Hello... actually today was supposed to donate blood... But seems like they did not let me after a blood test... they said my iron level is too low... and i have iron deficiency and gave me iron tablets... I think they scared i will faint... A bit sad... i like donating blood cause like can help other ppl... but now it seems i am so helpless... Maybe I have not been eating well these few weeks... and furthermore I am bleeding PV (haha...). Maybe thats why I am feeling so weak and tired recently and have short concentration span... After that Fiona treated me to a very nice Fried rice fried in egg omelette from the south canteen... and i ate ching tang... haha... actually not suppose to take cold things but i kind of forgot... Why she go south canteen ... (winks eyes) Only she knows... and I ask her to lend me her Liang Jing Ru cd... cause i think the songs are quite nice... haha... And I am happy Fiona has sort of sorted out her feeling for that ____ cause I know she was sort of confused a few weeks ago... But glad she is slightly better now... And i think Fiona actually has a very charming character... haha... and i think she is becoming prettier and prettier as time goes by... really... I am not bluffing...

Anyways now i am in quite a sianz mood... Haiz... this morning coming to class was a killer... I was quite tired... Good thing I had Ou de Yang to accompany me along the long and boring journey to school... anyways i was most sleeping for most of the journey... and I dunno why ... recently like always cannot get the double decker bus... haiz... i dun like single deck cause have to stand up for almost half the journey... and no Kavi and Verna to accompany me today... Kavi... my beloved neighbour... haha... and verna... my close friend ... we same class from Sec. 1 to Sec. 4... i really love her presence and I love her as a friend... haha... Well ... she is out for attachment these 2 weeks... when she comes back I will be having my attachment... Haha,,, like not fated at all... i really like the times we will talk and laugh in the bus... and walk the pathway from amk interchange to school and we comment about the fork stuck in the tree... and then i will start singing until really loud... dun care about the ppl around us ... then you all will join me... haha...is such a nice feeling... cause i enjoy every moment with you all from the bottom of my heart... ok ... I think I will go back to my work... haha...

Today is a Saturday... I never do much... started off the day by slacking... never get to slack for such a long time so when I can slack I must enjoy every minute of it... haha.... Actually never eat or sleep well for the whole of this week... Cause of the immense stress and trials I had to overcome this week... But I thank God cause he wants to mould me into a strong person... Just like a diamond that is sooo strong cause it has undergone many trials and tests of time... Whatever it is , I believe time will tell.... I believe watever it is we have to enjoy wat we are doing... cause you never know when you will go off to whereever we suppose to go to...

I can't believe it... I slept for 12 hours last night... I have never slept for such a long period in such along time... I had a really horrible dream that my mother passed away... and my whole father and my sister did not care... In my heart maybe i am scared that will happen... cause i think my mother is not given the respect she ought to get... just because she was once a house wife... (thats why i never want to be one, maybe not get married too). Haha... then i remember in my dream everytime b4 eating i would talk to my mother's photo and tell her how much i miss her and how i wish i could be with her... then i think i cried during my sleep... i remember i got dream of other things but can't remember the content... When i woke up I just groggily went to check whether my mother was alive... haha... sometimes you can't differentiate truth from fantasy.

My mom made lunch for me... Salad... with lots of vegetables and even prawns... haha... and fruits... and a bit of home made mayonaise (my mother make one). Is nice to have some one to cook and care for you... cause i know the feeling of going home all alone and having to make all meals for yourself and all alone at home... Last time i used to be scared of the dark, but always being alone at home I not scared anymore... sometimes i imagine things or sense things but i know God will protect me in his loving hands... therefore i will not fear...

