Hi... now I just finish watching the show... 'Ren Wo Ao You' on channel 8... I really cannot stand one of the girls... such a hypocrite... She like the same guy as Fiona Xie then keep on wanting to snatch him away from her using underhand methods... In front of her she act like so nice but behind her she back stab her... Then she always jealous and very petty... haiz... This kind of friend I rather not have. if I was Toro I would also like Fiona Xie better... Haha... Haiz... isn't it sad... why must people be so narrow minded. But anyways i think the girl is a hypocrite cause she was brought up in that way... Her mother taught her must fight for wat ever she want no matter wat method... even if it means betraying the friendship... This makes me sad for her... Cause although she is smarter and more intelligent than Fiona Xie she is not as happy cause she is always thinking of ways to win ppl and is never satisfied... jealousy and hatred can sometimes consume a person and make the person to seem like someone different...

Last time I also had a close friend in secondary school... i thought she was genuinely nice to me so i tried to be a good friend to her... But i guess we were very different in alot of aspects... She was always hungry to get good results, be the top try to be good in everything... but i had no sense of urgency then i did things in my own time... Even when we paired up for some competition writing I never really write until i suddenly got alot of inspiration... Then I was always a very careless and clumsy person... so I think she got irritated with me... Up to know i dun understand her... I guess I never will... she seems like a nice person but she can talk bad about that person until very jia lat... like sometimes double faced... Alot of ppl told me she was talking bad about me but i did not really believe... cause we seemed to talk like normal... haha... Until one day after school in sec. 4 we were getting ready for ndp carnival and i just came back after lunch... i saw her with her back facing me talking to kavi who was towards my direction talking about me... i can't really remember wat she say but it was something like... "this jolyn... i really can't her... so irritating... everytime i talk to her i feel like slapping her..." then kavi was looking at me... then she just suddenly turn around and saw me then although she looked surprised i think she thought i never hear... i just smiled at her and went to the toilet... then when i went back and continued with the work on the carnival and me and my class mate had a bit of disagreement then i started tearing (cause i suddenly cannot control my tears of my friend back stabbing me)... then everyone thought is because of my class mate... But I just took my bag and rushed out of class room crying. The that 'friend' of mine came rushing after me and ask me wat happen and she will scold my class mate... my goodness!!! I cant believe she can be such a hypocrite and she even wanted to hug me... I just pushed her aside and just shouted at her 'Get lost... I dun need a friend like you!!!' I think she was quite shocked by my reaction. Then i know as i turned and left she was telling Kavi... 'wats my problem'... Haiz...

Maybe thats just her character... she cant control her mouth... cause i am not the only person she bad mouthed... but i am grateful i got to know about this... i dun dislike her... After that i did talk to her but maybe not as close... and i continue to be nice to her though i know she not very genuine... i guess this can be applied to the working world... we really hate working with some ppl but just for attaining a common goal we put aside personal feelings and work together... This is called professionalism i suppose... i guess god wants to put these kind of ppl in our life to make us stronger and know that in life there are definately ppl like these out there in the world... it is just inevitable... Haha... I am sure everyone has an experience like that... But dun let them get you down though it maybe be very hurting (especially if that person your close friend)... Maybe in that untruth there is some truth... I always believe in that... Then hopefully I can become a better person by reflecting... But if you believe all that the person is saying is all crap just treat it like "er bian feng"...Thank god for putting her in my life and letting me experience this...

Anyways b4 we left secondary school i told her i knew she was bad mouthing me in front of others... but we still agree to keep in contact (though we dun do that very often cause she has her own life and I have mine and we are all going very different paths in life)... anyways bless us in life journeys and may we learn and grow in life... If we never go through bad days how will we know to treasure good ones... treasure the beautiful things in life... like your good friends, family, pets, nice food... beautiful rainbows... nice scenary... nice television programmes... (haha... ok ... i shall stop her... i talking crap)

Haha... hi... today is such a slow and sianz day... I did not really study much... now alina is online and we are testing each other... but alot of the answers i dunno... Haiz... a bit scared... the exam is tomorrow... oh dear I regret sleeping during lectures... stupid. me...

I dun know what is wrong with the weather these few days... seems to be raining every day nowadays... Haha... but the weather is nice and cooling... I am reading something about Pregnancy induced hypertension... I think if I continue reading I will be the one getting hypertension... exam fever induced hypertension... hahaha... -___-"... Just now I just went out and wanted to have a nice walk around bedok reservoir ... then i go out of the house and soon after that it started drizzling... Haiz... So i shifted my routhe and walked to Sheng Siong and bought half a watermelon... maybe can eat later on... This weather is really nice and cooling and there is this cooling breeze that really clears my stuffy mind... haha...

