Last thing......
Last name: Choo - Zhu (chinese pronounciation)
Last birthday celebrated at: can't remember... do I even celebrate birthdays... hmmm
Last hair cut: a few months ago
Last pierce/tattoo: long long time ago.. ears
Last cry: I dun really keep track... but I think it was a few days ago
Last swear: dun swear unless I am really really very angry
Last song listened: I think it was the song of my blog midi, except there is someone singing it... by Le Couple... it is so soothing
Last watched movie: Face (the korean horror show) yesterday... not too bad...
Last website: Blog
Last yell: cant remember.. maybe at taekwondo ... always have to shout when we kick... more motivating
Last missed call: always... I take forever to pick up calls
Last received call: I think a few days ago...
Last dialled call: yesterday to one of my friends 9dun ask me who???)
Last sms sent: to my father
Last sms received: my father also...
Last bath: i think this morning... must shower more ... now so hot...
Last clubbing place: dun club
Last quarrel: hmmm.... not anytime recently
Last achivement: my turning kick??? oh... and getting distinction for my ICA presentation
Last smile: hmmm.... hard to estimate when cause I smile most of the time leh..
Last time that you fall sick: last month during attachment... guess is stress
Last exercise: just now at tkd... that is real stretching and exercise...
Last time u had a crush(es): define a crush... though i think it has to be recently
Last food eaten: fries from mcdonalds b4 tkd... fats all burn already..
Last drink: some raspberry tea from 7 11.... hmmm. not very nice...
Last things u bought: can't remember... I am brain dead now...
Last hp used: Sony Erricson T100
Last photo taken for yourself: dun like to take but kena forced to during the pot luck...
photos.
Last word u said: Hmmm...
Last thing u touched: keyboard and mouse
Last time u get angry: can't remember... i dun remember such things...
Last person u go out with: go out as in where... if to taekwondo just now is with kavi... if it means as in social gathering is yesterday with jacqueline and chan to watch movie
Last time u make love: ........... no comments....
Last time u brush your teeth: this morning... and later again...
Last mall u went: Bishan Junction 8
Last person u miss: hmmm... I dunno...
Last person u hate: dun hate ppl..
Last person u in love with: ?? dunnO
Last country u went: m'sia : kukup with my friends
Last time u get your pay: hmm.. I get sponsored.... is that good enough
Last person u hugged: jenny??? last week i remember i hugged her cause i feeling down...
Last person u kissed: ;p dun kiss ppl either.
Last person u hold hands with: my china friends...
Last time u felt irritated: today b4 tkd... just a very sianz day for me... even small things make me irritated
Last time u smoke: dun smoke ... but i am a passive smoker
Last time u drink: sunday... I drank 2 jugs of tiger beer... so bitter... it sucks... hey Fiona... remember our plan...
Last time u sang: just now in tkd... i was motivating my friend from the pain from stretching and doing splits so i try distracting her and sang the national anthem... (well she wanted to hear as she from china)
Last hair drop: dun keep note... but i suppose everday...
Last person u had a crush on: dunOOOooo
Last vehicles u sit: e buS 22? hahaz
Last worry: My tests and projects coming.......... arggggggghh... so many deadlines... so little time
Last time u wan to commit suicide: nah... I rather not think... stay simple and think simple thoughts...
Last person that praised you: Sir Suresh... he praise my turning kick, my speed and agility... haha... love him... as a instructor...

My brother's Birthday!!!
Hello... today is my darling brother's birthday... Well I think he is 25... oh such a mature man now... no longer a boy... haha... well he is really very mature to tell you the truth... Hmm... wat did I do... (let me see) ... i woke up pretty early and made breakfast for my mother, brother and grandmother... Of course all of them cannot escape my signature dish... oatmeal... haha... but i got add some sugar to make it nicer... Well my mother go out very early for church... then after church she has to work afternoon shift at "Giant- the supermarket"... Haha... afternoon shift and it ends at 11pm... Haiz... she must be so tired... so I try to do more housework nowadays... Anyway the uniform is so UGLY... I dunno how to describe it... But my mom told me when she is working she feel very happy so i am happy for her... Then my mom say i must take care of myself and remember to eat fruits and cook healthy meals... and wash the cloths and iron them and keep the place tidy... and the list goes on... haha,,,, really very naggy... haha...