Am now listening to the Final Fantasy 8 song, "Eyes on me"... Haha... remember in sec. 2 or 3 i used to go to Fiona house every saturday... revise our school work (although we different school) then watch some japanese anime at the same time... remember Sakura - Card captor (i still have your comic... haha). Then she lent me her Final Fantasy 8 cd... haha... Up to now i still never finish playing FF8... and i remember my maths was better than yours... haha... but your chinese is superb... then i think we both sucky in science... but i know you took bio and like it... (I only take physics and chemistry). Then my literature was favorite.,... haha... cause i can always feel for the ppl in the poems or prose or text and can express exactly how they feel in words... haha... Those were my favorite days... when you staying nearby... and you taught me how to play badminton... Then i was super stiff... then I did arm wrestling with your sister and i won... haha (now my skills not so good already)... Those are nice memories... I wil keep them to the day of my death (hopefully I dun get dementia and forget everything)...

Anyways now I am here typing my blog. I am listening to this Fruit Basket song... Oh dear... Fruit Basket reminds me of something... Hahaha... Ok i shall try to forget it... anyways Fiona keep on pestering me to buy her Fruit basket for her b.d... i think i will just give her basket with lots of fruit inside... I really love the comic... the main character is really strong and i like her character... although she live alone she goes on with this will of life ... although she is not smart or bright and rather slow she make true friends along the way cause of her lovable character... haha... and she is cute... haha (actually who in jap. anime is not cute)... and got alot of guys like her...(this trait i dun have... haha).

Today I went to my father association... then we celebrated mid autumn festival... haha... ate bbq (which is not healthy cause got so much carcinogenic food cause of the way it is cooked... right over fire)... They did not even put anti carcinogenic agents like cucumber... I should tell them next time...and i saw ppl playing with lanterns and we ate moon cakes and drank tea... actually they are not the ppl i want to spend my time with so sort of not as interesting... And my brother forced me to drink wine.... My good ness it is so bitter... Wat is there to appreciate about wine...


And after that he asked me to drink glass of spirit... which is i think gin or wat... wow, that was strong, even though i put a bit of sprite inside... after that i felt so dazed a quite disorientated... haha... The thing i drank was really very strong.... good thing i got good tolerance... my sister said she vomited after drinking half a cup last time... Haha... anyways i think it is an experience... and they taught me some hand game.. she say next time at least i know how to play and wun get cheated into drinking if the occasion arises... haha... cause i think maybe she telling me this from her own experience (muhahaha... so evil of me to think of that) . Then after that we play a game in which we suppose to guess a chinese character... well i not good in that... haha... but my sister is... her chinese is like A1 calibre...

Overall today was a fun day... haha... although now my head a bit throbbing... hopefully i did not start talking nonsense to the ppl around me... no lah... i wun... i am soooo sensible...

Oh and I am pretty irritated... my friend told me I am a tomboy... but i got wear skirts... somemore they are sweet short even pink mini skirts... maybe is the way i talk or sometimes act... got someone tell me i will scare away the boys... haha... lets just say i am more active and sporty... yeah thats it... ok i think i manage to console myself... haha... ok... my brain feeling a bit tired now... good night...

亲爱的朋友们。。。 谢谢你给我的支持，在我低潮的时候陪伴我，安慰我，鼓励我。我好开心上帝给我你们。。。好像我的守护天使。我希望你们永远开心，快乐。。。况且能找到你们拥有的幸福。。。 我又一首歌献给你们。。。不是新歌可是很有意义。。。


《在我生命中的每一天-苏慧伦,成龙》

看时光飞逝　我祈祷明天 每个小小梦想能够慢慢实现
我是如此平凡却又如此幸运 我要说声谢谢你　在我生命中的每一天

看时光飞逝　我回首从前 曾经是莽撞少年　曾经度日如年
我是如此平凡却又如此幸运 我要说声谢谢你　在我生命中的每一天

让我将生命中最闪亮的那一段与你分享
让我用生命中最嘹亮的歌声来陪伴你
让我将心中最温柔的部分给你 在你最需要朋友的时候
让我真心真意对你在每一天
让我真心真意对你在每一天

Dark but Grateful!!!