So wat i do... haha... me when i am tired i will go around the house and start to pack the messy room and do some house work... wanted to sweep the filthy floor but i thought wash and hang and fold the clothes better since we never wash clothes for a long time... is also a way of destressing... I see my brother i dun know wat to say to him cause he look very miserable in his job... haiz... but he never tell me but i know... Around afternoon I went to bedok to pick up a cake my mother was suppose to redeem from prima Deli... is quite a big one... got quite alot of fruits on the cake... even though it was raining I walked to Bedok interchange which is quite a distance... I went the route behind my house through bedok town park... Seems like i the only person in the park when it is raining... of course i had an umbrella... so nice... haha... the little greenery we have in singapore must treasure it... and the fresh air (haha... not that fresh but better than nothing)... I was feeling so peaceful... Even as raindrop drop onto puddles on the floors and i can see the ripples it seems so amazing... such a beautiful site... i initially wanted to play on the swing... but its all wet... When I reached the road full of congestion I quickened my pace...all the cars and pollution... haiz...Then i reach bedok interchange and ate my lunch... I saw a few of the polyclinic nurses walk past me but they never see me... haha... Then when i went into prima deli and was picking the cake i bumped into my mother... SUCH A COINCIDENCE... she wanted to buy the cake since she thought i too busy with my studies or wat... Then I got a lift back home from my mothers friend... haha... Now i got a cake in my fridge... Dunno how we will be able to finish it... haha... exam time is a time to eat and grow fat and sit around just doing something to let your brain cells die...

Ok such as Fiona always say... Ganbatte!!!... to all, ok now i going to watch double Happiness... quite a nice show...

Haha... today is a nice normal day... the weather is nice... although it rained a bit during early afternoon... it got warmer towards late afternoon... and i am still mugging for the exam on friday... really got alot of things to remember...

Anyways today at least got eveline to study with me... we met at bedok and ate breakfast cum lunch... Haha... I ate nasi lemak and she ate mee pok... then after she came to my house... b4 that we bought some titbits from Sheng Siong supermarket... Anyways we tried studying starting from 11 to 4 with tiny little breaks in between... haha... she manage to finish 4 lectures... haha... better than nothing i have to say (cause she only start today)... though she said she want to finish at least half lectures by today (total 16 lectures)... Jia You to us... haha... While studying i dunno how we manage to finish the whole packet of Bin Bin crackers, a big packet of Dried Fish Fillet, a small tub of ice cream... not excluding water haha... Exam is a great time to grow fat... Doesn't everyone agree with me... My face seems to look puffier... Haha... By the time it was 4 pm... we were all cranky from all the studying and partly cause afternoon is not exactly the best time to study... rather to sleep... Haha... and Eveline kept on complaining she got head ache and feeling a bit sick... in the end she threw up a bit of melted ice cream and fish fillet (at least thats wat she told me)... Then after that she told me she hungry again... anyways she was sure distracted... one minute playing with my cat... the other minute checking her friendster and studying at the same time... Told you... girls are so multi tasked... haha

After that we met up with Jenny and her mother and had dinner together... Haha... had a nice time... then after that we went up to jenny house with rojak and almond jelly... haha... and ate and talk at the same time... We are planning to have a trip to malaysia at the end of the year... haha... dunno whether to make it a class thing or just a small group of us... Our class is not that united and i am sure most of them wun come... haha... but kinda excited to leave singapore ... at least for a few days... maybe go relax... i remember the previous we went in a small group to my friends aunts kelong to stay then it was so nice... just looking at the ocean... so peaceful yet so many uncertainties especially at night... i cant even see anything as it was as dark as ebony and sort of make me fearful at wat is really out there... If I ever pass away one day i hope my ashes will go into the ocean... (hope it wun cause too much pollution)... I dun want my ashes to be kept in some urn... If I really go forget me... I dun want ppl to be upset... haha... I know is easier said then done and I have no idea why i writing about this topic...

Haha... now is raining heavily... I just love rainy nights... However a bit worried about my brother since he never come back... but i think he old enough to take care of himself... No matter how unsatisfied i am with my revision or life i will still will not give up... I CAN DO IT!!! and I aspire to be a great nurse that will bring hope to ppl... so i must first start with myself... Ok gtg... Bye!!!