After that I woke my grandmother up and got her to eat breakfast . At first she refused but after my persuasion she finally ate.... Well I dun know wat to say about her... Recetly after she came back from the trip to China she become a bit senile and childish... and she cries often... They said she could have suffered a stroke.... thats why she was admitted into TTSH for a few days... Hmm... to be honest I never really like this grandmother... Well its a long story... But she used to be super sharp and alert... I finally find that everyone will one day degenerate no matter how healthy they were in there younger days... I probably degenerate when i am forty and fifty and die around 60... b4 i die i will get serious dementia... cause now i already have partial dementia... Anyways I can tell my grandmother does not like coming to our house... Well actually it must be hard on her... cause b4 she used to live alone and was very independent... (she could even take a bus around singapore) and now after being discharged from the hospital she is suddenly unable to take care of herself and is very forgetful... And the anxiety of being in a new environment takes some adapting to do... She always complains to my father that she is so bored... Cause her eyes are failing her and she does not read newspaper or watch tv anymore... Haiz... and I out of house quite often recently so i dun know how to entertain her... Got one time she dreamt that my brother gave her 500 dollars and when she woke up she started searching all over for the money but could not find it... Then she told my father and my father scolded my grandmother... then she cried like a baby... My sister said it is time to record down things of her cause we dun know when she will live... Haiz... I guess life is like that.... I dun know at my death bed how many things I will remember... maybe I will forget my love ones or forget I ever chatted on msn... or forget I even blogged b4...

Anyways when my father woke up she complained to my father that no one made breakfast for her when actually i did... It sort of makes it seem scary... She can't even remember that she ate an hour ago... Haiz... It makes me sad...

Anyways today my we went out for dinner and my brother and sister force me to drink beer,,, Tiger beer which tastes horrible............ Oh... its so bitter... anyways I drank 2 jugs and my siblings were expecting me to get drunk and "high" but I surprisingly was still quite alert... well they say it runs in the blood... my whole family can hold there liquor well... haha

Hello... hows life for all... For me life is great.... it was a fun day today... Mainly cause I went for my class (actually half the class only) pot luck... as first i did not want to go but i am happy i did in the end cause it really was enjoyable and I got to try out my friend great cooking skills (way better than mine)... After today I am going to go on diet...

Hahaha... I know is like 1 pm now and my brain is half dead now... but i still feel like blogging for a while... Anyways today was a fairly good day.... I woke up and knew it would already be a good day... The weather was cooling.... birds were chirping... the sky was blue... Haha... i just felt simply happy... Happy to live... Life is really precious... I dun understand how some ppl want to give up so easily... I believe wat ever it is dun let your problems overwhelm you no matter how big they are but you should in fact overwhelm your problems... Sometimes you will be sad... but i just find being sad so emotionally draining... It takes so many muscles just to frown but less to smile(! think)... Happiness does not have to be complicated... in fact simple kind actions are the best... I am the sort of person that like receiving letters... small hand made presents or small gifts once in a while... its just so meaningful... You will treasure it for the rest of your life...

Anyways I sorted out some thoughts... Recently I have been feeling kinda down cause of my nursing course... partly how feel like I not suitable or I can't possibly do well... Actually I am just average but I have been lagging behind studies.. Haiz... i am not smart... i am just hard working... so must buck up... I know I have to cause i really want to be a good nurse... Ok got to go now... haha... Anyways tomorrow we having a pot luck at Ai Fang house... really excited...
and I heard this song... by zhang jing xuan... i have the lyrics... i think they really touching... haha... but the song is really nice i think ... is called duan dian i think... How nice if someone sing it to me... haha... i can dream...

Hello.. today i seriously feel like a balloon... haha... actually i felt like crying but I will definately not do it in front of others... I dun want others to see me sad... When i am really alone the feelings in me have been pressed so far back in that I feel numb... Haiz...I am strong... but I dun know how much longer i can take it... i hope God is carrying me through this period...

Actually I am feeling ok now... but it was not the fact this morning... Haiz... my parents quarreled again ... like usual except it has been worse recently... i seriously take my mothers side but not very good to take sides ... Is it worth fighting for and getting myself so upset... I know if i take sides there will be more disharmony in the family... Other people outside might see me happy happy but I seldom talk at home... I am always the quiet one... Whats the point of arguing... Both are from my family... now whenever my parent quarrel I just pretend I never hear anything... I am already very tired... Haiz... recently i dread going back home and seeing my father... thats why I stay in school most of the time... I dunno whether this is affecting me... I guess it has without me knowing it... I guess I never tell people cause I dun want them to get bogged down by my problems as they have there own problems. Whats the point of telling... in the end it is still myself that has to deal with the problem... I try to be strong but sometimes I just feel like breaking down... i am after all human... Haiz...