Today was a very tiring day... I have never been so tired as today... Maybe cause I have not sleeping well the pass few days... Been busy with tests, practicals and projects... Just sooooo tired... Yesterday I had tkd and I was so dead tired... not normal from my usual energetic self... I really did not want to go but I pushed myself... Even in spite of this everyone said i look quite energetic (which is only from my appearance ) outside I looked ok but inside i was dying...Maybe that is how I am in real life... I dun really show how i feeling sometimes... I might be really hurt but ppl wun know cause i continue to seem to be happy... Anyways i really want to talk about wat happened to me today... but i am damn tired... so drained out... just want to tell my dear friend verna... this morning when i was very stresed and when you were telling me those stories to try to comfort me i was not irritated, in fact i felt more consoled... Thank you for praying for me too... Tell you the truth I was feeling sooo distressed and in despair i really wanted someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be all right...and i know maybe you were scared i would get irritated but i tell you it is all right... sometimes just a pat on the shoulder or a hug is more valuable than a thousand words... But thank for being there for me... You said everything will be alright and in the end it really happened and i did better than I thought i could do.

By the way how you find the blog music ... not my first choice but i think it feels hopeful, peaceful and soothing... Haha... it is from my favorite Korean drama series... Haha... I can see eyes rolling already (dun think I dun know). About this girl though she meet many obstacles she never give up on her dreams and always can jump back on her feet optimistically... Haiz... must try to learn from her spirit... Haha...

Tired!!!

Hello... Haiz i feel so tired... but have to stay back in school cause I wanna study for my research Methods test tomorrow... Haiz... only study halfway and I tried to do some of the test questions... pretty confusing... But I know I can do it... Just now I was feeling so tired after school that I almost could not open my eyes... and I was quite dazed the whole day... God please give me strength... haha... I not super woman u know ... I got times when I feel very tired and got no strength but the thing is I dun need to be afraid cause I know who hold my hand... Haha... but sometimes it is nice to get encouragement from other ppl also... To tell you the truth i am not very confident girl... but I will try my best to be more confident...

Then there is the project presentation this coming wednesday and it is sort of last minute that we are rushing (I am doing project at the same time)... Haiz... I find my project group this sememster very disorganised... Well no point complaining... still have to do work... Haha... I JUST HATE PROJECT WORK NOWADAYS!!!

And one more thing is that my student card is not working at all... I dun know why also... but whenever I flash it on the card reader it just wun read anything... Then b4 every lesson I have to go to the front of the lecture theatre and report to the teacher about my faulty card... i have already reported it to the admission office but they said it will take some time b4 the go down and repair my card... Haiz... Sianz... Hope tomorrow will be a better day... I hope I can go taekwondo tomorrow... Haha... Cause this friday I going for the Chinese Orchestra Concert... Xiao Na personally invite me... she is sweet... I really love her... I mean as a sister... When I told her i got tkd she told me to skip once for her then i must support her when she performing... Hmmm... I did not know I give such great encouragement... I am so honoured... I must keep this promise to my friend...I think friendship is very important and I dun want to do anything that the person will lose faith in friendship... (hmmm... maybe cause I have let ppl think that way b4... but i shall try not to make it happen again). Thank you God for giving me a chance to make such good friends... It is not the quantity... rather the quality... Praise God above... and bless all my friends that they may always be happy and in the pink of health. When they are weak pray that you can give me the wisdom to encourage them... Amen... haha.. (how did this become to sound like a prayer)

Impact of your actions!!!

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a footballgame with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said,"Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents,your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never under estimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

Dear Lord let me be an encouragement to other ppl even when I am feeling weak for I know when I am weak it is when I am really strong...

Isn't this like dreamland... must be very cold!!! 

Hmmm... so peaceful... Wonder where this road leads too!!! 

Blessed be the name of the Lord!!!


