Hello!!!! Today is one of my hyper days... I practically can't keep still!!!!!!!! haha... Anyway this morning was the exact opposite... I started out more dead than usual.... Me and Verna went to school together.... and I met Kavi's sister Anita on the bus... haha...( such a coincidence) . Anita asked me why I look so dead today and Verna told me i was very cranky and kept on talking nonsense... Haha... Kavi is so lucky... He does not have to go to school every Wednesday... Haiz... i really envy that.... last year i did not have to go to school every Tuesday... Those were the days... haha... I think Kavi and his sister have a very nice brother sister bond... its funny. Everytime I see them together they can't stop bickering.... I know my sibling and me have a nice bond too but sometimes I wish we did not have such a big age gap... Haha... then we would have more things to talk about...

Anyways me and Verna had a very nice talk on the bus and the walk on the way to school... Haha.. i think she looks so sweet in skirt.... Anyways she ask me wat I wanted for my birthday and she said why not she find a boy friend for me... haha... seems like recently alot of ppl saying that to me... Well she said she might be a spinster if she does not find true love... Actually I dun find the problem with being a spinster... Alot of ppl think that by finding love you will have happiness ... I dun want to be happy for a while and regret the rest of my life... if thats the case I rather give other people happiness ( but in a different form eg helping the less fortunate). And even if I find someone I really like or love will that person love me the same... I find that for most ppl (especially males) find it hard to stick to one partner only... After a while they will start to take there partner for granted and look for a new one... I also find that I am not the sort of person to fall in and out of love so quickly... Haha... I once read in my Horoscope that I will be very loyal and once I fall out of love i might not find another one... Therefore I am scared to get hurt... Is it painful to Love... Anyways wat is love... it varies from person to person... Is love wat is between my mother and father... If it is I seriously dun wanna love.... I think if you love you will respect each other and help each other in times of need. My mum said she really regret marrying my father but it is too late to regret I suppose... She spent almost half her life with a man which she still does not understand... And if there is suppose to be respect I sure don't see it. Anyways i won't touch on that topic... Anyways i think how a person views life and love is partly due to upbringing and environment one lives in... Whenever I go jogging sometimes I see old couples brisk walking and holding there hands... I find it so sweet... Haha... i wonder if I will ever be like this with that "someone" or grow old in some slummy old folks home and die with no one by my bed side (supposing i die at a ripe old age) [Haha... i really think very far...]... But I suppose behind every old couple that is a story worth learning from... haha

My mum told me not to force myself to find a suitable partner... If I remain single it might be a blessing... Then I can go and adopt lots of children. This world already has alot of abandoned childre so why produce more... maybe I can make difference to one of them... haha... actually i dun know...

To my good friend... if someone really loves you, he will not think about your past or illness... so do not feel inferior... I am sure you will find someone that really accept you f0r who you are... I believe that is so. Even if you are fat... sickly or ordinary looking he will accept it if he really cares about you... And even if he does not I know God does... cause God created you unique and one in a million billion trillion... i know you are scared to hurt other people cause of your inferiority and scared to lian2 lei4 the other person...but I pray that you will find someone that is right for you.. and if dun have... you still have me...

My mum told me when my she used to be chased by lots of guys cause she was very pretty... well I dun have that trait so I am thankful I dun have that problem.. I once read a handsome husband or pretty wife will always be someone elses and not mine... Then will I ever be anybody's... or someone mine... Maybe ... maybe not... the answer lies in the great unknown future...

As to Fiona question of whether it is better to love or be loved... I think I would like to love first... cause only when you love you know how precious and wat love exactly is... or else I am not worthy to be loved if you dun know wat love is at all... You will just hurt the person even more... But preferably is better if both love each other but that does not usually happen... if I have really lost hope i might just lock my heart away from anyones reach or get someone that loves me... (but i suppose that wun be very good for that person) cause can't love him as much...
But mentalities change... i suppose mine will change in time to come... Who knows life is unpredictable... But love is something that requires great courage and I doubt I have it... haha... I am not the one to take initiative one... Ok bye!!!