I love my mother... i have always loved her... She is the most kindest, understanding and motherly mother to me....Although she can be very feirce (even my friends say she looks fierce) I know she loves me too... I love my father... I suppose if he passed away i would be sad... but then again i always get sad when someone passes away... (but I guess i have not been with him for a long time and even if I have it is not quality time)... Last time he used to work in China and would come back once or twice a year to visit me... That was last time... I always felt like a cat when i was younger... A cat that would get patted when the owner was happy and kicked around when the owner is angry or frustrated... haiz... And if you dun know the owner is my father... i guess thats why up to now although he seems harmless I am still reluctant to talk him... I grew up very passive... He was like some army general to me ( actually he is from army one) Those who dun know how quiet i was should ask Fiona how shy I was last time... ... those times he would come back home drunk then would start shouting at us when he was not happy... Sometimes he would start throwing things and I would be so scared... i always admire my sister... she dun care wat my father think... she will fight back... she can make a wrong thing seem right... but then my sister was my fathers favorite... I know my brother also scared of my father last time... but he has grown to be so strong... he is my darling brother... last time he would always eat my left over food , and he taught me division and time tables... and I remember last time when i was about to get a caning from my mother he got protect me one... Haiz... but recently I find he is a changed man... I feel so near yet so far to him...Everything is so formal...

Whenever my mother has problems she will tell me up to the extent that sometimes i wish I did not know... Me and my mother are very close and can talk about almost everything which is good... Usually it is she who does the talking... Life has happy moment, bitter, sad moments but i guess sad moments are more frequent... I was an "accident" and "unplanned"... but she told me it turned out well... Actually I dun feel anything... just plain weird... Apparently all these problems happened b4 i even existed but i guess i was the bind that bind my family back together again...

Anyways why am I feeling so upset today... why other days I never feel so upset... i guess the problem has always been there just that i dun like to touch on it... What is my problem... maybe the problem is I usually keep my problems to myself... (I should slap myself out of this...) I guess life is like this?... I shall go back to being happy... This depressing mood is so not for me...There are already enough depressed ppl... I guess it is ok to be sad once in a while... Hmm... ok... I am feeling tired now... so Bye

My happiness lies in my whole hands... and I won't let anyone take that away... If they attempt to I will just give them my taekwondo turning kick... so approach at your own risk!!!

Hello!!!! Today is one of my hyper days... I practically can't keep still!!!!!!!! haha... Anyway this morning was the exact opposite... I started out more dead than usual.... Me and Verna went to school together.... and I met Kavi's sister Anita on the bus... haha...( such a coincidence) . Anita asked me why I look so dead today and Verna told me i was very cranky and kept on talking nonsense... Haha... Kavi is so lucky... He does not have to go to school every Wednesday... Haiz... i really envy that.... last year i did not have to go to school every Tuesday... Those were the days... haha... I think Kavi and his sister have a very nice brother sister bond... its funny. Everytime I see them together they can't stop bickering.... I know my sibling and me have a nice bond too but sometimes I wish we did not have such a big age gap... Haha... then we would have more things to talk about...

Anyways me and Verna had a very nice talk on the bus and the walk on the way to school... Haha.. i think she looks so sweet in skirt.... Anyways she ask me wat I wanted for my birthday and she said why not she find a boy friend for me... haha... seems like recently alot of ppl saying that to me... Well she said she might be a spinster if she does not find true love... Actually I dun find the problem with being a spinster... Alot of ppl think that by finding love you will have happiness ... I dun want to be happy for a while and regret the rest of my life... if thats the case I rather give other people happiness ( but in a different form eg helping the less fortunate). And even if I find someone I really like or love will that person love me the same... I find that for most ppl (especially males) find it hard to stick to one partner only... After a while they will start to take there partner for granted and look for a new one... I also find that I am not the sort of person to fall in and out of love so quickly... Haha... I once read in my Horoscope that I will be very loyal and once I fall out of love i might not find another one... Therefore I am scared to get hurt... Is it painful to Love... Anyways wat is love... it varies from person to person... Is love wat is between my mother and father... If it is I seriously dun wanna love.... I think if you love you will respect each other and help each other in times of need. My mum said she really regret marrying my father but it is too late to regret I suppose... She spent almost half her life with a man which she still does not understand... And if there is suppose to be respect I sure don't see it. Anyways i won't touch on that topic... Anyways i think how a person views life and love is partly due to upbringing and environment one lives in... Whenever I go jogging sometimes I see old couples brisk walking and holding there hands... I find it so sweet... Haha... i wonder if I will ever be like this with that "someone" or grow old in some slummy old folks home and die with no one by my bed side (supposing i die at a ripe old age) [Haha... i really think very far...]... But I suppose behind every old couple that is a story worth learning from... haha

