myself... I pray to God that he will carry me through my journey in life, when sometimes I am tired and longing for him... And pray god for those that I care about... pray they will always be happy!!!