Haha... ok... today I spent the day hitting the books( not books actually rather more like notes and lectures)... trying to get to know it inside out... can't say i did much... haha... but rather satisfied... did some past year questions... And I am listening to my Liang jing Ru CD... Really love her songs... Even my sister said her songs are nice... Ok tomorrow I might be going out to study with Eveline since she told me she never study yet as she cant find her lecture notes... Well as a good friend i must help her... besides its boring at home... though i personally find it better to study at home but i believe i have enough discipline (most of the time) when studying with friends... Then we going to eat breakfast together... then she want to photocopy ALL MY NOTES... I certainly hope she can make it... This module I started last week but its so facty and got so many things to remember then she actually start studying 2 days b4... LETS sTUDy HARD TOGETHER!!! Tomorrow evening i am going over to Jenny house to eat dinner... Haha... nicer to eat together with a group of ppl... so nice... she know i always eat alone at home then she said her house is always open for me to enter... (provided i tell her b4 hand)... Even her mother is nice... and I can get along with her sister very well... we both want to become old spinsters, we both like Ou De Yang and both play playstation... Although she is older than me 5 years i can get along with her Jenny's sister very well... But she said I am still young maybe I might change my mind as i grow older... Haha... but for the time being i am happy the way I am... wun look so far...

Ok now i am watching Holland Village... Haha... watching dramas couples quarelling sometimes make me feel that there is a really vast difference between the way men and women think... I think males are such simple creatures but women can make something simple seem very complicated... So I think we will never fully understand what the other gender is thinking unless we are really in there shoes... But sometimes I think is good to compromise... then there will be more harmony...

Ok... well nothing much to write since nothing much happen today... Happy to spread all these nice clips around... Good things should be shared... but off course not everything can be shared ... haha

Haha... just now i was feeling kind of stressed while studying my Maternal and Infant Care... Really got alot to study... Haiz... so I decided to rest and saw this cute egg song.... IS SO CUTE... and it made me happy... Hope to share this really funny clip with you all...

http://www.iloveegg.com/winopen_ani/eggsong.htm

and another clip which i find very inspiring and meaningful...

www.theinterviewwithgod.com

click on "view presentation"

Haha... hope you guys enjoy it...

Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You have White Wings! Pure and innocent, your
kindness attracts other people toward you. You
can be shy and quite, but when others know you
better, they realize you are fun and bubbly.
You hate it when other around you are sad, and
always see the good in everyone and everything.
Chances are you either help in the shelter, or
are a tutor in school. You are very kind and
friendly, but also quite nave. Dont be fooled
by looks. Some things do go bump in the night.

What Color are your wings?(Mainly for Girls)Beautiful Pix!
brought to you by Quizilla

Your aura shines Yellow!

What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Qiuzilla

If you wake up in the morning,
And the hurting is so great,
You don't want to get out of bed
And face a world of hate.

If everything in life goes wrong
And nothing you do seems right,
You just try a little harder
And soon you'll you see the light.

For every person who has put you down
And filled your life with pain,
You must strive to achieve greatness
And show you can win.

For every disapointment,
For the times you are let down,
There will be a better moment
And your life will turn around.

Because everyone feels heartache
And everyone feels pain,
But only those who have true courage
Can get up and try again.

(By Teal Henderson from "Chicken soup for the Teenage Soul on Tough Stuff")

Hello... I am now in Fiona house writing this blog... haha... listening to Liang Jing Ru song... Then fiona is lying on the floor slacking her time away... Oh dear next week is her exams ( but next week is mine too!!!) Haha!!!

Last night we tried drinking strawberry wine... haha... it was a disaster... IT TASTE HORRIBLE!!!... I dun understand why ppl like to drink drink and appreciate wine... Its so bitter... And i have a better tolerance of liquor then fiona... she only drank a bit then her face started gettting red... then she told me she felt her face getting very warm... but mine was not red at all although i drankmore than her... we drank the wine with loads of ice cream... Haha... wat can i say.... The ICE CREAM was nice.... haha!!! So this is the last time i drink wine... Fiona sister also drank it and she did not like it either...

Oh then i think i slept a good 10 hours last night... It was so cold... the air con... then now my nose feels a bit stuffy... Later me and fiona going down stairs to eat our lunch... Haha... we are still discussing wat to eat... and she passed to me the handphone chain she bought for me... is very nice... I feel so touched...

I feel a bit sad cause on the day i got class bbq i have attachment until 9 pm... but verna said she will wait for me and she staying overnight... I feel so touched... then we can watch the sun rise together... And pray to god to make me a stronger person... I am still growing... haha...

So happy... today is my last day of attachment... Me meeting Fiona at woodlands and I am in woodlands library using the computer... haha... I even have strawberry wine in my bag and we going to eat sakae sushi later on... Hmmm... I feel a happy yet sad about the end of my attachment... happy cause i not going back to the ward again... a bit sad cause just now when my teacher giving me back my clinical diary that time she had a talk with me (b4 Alina came in)... She said i got alot of potential and i know my stuff really well but i have to be more confident... then she said she believes i can be a very good staff nurse but i can be an even better if i overcome this weakness of mine... haha... i always got this problem... ppl believe in me but i dun really believe in myself... I will try to change... but i need some time... then she said if anything happen to me at home??? cause she took me almost 3 times for clinical attachment and she realised i have changed slightly... but i dun really know how to reply her...