My mum told me not to force myself to find a suitable partner... If I remain single it might be a blessing... Then I can go and adopt lots of children. This world already has alot of abandoned childre so why produce more... maybe I can make difference to one of them... haha... actually i dun know...

To my good friend... if someone really loves you, he will not think about your past or illness... so do not feel inferior... I am sure you will find someone that really accept you f0r who you are... I believe that is so. Even if you are fat... sickly or ordinary looking he will accept it if he really cares about you... And even if he does not I know God does... cause God created you unique and one in a million billion trillion... i know you are scared to hurt other people cause of your inferiority and scared to lian2 lei4 the other person...but I pray that you will find someone that is right for you.. and if dun have... you still have me...

My mum told me when my she used to be chased by lots of guys cause she was very pretty... well I dun have that trait so I am thankful I dun have that problem.. I once read a handsome husband or pretty wife will always be someone elses and not mine... Then will I ever be anybody's... or someone mine... Maybe ... maybe not... the answer lies in the great unknown future...

As to Fiona question of whether it is better to love or be loved... I think I would like to love first... cause only when you love you know how precious and wat love exactly is... or else I am not worthy to be loved if you dun know wat love is at all... You will just hurt the person even more... But preferably is better if both love each other but that does not usually happen... if I have really lost hope i might just lock my heart away from anyones reach or get someone that loves me... (but i suppose that wun be very good for that person) cause can't love him as much...
But mentalities change... i suppose mine will change in time to come... Who knows life is unpredictable... But love is something that requires great courage and I doubt I have it... haha... I am not the one to take initiative one... Ok bye!!!

Hello... today is quite a busy day... Haiz... actually suppose to go for taekwondo class today but i have tonnes of work to do... Well... Sacrifices have to be made... At least for today... Haiz... Sianz... really wanna go for TKD... I am scared I will fall back behind the rest of the people... No choice... just have the go on Friday (and I am only going for half the lesson due to night classes until 8). And I won't be able to give Fiona's ex friend (or can say my taekwondo senior) the letter that she wrote for him...

Hello... long time no see.... Haha... recently got no inspiration to write blog... Anyways i wrote some long awaited testimonials for my friends... Haha... Today is a nice Monday morning... not very blue... Haha... Anyways today I am going to visit Wai See (my friend whose mother just pass away)... Funny how only death can bring us old friends all together... I actually did not want to go as I was not like super close to her when we were in secondary school... we were just average class mates for 4 years... haha... but we can communicate well thats for sure...

Well Kavi kept on asking me to go... but my mother said is better not to go as these 2 years after 'O' levels i have not been keeping in contact with her and if i suddenly go now is a bit strange... Haiz... Anyways i have decided to go and nothing can deter my decision... Actually thought of writing her a post card but I am soooo lazy to write... i am a hopeless case right... i remember last time in secondary school I sat beside Wai See in class and we would always talk during lessons. She would send me post cards with encouraging notes on them or inspiring stories.... I think she was always a very strong girl... But she never fail to distract me during lessons... hehe....

This morning I feel a bit slow and restless... Dunno why... I took quite some time to get ready to go to school... Haha... everyone knows I am always a slow coach... I even eat very slowly... Haha... Then I went to school with Kavi... I really like going to school on bus... we are always guaranteed a nice comfy seat in a double decker bus (most of the time) and tv mobile to watch... unlike going to school by mrt which is always crowded and 90 percent of the time got no seat... Haha.... I dunno why... I got lots to say but i suddenly dun feel like writing... haha... wish me luck... i still have 3 hours of lecture straight later on... Pray that I dun doze off....

Hello... i am now blogging in the school library. Dun really like using the school computers though... have to book one and there are e learning and internet computers and just now I had to chase away a girl that exceeded her time limit that was using the computer I suppose to use... Anyways nothing much to say... I just feel that life is very brittle... anytime can be gone... My secondary school friend's mother just passed away of breast cancer... Haiz... I am very scared that one day my mother will also pass away like that... If that happens i will be so sad... cause my mother is the best mother I could ever have!!!