Hello... today was my practical test and I passed which is very surprising... I was half expecting to fail... Furthernore I got the very sarcastic teacher accessor, sharon Fung... I really wanted to give up... And furthermore I prayed that i won't get blood transfusion cause I never learn on that topic... but when they asked me to pick out of 8 cards i suay suay got the blood transfusion one... I was really depressed and I remember when we were getting ready our equipment my friend was asking me about one of the drugs and I wanted to shout at her to tell her not to ask me these questions at this time... b4 I went for the test I was already thinking of failing... But when i got the blood transfusion one it was like all hope was lost... My mind could not think anymore... i just stood there stunned... When my friend Chan was being assessed I saw how Sharon Fung kept on putting her down by throwing sarcastic remarks... She even commented on my friend English being lousy ... then she said it must be because we all mix with all the china ppl, therefore our english standard drop... Then she kept on saying that my friend sooo slow and never use brain to think... She also said my friend look like she never practice and we always sleeping or playing in class... Seeing this I felt so discouraged... i wanted to tell the the accessor that I give up and i dun want to try but I refrained from it...

I just closed my eyes to pray... My only hope is in you God... I dun know why you give me such a hard scenario but i know there must be a reason... Throughout the test God was guiding me... and i suddenly felt all my anxiety had gone away replaced by a strange strength and a warm feeling in my heart... But i know Sharon Fung told me to summarise the whole case then got a chim chim medical diagnosis but i said it perfectly... i dun think there is a problem with my english... and though she was sarcastic to me I felt more tactful to deal with her sarcasm... I think maybe normally I might have been stunned... And i manage to remember some of the blood transfusion things that i had read b4... thank you God...

Hmmm... actually i feel like writing... But someone distracted me half way through writing the blog and I was quite irritated (though the person got no ill intentions)... after that have no mood to write... I guess I am still quite shocked that I passed the test...

I really think I am going to fail my practical test... I can feel it... but i dun know why I feel so peacefull... ARRRRGGGGHHH,,, Nothing can get in my head now... I think I will screw up........ I hope I dun get blood tansfusion or the Terumo pump case scenario!!!

Two traveling angels

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem." The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die. "Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it." "Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem." Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later...

Some people come into our lives
Some people become friends and stay awhile... leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts... and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!!

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!

Haha... this is for my friend who just failed her practical test... (not saying names here). Dun give up... This is also for anyone that needs to be inspired... haha...

Haha... a nice day...

Hello... I am once again in the computer lab writing my blog... I just love the school somputers although cannot access to certain things like the tag board and friendster... haha... but anyways at least we have computers here... Hhaa... I dunno why... seems like I use the computer more often nowadays... Last year or anytime b4 that I always dreaded to use the computer and only use it to check my email every saturday once a week... haha... I think is a good thing as well as a bad thing... Good in the sense i dun watch so much tv and I can talk to my friends online and write in my bloggie... haha... Bad in the sense sometimes I get lazy to exercise... 9haha... I must remind myself to exercise)...

Anyways tomorrow is my clinical test and I dun feel very adequately prepared... cause for this test I really never practice... Tomorrow the test is on injection, Intravenous therapy and blood transfusin... i hope i dun have to use the machine for IV cause I absolutely hate using it... Not saying it is so hard to operate or anything but it is very sensitive to everything and even on the slightest wrong it will start alarming non stop... Haha... actually I dun really know how to explain but it is just quite irritating to use the Terumo pump sometimes... haiz...wat to do... i am in this course... I have to do it right....

Hmmm... anyways i went to school with Verna today... Haha... and she told me she saw Astro Boy during the time she went to school for Teachers Day... OOOOHHHH.... I am so disapointed... why I never go... Hmmmm.... Haiz... She should have at least taken a picture of astro boy for me to see right.... hmmmph... well i can only blame myself for not going... Haha...

Haha.... anyways now I am now listening to the Ou de yang song.... " Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu"... Haha... is very nice... haha... Haha... suddenly got no mood to write... maybe write later... i will stay in the computer lab for quite a while... So might write again later...