Haha... anyways thank her for guiding me... She said she really enjoy teaching me and Alina in Ward 63... and we are good students... =)... Ok gtg to meet fiona...

If I manage to pass this course and become a staff nurse pray that i will guide my juniors and student nurses and make them feel welcome when they come to the ward, I CAN DO IT...

Haiz... today I dun enjoy working at all... I finally know what the ITE student meant when she said that everyday after work she would feel like she wanted to cry... Cause i feel the same way too... Furthermore she was in this ward for 5 weeks... I only here for 2 weeks... And I just learnt that you should not judge a book by its covers... sometimes the person that seems to treat you nice are not actually that nice... they could just stab you in the back or be the one talking behind your back... Haha... I feel like such a useless and hopeless nut case for being vulnerable to all these things... Haiz... but i find this world so bitter sometimes... but i guess i have to grow in it... No one said is easy right...Haha... Anyways i pray to God to give me the strength to face each new day... must be strong... but I am actually not as strong as i think i think... haha... dunno wat else to write already... maybe I just feel sort of lifeless from the start of the day thats why dun perform as well... haha... well hope tomorrow will be a happier day... and i will be a happier person tomorrow...

One of my patients told me she find me looking very happy, enthusiastic and give ppl a refreshed feeling... haha... i was quite shocked cause i was really tired just now...so even when i am tired i can make ppl happy... Then i told her my smile is not in the optimal condition today then she said never mind ... as long as the patients see me smile they feel more relieved already... I am actually quite shocked she said that to me cause she was quite a difficult patient to attend to and she always like to complain about almost anything... but she told me that... I think she is actually quite a nice person but she has a sharp tongue... Tomorrow I am working afternoon shift... There is this indian staff nurse in the same shift as me tomorrow... i really like her... from the first time i saw her i knew she was a nice person... and although i dun really talk to her she give me a very reassuring feeling... so happie... anyways i know she is a good nurse cause she has the green tag... only those nurses who get compliments from patients get green tags...
Anyways today i met senior staff nurse irene (ward 64) when i was in 7-11 and i was so happie to see her... She told me she hope one day will work with me again... I just love ward 64... we are like family... i will always remember my time in ward 64... she told me although is very busy in my ward now but i will learn alot of things which is true also... haha...
Haha... ok gtg now and study...

Haha... today is my 6 out of 10th day of work... 4 more days left... I am listening to the song by Cai Chun Jia called "Pei Ni Kan Ri Chu"... me and my friend Verna already planned for the class bbq we will stay overnight... she will bring a tent and i bring my sleeping bag... then we will sleep under the stars... (as if singapore got alot of stars... haha)... Then we will watch the sunrise together... so excited...Then I will be able to see my old secondary school friends... Isn't it nice to watch the sunrise with someone you like... haha... Dun misunderstand there are sorts of different types of love and my love for verna is sisterly... muhahaah... But if one day i watched the sunrise with someone i really love I will be very happy... but i dun know if that will ever happen... haha... I think alot of ppl cannot wake up early in the morning...

So happy verna wrote me a testimonial... is very touching... haha... ok ( i am rather emotional today)... One day when i have the inspiration I will write you a long touching one...
FIONA!!!... why you never write me testimonial!!! I already nag at you for so long you still wun write me a testimonial!!! oK suddenly lost mood to write... (told you i a bit emotional today)

One week has gone... Haha... so sorry for not updating my blog... Just been too busy with work and my assignment and studies.. (although also have not much time to study much)... Tomorrow is morning shift... In Ward 63C C class medical... I am not really enjoying myself to this ward... Although i have been to quite a few wards this ward never fails to make me feel unwelcome... I feel this great reluctance to get out of bed everyday to work... Even whe i ask questions they give me a very pathetic look like as if asking why i am so stupid and make me seem like i am very irritating... At first i thought it was my fault then i made friend with some ITE students then one of them in the same room as me me said the first week she felt the same and cry when she went home... but she was in this ward for 6 weeks already... so she just had to get used to it... Next week she going to IMH already... Haiz... quite sad as I am the only student nurse in the room... I really thank God for putting her in my life... cause she really give me alot of reassurance and even taught me quite a few things... But i did not have the chance to thank her and wish her good bye as it was very busy that day... Must try to get get her number...

I cannot deny this experiences make me less enthusiastic to learn....One more dreaded week... But i will not give up bringing joy to my patients... Must give them mental diabetes... haha...
Hope I learn lots of things tomorrow... Hopefully the lecturer is there with us... she never fails to give me a very reassuring feeling... She said me and Alina are good students and we can surely make it... Haha... but she say we do things a bit slow but practice makes perfect... Slow and steady wins the race... Haha... Thank Mdm Wong for guiding us and giving us so much encouragement...