Haha... I am feeling so happy and fulfilled today... I actually feel that it has been a productive morning as I have done a fair amount of work... Haha... I actually start school at 12 but i come at 8... Haha... cause I know if I was at home I would surely not have the discipline to do my work... I would probably wake up very late... watch some tv... make my breakfast... then waste a great deal of time... I am a kangaroo... Haha... the times when my brain is the most active in in the morning and at night. In the afternoon it becomes very dead... Haha... I remember last time when I was studying for o levels I always cannot study during afternoons... i would just stare at my book for the whole afternoon and nothing would get in... Haha... then I ended up sleeping. Last time I would always sleep one hour in the afternoon after school. Then I would wake up more refreshed... Unfortunately I dun have the time now... Haiz...

Today I did the CBT on Peripheral Venous Cannulation which is to insert a cannula into someone veins... for example to adm. medication... I think it will quite tough as veins are sometimes quite hard to see... Haiz... and I dun want to poke wrongly... then I would feel so guilty towards the patient... I think Fiona would do well in this topic as she has been poked so many times... Anyways I am going to eat my lunch... I am starving... used quite alot of brain juice... Haha...

Hello... haha... today was quite a fun day... but I am feeling a bit tired and blur now... I had morning classes starting at 8... Haha... I was soooo sleepy and I had to drag myself out of bed... (I did not really have the mood to enjoy the sun rise)reason being yesterday I had taekwondo lesson and I was already very exhausted... and I had to help two of my taekwondo friends from the same lecture theatre scan there cards as they said they would surely come late for the lecture as they were so tired from the taekwondo lesson... Haha.... Anyways today when I look in the mirror I feel so disappointed as I think i look really horrible today... And my hair is so messy today... Haha... Maybe I am too tired...

I had Biology lesson today... Never really paid attention... But it is a really important topic... haha... On the Endocrine system where we have to learn the different glands and the hormones they produce... I was too busy doing last minute changes on transparency for a presentation for the next lesson... haha... I am really scared as I never really start studying Biology... It is really tough compaired to Year 1 work... This year everything seems tougher and more complex and complicated... I hope I can pull through... Anyways Jacqueline was sitting beside me... I sometimes find her damn irritating... I am trying to do my work and listen to the lesson at the same but here is she trying to distract me with other topics... Errrm..... I know she is a nice girl but she can really get on ppl nerves without her knowing... Haiz... I dun know wat to tell her cause it is not something wrong she did... After Biology was our tutorial presentation on Heart Failure... The teacher Veron Loh like to ask alot alot of questions when you presenting. And in our class only Richard (the smartest boy) can answer it... Haiz... I wonder when I will ever be so intelligent... I really feel he is like a walking encyclopedia... haha... I told him that and he said he learnt all this b4...( he was an enrolled nurse b4)... By the time it was time for me to present the time was nearly up... Haha... so Veron Loh did not ask so many questions... I told Jenny how much i want to be as smart and intelligent as Richard... then she said it is best to be myself... Haha...

After that we had to discuss our project and tried looking for our Psychology to ask her about our ICA project that we had to present next week... and she was not in... My china friends all very scared to talk to her as she has a very strong Australian accent... haha..

Lunch was nice... (haha... now you must be thinking I am so long winded... but i feel like writing now... wat ever crap)... I was joking with Ai fang and I kept joking with her until she have nothing to say... She said I am very very mischievious although I dun look so... haha... Looks can be deceiving...

After lunch we went to play badminton... Jacqueline, Raymond, Ai Fang, Xiao Na, Liana, Chan, Alina, Eveline and me... Jenny and Jiang yan did not join as they busy doing project... It was really fun... I sometimes have trouble serving ... haha.... so me, alina, liana and jacqueline (the beginner stage ppl) play together... I think I improve a fair bit... Haha... Just when I was starting to have fun jenny called and told us to assemble as Anne McGown call us back and want to discuss project with us... It was so disappointing as I was having so much fun... haiz...

Hello... my heart feels heavy and I am having difficulty smiling... Haiz... I had classes starting from 8 and when I woke up I had the feeling that I must be independent and make my own breakfast... From now on I will try to improve my cooking skills and wash and iron my own clothes... and try to do the house work... I want to take care of my family... I have confidence except the cooking part... Haha... it is sucky....