Haiz........ how I am feeling so brain dead now!!!

Yippeee!!!

Hello.. i can't believe it..... Yipppeeee.... !!! I finished my Biology theory and practical.. My feelings for the test are neutral.... Some of the questions i tikam tikam... Haha... Cause I dun think i am adequately prepared... This Thursday is clinical skills assessment ... Also not very confident about that... haha... anyways i dun seem to be confident about anything... Lazy to do projects.... Last time i used to love to do projecs but now I have alotof negative feelings about them... haha... I seem to lost alot of enthusiamn over projects.... I will be very happy if I manage to pass my test... Haha....well is ok... my expectations are not that high... Haha....

Anyways i am having TKD today.... Haha... so excited though will have to go home alone as Kavi not there... haha... We learned the pattern which is pretty boring.. haha... cause having grading next month... really hope can do well... Haha... Kavi told me to teach him how to do the kick properly... Well... I am so honoured... Haha... although my kicking force not big but I think technique is more important... well got to go for lessons already... haha... Bye....

Troubled Heart!~

Oh dear... this is worrying... I feel so unprepared for my biology test... Haiz... wat if I fail... Dear God give me your peace cause i know you are carrying me during this period... All this is just a test for me... Hmmm... Even in the midst of this I hope I can still have peace in my heart... And I pray for all those ppl doing the test with me that they can do it too.... Somehow looking at the book makes me more worried and I am trying to do the MCQ questions online ... haha... got so many I dun know how to answer... Oh stupid me... should have done them sooner... haha... always got regrets... must not be like this... must stop procastinating... haha... I am sure everyone thinks the same way as I do...

I am now in school typing this entry... Haha... I love coming to school.. It is like my second home ... if there was a campus I would be the first one to get one... Haha... I feel so safe at school... haha... thats is why i enjoy every moment in it... especially when I am alone I can feel the peacefullness... This is the same in secondary school... I prefer to study alone cause I can get more done unless I need to ask someone how to do the work.... i remember last time in secondary school me and my group of my friends had hang out places in the school... be it in the library where we would tell each other ghost stories (haha.... they said it was really haunted) and the library had a very homely feeling... Haha... or in the study corner wherewe would gather during recess... or in the canteen b4 school started ... i remember usually if I was early I would sit in the same place everyday(haha..... actually there was a reason for that) and I had a very bad habit of copying homework.... haha.. i would like to go on writing but unfortunately I have to continue studying... haha...

Thank you all my friends!!!
Haha... well to all those who miss me... I am back ... =)... Been down for a while but i can say I am back on my feet... I have realised I carry too much burden and rely too much on my own strength but now I know there is someone out there willing to share it with me and that is none other than my heavenly father God... I hope he still loves me even though sometimes I let him down... This kind of relationship is very hard to explain... but very real... Some of you might think this sort of relationship is ridiculous but I hope you respect my thoughts just as I respect yours... I can just say this is a very real feeling... Sometimes there need to be a stimulus to get us back to track... Haha.. I hope I can d o it... But then again... I am not alone... There are so many friends of mine out there... I am sure we will do it together...

Here is a story that Kavi told me yesterday... Everything happens for a reason... and maybe now we will look to the sky and question the almighty one up there but he has his reason(which we can't possibly understand) but he will show to us in his own time... So even when I feel so hurt and tired and carry lots of burdens I believe all this is for my good and I will benefit from it even though I grumble from time to time...
Jenny also sent me this verse... Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge him and he will guide your heart and minds to Christ Jesus... When she sent it to me I did not really think much of it but then after a while I really got down to understanding the meaning....

Oh... and here is the story...
Foot Prints in the Sand

One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene , I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord. When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand, there was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma. " Lord, you told me when I decided to follow you . You would walk and talk to me all the way . But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I needed you most , you leave me ."
He whispered , " My precious child, I love you and will never leave you never never during your trials and testings . When you saw only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you."---Margret Fishback
God has said " Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" ---Hebrews 13:5

To tell everyone the truth I have read this story many times but only now do i see the true meaning...