My mom just came back from work... Haha... luckily i got do all the house work she tell me to do since i am home the whole day today... Must make life easier for her... Haha,... now she complaining to me about the paper work... But its never asy to work and earn money... but so easy to spend... haha... Ok I got lots more to write but i feeling sleepy already... Tomorrow have to wake up 4.30... so cannot be a panda... Luckily me and alina the same shift tomorrow but different rooms... Yippee... Hope she will be strong... I know she not having a easy time there either... Me and Alina plan to go China town to celebrate after work on friday... maybe calling jiang yan and ai fang and maybe even eveline... See how first... haha... Then can eat to our hearts content... Haha!!! God bless the week ahead!!!

Hello... hey today I have my psycho test... I almost went through it once already... but once is not enough i suppose ... must try harder... I can do it...

Yesterday I was very busy studying, then when i was tired i went online and talked to bin mei... haha... nice to talk to him... He told me instead of calling myself a sweet spinster why not call myself sweet bachelorette (actually sounds better, doesn't it)...haha... then i chanced upon fiona's blog and there was one sentence that her teacher told her that really touched me deeply too...

"u noe, there are ppl who feel very sad when they have to stay in the hosp while others are at home together... and they will yearn to do simple things in life, like going to the beach and see sun rise... but they can't accomplish it. den they will also have a picture in their house that is not yet finished...." (from fiona's blog told to her by her teacher)...

I guess in a few words it made me come to terms... I am starting to get scared about going attachment cause i always get alot of scolding and face the real world out there... Though I dun verbalise and show myself in a very strong way. cause the previous attachment i met quite alot of nasty staff but at the same time some nice ones... But all this did not seem important anymore... What is my motive for being a nurse... I will not give up even if ppl put me down... There are ppl (patients) who are struggling to live in the hospiatl and i really want to give them some hope... some warmth... some care... Although I am small my friend said I am "small in size but big in heart" ... I shall dedicate my life to bringing hope to my patients... Lord please make me a good nurse... cause i feel truly happy when helping ppl... I have a reason why i came to this course and please help me achieve it to my last breath... I am sure Fiona can do it too... cause i know you know the true feeling of staying in the hospital and facing death... for me i can only imagine... Pray that we 2 future nurses will not be too distracted by external factors press on to our goal... God Bless!!!

And from her teacher said to her it also told me to enjoy life to the last moment... I love simple things... I love simple moments with ppl, myself and the environemnt... I love rainbows, playing in the rain, sunrise, looking at stars... If you ask me to pick if i were to be the sun, moon or star... I would be a little bright shining star... cause ppl always make a wish when they see stars... Better more if i am a shooting star... some ppl believe if a couple see a shooting star they will be together for a long time... Then i can be the shooting star that brings ppl together... But then again... a star is small compared to the moon... sometimes i can choose to hide and come out when i feel like it... and although i am small i can make a vast significance in someones life (though not to everyone)... I think someone told me a story about the starfish story... it does not matter if i can't help everyone, at least i made a difference to one... I guess thats me, i dun appeal to the mass but if you know me personally you will know me better...

Fiona wants to be the moon, shining in a person's darkest moment... I think alot of ppl want to be the sun with alot of impact... Haha... i dunno why i am saying this... it just suddenly popped in my head...

Anyways I am here in the e plaza now listeningto music and typing this blog... going to go back studying soon... wish me luck in my test... later might be going ktv... and tonight got tkd... Fiona, if i see him i will tell him... that is if i see him...

Today is the last time for this sememster i came to school with kavi... my good friend... haha... Thanks for all your support all this time i have to say and i will willingly sacrifice my beauty sleep for you... the same goes for verna... i never forget you (and I watched singapore idol as you told me)... we should go out one day.,,, Hope when you come back from attachment next week to go back school you and kavi wun miss me too much... I have to say for Verna and me our friendship has really progressed although much more in poly.... as for kavi, (the poet prince) i would have to say i really enjoy sparring with you (haha... i won him in arm wrestling in sec 3)... My poly friends think he is my boyfriend or something but the thing is that we are too much of friends to be that kind of relationship... haha... cause i guess we know each other too well or something...and the idea of having that sort of relationship is plain weird... i just can't stop laughing when i think about it... (no offence, kavi) But i suppose the girl he likes and is one lucky girl... haha.. hopefully dun bully him so much...

haha... and one more thing... if someone happens to grab you by the wrist dun struggle so much... just try to pull the little finger as it has the least strength(pull it back totally)... Its damn painful... I tried it on kavi...then in thurn the other finger will relax... then you can get away... but off course maybe do a few kicks to that person b4 leaving...

