On this sleepless night I suddenly think back on my life... Though short I can say alot of things have happened... Although sometimes I am still timid and shy I can say I am much better now... The thing is lack is self confidence and i have very little self esteem... Someone told me b4 I always think of other ppl first... I can't help it... maybe i always put myself inferiorly to them like they deserve better treatment but i dun... Hate this point of mine... i remember when i was very young I won this perfumed beads for putting in the pencil box and i liked it alot... But my friend told me she like it... so i gave it to her even though i really liked it alot... but then i told her it is ok... thats how i am i suppose...

I am going to say something that i never really tell ppl b4... ...its not something secretive or anything... Most of my childhood was spent in China cause my father at that time was working there. I dun know how many times i had to switch school cause we were never fixed to one place... so i could never make any friends.... i was very lonely... seldom smiling or talking. Then my father and mother would quarrel every other day... so it was just me and my brother... My brother was very nice to me and would even bring me out with his friends and even on his dates... I remember there was one holiday i went back to singapore after 5 years and went to stay at my aunty's place... I really love Singapore... Ppl here dun know how lucky they are in Singapore in so many ways...12 years old was the first time i celebrated chinese new year and got red packets... I am not saying China (Bei jing ) is not good... But I really wanted a place i could call home and though i stayed there for 11 to 12 years i could never really say i felt comfortable...

Then I remember when i was in primary 6 my mother decided to bring me back to singapore(there was a big quarrel)... Though my father was quite angry but i think my mum made the right decision... and I am so happy she made it... But at that time I know I was very miserable and sad for quite some time and seldom smiled or talked. People probably thought i was dumb or wat...My mother and I stayed at my aunts place for a few months. This was a very unforgettable time of my life... I made alot of friends for the first time... My aunt owned a Christian drug rehabilitation centre called "The Hiding Place"... Down there ppl were given a second chance to turn over a new leaf... These ppl had taken a wrong step in life but there was still a tomorrow for them... then all the uncles and gor gors were nice to me . Me and my mother was given a small room to stay in... i thank god for my aunty and her kind heart cause she always bought me gifts and provided all 3 meals for us...

I was actually suppose to go for my psle that yr but since it was already mid year i went down one grade and started at mid yr of primary 5...(thats why i am 1 year older than ppl my batch but i dun like to explain)... the first time I sang my national anthem in school in primary 5 i did not even know the lyrics... I started off really badly... all my subjects except chinese and english had rock bottom low results as the syllabus was entirely different... They wanted to put me in EM3 as i was the last in the class at first but say it is worth a try putting me in EM2... I know that time another of my aunty came to teach me tuition and after that she would tell my mother that i was a hopeless case as i was very careless and everytime she would always ask me why i always make stupid mistakes... Then she would go around telling my relatives about me "The Stupid Child". After my mom found out she stopped the tuition... after that i really worked hard... I did every assessment book imaginable and went for all extra classes...But all this would not be possible if my mother was not there for me... Cause at the end of the term i came in second of my class...

For me...life really started when i was in primary 6... i dun usually think of the time b4 that cause i always felt lonely and sad... All these experiences have shaped me into wat i am today... Thank you all those ppl who unknowingly came into my life and touched it... although you all might not know wat you have done but i am very grateful for you all... and i thank singapore for giving me a second chance to have achance to fit in at feel at home... Thank you!!!

ok i am so sleepy now... gtg... haha... hope you did not find this entry boring...