Haha... anyways I not trying to convert anyone or anything... I dun really believe in that... I just writing how I feel... I believe this kind of feeling is very personal and must be from your heart... And if anyone feels tired or full of burdens of the past I hope that you know that you are not the only one... I am sure although you may question "WHY???" but there is a reason for everything and hope you take things into stride... The past has gone and even if you hold on to it wat good can it do to you...Treasure the present and work hard for your future...

Haha... anyways tomorrow I have Biology Theory and practical test... and i am so NOT prepared.... Haha... but at leat i got study... Haha... thats the good news... I am really quite unprepared... But I made a few mind maps and I am quite proud of it... Maybe ppl cannot work by using mindmaps but maybe i am one of those weird ppl that can... haha... It all started in secondary school... So last time even when studying for my O levels eg... social studies, science... I was using mind maps... Haha... Actually I think it is a good way to study... haha...

Anyways... haha... i want to write more... but a bit lazy... If I ever see you my friends... I hope you happiness and if you do see me glum please try and make me smile... haha... isn't this world beautiful sometimes... haha... Bye

If I were...
If I were a month I would be: > -->December
If I were a day of the week I would be: > --> fri night
If I were a time of day I would be: > --> 5.30 in the morning (if i can wake up)
If I were a planet I would be: > --> pluto.. but its a few light years away
If I were a sea animal I would be: > --> dolphin
If I were a direction I would be: > --> east
If I were a liquid I would be: > --> water. The ocean to be specific
If I were a tree I would be: > --> an emergent in the forest or maybe a christmas tree
If I were a bird I would be: > -->a robin
If I were a plant I would be: > --> lily or holly
If I were a season I would be: > spring time... the beginning of everything
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: > -->flute or piano!!!
If I were an animal, I would be: > --> cat, rabbit or polar bear
If I were a color, I would be:> --> yellow ,blue or pink
If I were an emotion, I would be: > --> HOPE!!!
If I were a vegetable, I would be: > --> Broccoli or egg plant
If I were a song, I would be: > --> some inspiring song... not heavy metal please
If I were a movie, I would be: > -->The princess diaries
If I were a book, I would be: > --> my textbook... nah!!!
If I were a place, I would be:> --> someplace called home
If I were a material, I would be: > --> cotton... its practical
If I were a taste, I would be:> --> sweet or sour or a mixture
If I were a phrase, I would be: > I CAn!!!
If I were an object, I would be:> --> a butterfly!!
If I were a body part I would be: > --> lips!! *winks*
If I were a facial expression I would be: > -->sweet smile
If I were a subject in school I would be:> --> literature or PE
If I were a cartoon character I would be: > --> Tweety Bird
If I were a shape I would be: > --> a four leaf clover
If I were a number I would be: > --> 24
If I were a painting I would be:> a rainbow
If I were a TV show I would be:> --> some H.K or korean drama... haha

Thoughts of today!!!
Hello... Now I am home watching Meteor Garden... haha... it is quite a nice show... It was so popular last time yet I never watched it... But seriously I prefer the cartoon which is actually the first Japanese anime I ever watched... Haha... Did not do much at home... continued with my essay... pretty satisfied so far... do one step at a time to reach towards my goal... Though I dun really know wat my goal is specifically... i dun find myself hardworking... just doing something that I ought to do... I am not doing extra or anything... I find my mother more hard working... although her job is tough but she said she will not give up... My mother is so determined and persevering and I really respect her although she said she feel very stupid... Sometimes I feel our characters are so similar... i am happy I did not get my dads character cause although he is smart and alert, but he always not determined and always never get things done... Learning from my mother's spirit I must tell myself to work hard ... Do well in my job and earn enough money to let her enjoy life fuller... Bring her to places that she never go to before but always wanted to go... haha... i love her alot... She is such a strong character... although few ppl appreciate wat she has done, I do... I told her today after church i will go and pick her up from work... Then she was very touched... So I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! Me and my mother are both born in the year of the cows... meaning we will have to slog but I not scared... live for the day and as long as you like wat you are doing there is nothing worth regretting...