Haha... ok got to go now... haha

I had actually wanted to study my psychology but I am so distracted by my dear Alina... Haha...So scared I only study about half of it... How... Dun worry breath in breath out... haha...Recently feel quite stressed over little things. maybe recently i have less and less confidence in wat i do... cannot be like this right ... must regain my calm and coolness (if I have it)... Anyways Alina has finished studied... haha... feel so happy for her but then i think I better buck up...

Just now had a talk with Zhang Jin... Haha... thank her for sort of feeding me with her words of wisdom... cause was feeling a bit confused just now... Anyways suddenly got no mood to write already... bye...

Hello... today I came to school early with Kavi... reached school around 10... This morning i feel so sleepy... I did not drink coffee... I drank tea but i think should be quite effective... haha... cause i dunno after this week if there is any more chances to go to school with Kavi this sememster... Anyways we had a nice talk and he told me he thought i did well for my sparring although my friend said i look like a chicken cannot fly... Haha... i wish sir suresh had commented on it... or i dunno whether he was busy vomiting blood...

Hmmm... Fionat, let me tell you something that my indian friend of mine told me ... you are nice and chirpy and everything... but he said something which i agree very much with... Sometimes you keep on harping and joking until very li hai until the other party will get irritated and in turn will start to ignore you... but it is not your fault actually so the irritation just accumalates in them and one day they will just ignore you completely or just scream there heads of one day... i dunno how to say this to you cause you are such a sweet girl and it is actually no fault of your own... Although you are my good friend sometimes i feel like getting away from you... Maybe a bit too overwhelming for me... I think you have this problem of ppl siaming you... cause you got tell me b4... I hope i never hurt your feeling... Fiona... you are someone very important to me.. so i want to be honest with you... cause you are actually my best friend... but then best friends will love and hate each other sometimes...

Ok... haha... i feeling pretty sleepy and blur now... Haiz... i hate being blur... i just feel so stupid... maybe i am (oh no... dun let negative thoughts come into my head)... I just hate it when ppl keep on harping that i am blur... cause it is as if i dun know myself... i dun need other ppl to laugh at it and bring me down... I feeling quite anxious now... cause i always so lazy to practice my pattern and have to do it again for tkd...

Just now me and kavi tried sparring... and i actually kicked him using the turning kick... he said my kick was very li hai... Haha... so farnie... i remember in sec. school i won him in arm wrestling... i wonder if i did it with him now would i still win him...

Ok now i waiting for jacqueline so we can discuss about the chalet thing... actually we sharing only to cut course... haha... but we seem to be having problems with who to invite... haha... cause its 2 different set of friends... haha... having it with her is so good... cause she is a good planner... and everything is budget budget for her... can save money like this...

Ok i think i better get back to my work... haha... need to study for psycho test on friday... haha... oh dear ... time passes so fast... i am growing old.. next week i am going for attachment... i am quite excited... though i am not smart i want to touch the hearts of my patients...

Yesterday on the way home my freind saw her sister of the ward from TTSH... I was very impressed with the sister cause she was so friendly... haha... my friend said as friendly as me cause i also like to smile alot...haha... but i told her my skills not very good... so i think i make a lousy nurse... but she said i will think of the patient first and will emphasize with the pain they are going through and offer words of encouragement and hold there hand when they are going through painful procedures , maybe is wat the patient need... haiz... wat else can i do... that is the least i can do... i hope i can be like that sister... smiling and so friendly and willing to help ppl... i think all the patients must love her... i think some of the nurses in my hospital are very task orientated and treat the patients like mannequins as if they cannot feel...

Anyways Fiona is having her test on N.G tubing ... hope you do well... I am pretty sure you can do it... you are a very intelligent girl... and hope you will will be successful in being with the one you loves... and this in turn will add on to your happiness... Hope you really find someone that deserves you...

Ok got to go...

Hello... I am now in the e plaza listening to FIR CD and writing my blog at the same time... It is not my CD. It is some burned cd that someone left in the computer lab so I just listen... The songs are quite nice... Haha... Now we have a 2 hour break from 12 to 2... Later we have lectures from 2 to 5... Haha... Hope I dun sleep... No money to buy coffee today... I really never bring any money out ... Haha... Later we have June Mak lesson which is so boring... She can take 15 minutes to explain one slide and her lessons are always very boring...I told myself must go home early today and Watch the last episode of the channel 8 show on 7 pm... cause i seldom watch but i think have to watch at least the last episode... Its a nice show I think... Haha...

I think I can roughly guess where Fiona is now... she is probably in South Canteen eating her lunch there again... Haha,... Who knows why??? Yesterday i told her i feel like eating chili crab then she said why not eat during her birthday... Then she wantd to call one of my black belt seniors along... Haha.. wun that be awkward... cause i dun really know him that well... And i am so happy she bought me a handphone hanging thing.. thatis so sweet for her... at least she remember me as a lao gong... Haha... This december me and jacqueline might be setting a chalet for our birthday cause our birthday is one day apart... haha...then can share cost... Haha... actually we getting the chalet cost cheaper cost jacq using her link points... haha... she is such a nice girl but i cannot say in front of her or else she will fly to the clouds... Ok must start saving money now... haha... I will invite only my good friends cause have to budget unless they are willing to bring some food or help out with the cooking or cleaning... Hoo Hooo... Maybe ask my brother go and make all the food...

Seems like alot of ppl have there birthdays on October including my dear mother... For all those born in this year hope you will have a better year ahead and will always be happy.... and look to the coming year with renewed strength and enthusiasm... Dun look back if it is pulling you down... Haha... thats wat i have to say...

Anyways this morning was like a morning rush in my house... Everyone fighting for the toilet... Cause me, my brother and I all wake up at the same time... But in the end i saw them rushing for the toilet so i went back to sleep... Haha... and woke up a bit late... Anyways I am very happy for my mother... she got a new job selling bras... haha... then she can get discount when she want to buy... so she bought 2 pairs for me... and i am wearing one of them now although it is a bit bigger than my normal size... Haha... I know is funny to write about this but i am really happy... Haha... And i was listening to this song... by Cai Chun Jia
called "pei ni kan ri chu"... haha... cause i really like to see the sun rise... though it is very early in the morning and you will feel groggy...

And i was suppose to meet Kavi but he overslept and ask me to go on without him... haha.. the trip to school was boring with no one to talk to ... So i dozed off... My first lesson was clinical... we all had consolidation for our clinical and were using context based learning... which is they give you case scenarios and you suppose to know wat is wrong with the patient and do assessment and apply suitable nursing interventions... It sort of links all the Bio, Nursing science and clinical skills that u suppse to know in the ward... Cause in the scenario they have a certain type of disease then you will want to know wat is it how and how to handle it... rahter than learning lecture after lecture but dun really know how to apply knowledge... Haha... You sort of feel hungry to learn by using this method... Haha...

And i wish all those ppl having exams and exams this week good luck... haha...

Anyways yesterdAY after along time I finally sms JL... Haha.. I never talk to him for a long time and he told me he miss me... i was hoping he forget about me... i thought it has been enough time almost 10 months since i last talked to him... But apparently he still remember me... .. the miss little happy ... haha... i remember last time me, kavi roslinda and him used to come to school very early and meet up ... haha... then it was so fun... but no one knows why i always come so early ... i always come early to see someone else... haha... anyways its all history... I suddenly got no mood to write... I might be going to watch the show "White Chicks" or "Resident Evi"l on wednesday... still deciding... haha... but want to save money... haha... but i think once in a while can spend... haha... but just i have the habit of saving money...

And fiona promise me one day she will go science centre or national museum with me... these are my favorite places... haha.. cause i like looking at al the exhibits... call me childish but last time i used to go at least a couple of times a year... haha... Ok bye... I go off now... Wish me luck and pray i dun sleep for the lectures later on...

On this sleepless night I suddenly think back on my life... Though short I can say alot of things have happened... Although sometimes I am still timid and shy I can say I am much better now... The thing is lack is self confidence and i have very little self esteem... Someone told me b4 I always think of other ppl first... I can't help it... maybe i always put myself inferiorly to them like they deserve better treatment but i dun... Hate this point of mine... i remember when i was very young I won this perfumed beads for putting in the pencil box and i liked it alot... But my friend told me she like it... so i gave it to her even though i really liked it alot... but then i told her it is ok... thats how i am i suppose...

I am going to say something that i never really tell ppl b4... ...its not something secretive or anything... Most of my childhood was spent in China cause my father at that time was working there. I dun know how many times i had to switch school cause we were never fixed to one place... so i could never make any friends.... i was very lonely... seldom smiling or talking. Then my father and mother would quarrel every other day... so it was just me and my brother... My brother was very nice to me and would even bring me out with his friends and even on his dates... I remember there was one holiday i went back to singapore after 5 years and went to stay at my aunty's place... I really love Singapore... Ppl here dun know how lucky they are in Singapore in so many ways...12 years old was the first time i celebrated chinese new year and got red packets... I am not saying China (Bei jing ) is not good... But I really wanted a place i could call home and though i stayed there for 11 to 12 years i could never really say i felt comfortable...