When i was young my dream was to go to Africa or some third world country and help those poor ppl there... i really really like Mother Theresa cause she was so selfless and noble.... although I really like Singapore but I dunno whether I will stay back... as I grew older my ambition changed to be a librarian (cause that time I was quiet and read books the whole day)... Then when I approached sec. school my ambition changed to be a police woman... I was inspired by the show GI Jane... haha... I really wanted to go to the army... Haha.... I dunno why in secondary 4 I suddenly thought of going nursing... I never thought well of it... it was just in sec 4 mid year I still never thought of where to go... I went to all the JC and poly course websites and slowly looked through all of them.... i really wanted a job that is very meaningful and can help ppl... and nursing is my choice... though my family dun really like it at first but i think it was a right decision...

I rememeber in secondary 4 my school brought us to Sun love Home... Is a home for the intellectually disabled... Although it was a bit scary at first I really learnt alot by going there... The home seems dark and isolated in a ulu Yio Chu kang road... but the ppl are pure in heart and soul... Cause some ppl were locked behind grills cause they are highly dangerous and will attack( thats wat someone said). I believe behind every person there is something worth learning from them... I can't really remember the details but I remember singing with one of the old aunties... I sang some really old chinese songs... and she actually cried ... After that she seemed more happy and I changed to those simple kiddy chinese songs with actions... But it actually took quite some time to get her to open up to me... I was kinda of angry with some of my classmates at that time cause they walked around in groups of 10s and scared the aunty that i was talking to cause they kept on staring at her disgustingly... I believe all the ppl are actually normal... just misunderstood... maybe they need some understanding from ppl... but instead they are met with ridicule and cold malicious looks... Haiz... this world is cruel to do this to them... but then again... i can't say much cause I am in this world... I believe as a nurse they will be able to open up to me more cause I actually do more... Although some might reject me at least I tried... I really hope this world could be a more hopeful place... there is already enough darkness... enough hurt in everyones heart... Although my life is not all happy and has its own fair share of problems I believe God sends these problems to prepare me for wat ever job in the future he wants me to do... This is wat I think... Call me naive or immature but life is short and we never know when we will be gone...

So for all those hurt souls out there dun give up... It is alright to be sad... I suppose this is life... Life is not easy... but not hopeless either...

And I have not given up on my dream to go to third world countries... Haha,... I hope one day it will happen... cause that is a very strong factor why i joined nursing too...

Simple yet inspiring moments...
Hello again... now I suddenly feel an energy spurt... haha... Anyways now I talking to Chan (my classmate ) on Msn... Haiz... i cant believe today is Friday. haiz... and wat have I did... i never even finish a quarter of my studies... but the good thing is I have found almost all my references for my law essay and have written about 4oo words already... need 6oo more only... If i can blog like no tomorrow i can do the essay... I believe i can do it...

Anyways today is a simple day with lots of lessons and inspiring moments... to me only... my brother treated me to lunch... haha... and we had a nice talk actually not exactly nice lah... cause i find it a bit hard to tell him exactly wat i am thinking so in the end we talk about very general things... i guess its like this between brothers and sisters... You dun exactly have to say out you care for them... but they can tell (or at least hopefully)... haha... We had fun gossipping about all our aunties and cousins... haha.. I feel like I am becoming more and more auntie... (thats wat fiona told me... oh dear... how ... she said when i talk i will point my fingers in all directions... haha.,... thats so mean... everything i say is for her own good)

Anyways after that I went to school and it started raining... haiz... In the bus i was so dead tired that i slept all the way through even though a bit uncomfortable bumping my head here and there... haha.... Good thing i had the Ou De yang Cd with me and i listen to it throughout the whole ride... Anyways today is just a non smily day... my face feels super stiff... dunno why... maybe never do stretching of face today... i think it is partly because i having fluctuatng hormone levels now... means sometimes very happy sometimes sianz... sometimes sad... sometimes happy... Haha... i think if i did not have my disc man (actually not mine) with me i would be so bored... On days like these maybe some music can cheer you up... You just want to be alone away from ppl...