Then I remember when i was in primary 6 my mother decided to bring me back to singapore(there was a big quarrel)... Though my father was quite angry but i think my mum made the right decision... and I am so happy she made it... But at that time I know I was very miserable and sad for quite some time and seldom smiled or talked. People probably thought i was dumb or wat...My mother and I stayed at my aunts place for a few months. This was a very unforgettable time of my life... I made alot of friends for the first time... My aunt owned a Christian drug rehabilitation centre called "The Hiding Place"... Down there ppl were given a second chance to turn over a new leaf... These ppl had taken a wrong step in life but there was still a tomorrow for them... then all the uncles and gor gors were nice to me . Me and my mother was given a small room to stay in... i thank god for my aunty and her kind heart cause she always bought me gifts and provided all 3 meals for us...

I was actually suppose to go for my psle that yr but since it was already mid year i went down one grade and started at mid yr of primary 5...(thats why i am 1 year older than ppl my batch but i dun like to explain)... the first time I sang my national anthem in school in primary 5 i did not even know the lyrics... I started off really badly... all my subjects except chinese and english had rock bottom low results as the syllabus was entirely different... They wanted to put me in EM3 as i was the last in the class at first but say it is worth a try putting me in EM2... I know that time another of my aunty came to teach me tuition and after that she would tell my mother that i was a hopeless case as i was very careless and everytime she would always ask me why i always make stupid mistakes... Then she would go around telling my relatives about me "The Stupid Child". After my mom found out she stopped the tuition... after that i really worked hard... I did every assessment book imaginable and went for all extra classes...But all this would not be possible if my mother was not there for me... Cause at the end of the term i came in second of my class...

For me...life really started when i was in primary 6... i dun usually think of the time b4 that cause i always felt lonely and sad... All these experiences have shaped me into wat i am today... Thank you all those ppl who unknowingly came into my life and touched it... although you all might not know wat you have done but i am very grateful for you all... and i thank singapore for giving me a second chance to have achance to fit in at feel at home... Thank you!!!

ok i am so sleepy now... gtg... haha... hope you did not find this entry boring...

Hello today was basicly a moody day... i did not even have mood to eat dinner... in the end when my bunch of friends went to Mac to eat I did not buy anything... just stole some fries from Jacqueline.

Taekwondo was fun today... I came at 8.15 cause i have stupid night classes but i saw fiona there... She and i planned to go out for supper after my tkd... I saw her with her group of jmd friends and she waited for my tkd to end... that is so sweet... Anyways today i dun think I can kick very well cause i having some stomach cramping and i never really stretch properly so i felt pretty stiff... My pattern was quite a disaster... My kicking went all haywire... haha... But one of my seniors told me my pattern would be very nice and perfect if i was not so gently (which is use more force)... and my kicking really need to control... haha...

After that we did sparring which is fighting with an opponent... me and xiao fang were partners... haha... i got a bit irritated cause she kept on telling me she dun know how to kick and very scared and told me to shou xia liu qing to her... In the end she was quite good... So I wun be soft on her ither but the today was not my full potential cause i not feeling in the best of health today... i just gave it my best shot and continuously tried to kick her... She did the same too... So we were tie tie I think... The funny thing is that both of us could not see properly as we had to take off our spectacles... so we just anyhow kick... but in the end it turned out well... Kavi said i was quite impressive and Fiona said when I kick my hands start flapping and i like to hop around... well... every fighter has his or her own way of fighting i suppose...

After that me and Fiona went to S11 to eat... i ate my dinner... Hokkien mee (i know very unhealthy) ... once in a while is ok... she treated me to ice lemon tea... Its funny... My friend got tell me I have the abilty to read ppl mind sometimes... And i told fiona i got a feeling I know who she like ( and i stared deep into her eyes) but she just smile at me... so i just switched topic... In the end she told me I had guessed correctly... Perhaps it is a sixth sense or an instinct... well... wish her all the best...

Then on the bus we were discussing one day we go out and buy dresses... haha... cause i dun have any... Maybe it will be nice to wear a dress once in a while. One of my friends told me i should go and doll myself up instead looking like a tomboy every day... haha... but me and fiona agreed i am better compared to last time... last time I was even more rough...

And I am so happy... Kavi told me I am quite pretty and sweet and cheerful and cute... haha... thats very flattering... cause no one ever said i am pretty b4 (maybe he a bit pressurised by me to say that... muhahaha). he says there are ppl who said that to me in sec. sch. but i cant remember... haha... I am flying in the clouds by the compliment ( will start flapping my hands but i cant seem to fly). i should have gotten a tape recorder to record down wat he says... Haiz....

Anyways sleepy now so i shall go and sleep...

I am feeling so sianz and restless and moody and cranky today... haha... and I later got mock grading for tkd... How... like no mood to do... haha... this is not common from me... just like no energy today... God give me strength.... No mood to write also... Haiz... so sad...

All my friends ask me why I look so tired and moody today cause i one minute okok mood then the next second i am irritated... must be fluctuating hormone levels... Sorry... all those ppl that had to tolerate me... I hat myself like that but then again... very hard to control how i feel... Haiz... Ok Bye...