Anyways i went to computer lab and actually i was not really using the computer xcept checking e mail... but i was drawing a mind map at the same time... then there was one guy beside me who was so fascinated by my mind maps ... Haha... he told me my mind maps were nice... Anyways i am very happy I made a new friend (though I forgot wat his name is again)... he is from nursing yr.1. Then he told me he so anxious to go out for attachment... then i told him about some of my attachment experiences which he was quite interested to know... Actually I understand how he is feeling cause i have been through this stage b4... its like not very sure wat it is like to really work in the ward... And he actually said thank you for the advice and told me he very encouraged... it was quite a wake up call ... haha... cause i was actually feeling quite sianz and moody before that but once i heard someone complimenting me I actually felt happier... Haha... Anyways gotta sleep now...

A moment to meditate...
Hello to my darling diary... Today is not a very good day for me... Is a day that I just feel like being alone and sort of reflecting... Well this morning i got a huge scolding from my dad... Actually is my fault cause I was suppose to do something which I forgot to do... He told me that I am losing my mind...maybe is true... Haiz... This morning I woke up with a splitting headache... I have decided to buck up... I really want to do well in life... Haha... I tried occupying my mind with doing lots of house work... and packing the house and making the house a more pleasant place... I have decided to be a very responsible daughter... cause I know my father has alot of problems and pressures... Now he is so reduced to this state... I wish my mom was here with me... but she is busy working 15 hours a day in that bloody supermarket called Giant... She seems so tired nowadays... and the worse thing is she is working under ppl ... and they make her carry the heavy boxes even when she so old... I told her to quit and find another job but she say wait a while more... If my mother was here with me I would feel so much comforted cause she would alway pray for me... When i go for exams or attachment she will always wake up very early to make breakfast for me... Haiz... so simple yet so sweet...

Anyways my headache is feeling much better... Haha... maybe I never get enough sleep and I was out the whole day at sentosa ... so a bit tired... furthermore yesterday was a very hot day... Hmm... ok write more soon ... bye...

Lets be grateful!!!
Hello... today is a very normal day... and would I say boring... it is not that I have nothing to do but it is just a very ordinary day... There are ups and downs in life and now is after a peak period and everything is settling down and becoming more stable... I must refresh and rejuvanate myself for the next peak period... Haha... I guess I must be grateful for everything... It is only in times of turmoil that I treasure simple normal days like these... Hmmm... actually I was thinking of starting making friendship bands... i wanna learn the type can put the name in... I remember last time in secondary school during sec.4 there was this secret person in the class that made a friendship band with our name on it for each of us in class and put it under our tables... That was a very nice feeling... Got alot of ppl thought it was me cause i liked making friendship bands then but actually it is not... Haha... and I finally found out who made them... It was sweet and noble of her.... I actually feel like doing something like that but I am lazy and notn determined at all... haha...

Hmmm... today I decided to come to school cause I absolutely cannot study at home... it is too distracting...and at home we can't even turn on the air con ( cause we saving money ) and in the afternoon I really cannot concentrate... My poor brain feels so scorched.... Haiz... is a great time to sleep... so I brought all my things to school... my 2nd home... it sucks... temasek poly is just across the reservoir from my house and i have to take a one hour bus ride to school... I was thinking if only I went to temasek poly would it not be nice... but then again... I love my course and can't think of my self doing anything else... Haha... nursing is always my first choice... and I have tonnes of my sec. sch. friends in TP... but I dun regret... just sometimes a bit sianz to travel here and there...