Anyways we had a very long lecture on informed consent of invasive procedures... It was interesting but quite theoretical... Haha... i felt sleepy... After which we had clinical on giving blood transfusion... Haha... After lunch me and my friends joined the Gym.. Haha... maybe can go and work out when I have the time...

Anyways my mind is like a piece of blank paper now... so I can't thinkof anything to write...Bye

Hello... Haha.... this is my second time blogging today... funny right... sometimes I dun blog in a long time sometimes I blog too often... Haha... Anyways as you know this morning I went to HPB and got a poster on smoking and it shows how real smoker lungs, heart and airways look... I am thinking of pasting the poster in my father's room.. Haha... just for a gentle reminder wat he is doing to his body... For all those out there if you think of picking up smoking.... think again... it does cause harm to your body and your loved ones...

Anyways today i went out with Alina, Eveline, Jenny and myself... haha... it was really fun... At first not really in a good mood.. But after I met up with Jenny on the same MRT train the day eventually picked up... And I am really happy cause I found out there is a section for Taekwondo under the Olympics in Athens... must go and watch and support my sport... Haha... Maybe I can learn a thing a few from watching... Haha... so proud of my sport although i suck at it... Haha...

Anyways happy talking to Jenny... I find her so mature and responsible and got alot of leadership qualities but sometimes i find her very tired from work... is know but sometimes a bit reluctant to help cause i dun want to get too involved... I was really involved the last 2 semesters and in the end i got real burned out... I am just a coward... i guess... But she is always so patient with me ... haha

We met at City Hall at 5.30 and I was real happy to see Alina... Haha... i started patting her head... haha... then Evelina came all dressed up in her favorite colour... pink... Haha,.. like usual... Anyways we walked around and decided to find somewhere to eat give our selves a treat... Haha... and we ate Kenny Rogers... Haha... a bit expensive but how often do we eat out like that... (maybe one day can bring Fiona... haha)... It was really nice... I ate the Chicken drumstick set(luckily I did not get breast meat ) which consisted of chicken, and we could pick 2 side dishes which I picked... corn and potato salad and a muffin and drank green tea... Haha... Actually should have taken the macaroni and cheese... haha... Anyways we had a fun time eating and talking together... Cause they can be considered my closest friends ... haha... Once again I shall emphasize that i thank God for giving me these friends... anyways we had a heartful dinner... haha... Eveline is the carefree one... jenny is the more serious one... Alina is the more easy to bully (especially by me one) and I am the more mischievious and humorous one... haha... Anyways one thing although is small but I feel like mentioning ... i do not like waiters and waitresses when I still have not gone off to collect my trays or plates... They sort of give the non verbal language for me to speed up and go... Haha.... ok... anyways I got to go now and catch some sleep... haha ok ... bye

Hello... today was a fairly ok day for me... But I was fairly tired for the start of the day... (Dunno why recently I feel so fatigued)... And I have aching body and lower back pain (probably because I hit my back yesterday on the computer table edge)... Hmm... quite pain...

I accompanied Verna to the Health promotion Board to collect brochures and pamphlets on smoking and other health related issues... reason being she needed it for her project... I took as much reasources as I could... You never know when you would need it... Haha... And they gave away free posters too... (on health )... Is nice going out with Verna even though we were both a bit tired today... Haha... we were contemplating whether to go out after collecting brochures but decided to go back and sleep... Haha... And after taking a one hour nap I feel much more refreshed... haha...

Ok... later me, Jenny, Alina and Eveline going out together for some spook show... Haha... hope it will be fun...

Hello..... Hmmm.... today is Friday the 13 th... Is not a good day for me... In fact this week has not been a very week for me... I just feel so drained of energy... I am suppose to be doing something productive and studying but instead I am listening to music and writing my blog... I feel a bit guilty but I really dun have the mood to do e learning now...

Haha.... actually today my class start at 1... but I came at 9.30... Haha... I did some of my CBT... and research on my project...After which I had lunch with Jacqueline... Haha... She say I eat very slow... Haha... is a bad habit since young... can't really change... actually can change but I never make the effort... Haha... I once told one of my patients that I eat very slow and she say ppl who eat slowly have a good life.... Haha.,.,.. errrrrrrmmmm.... dunno how true is that.... Haha...

After that I went for the SHS Event on "Prevention of AIDS". Learnt quite alot... Haha.... For those that think AIDS is caused by mosquito bites or sharing the same drink or toilet seats that is so ignorant... Haha... And there was someone who demonstrated to me on how to put on a condom... haha... and after that I had to demonstrate it and I got a free condom... Haha... errm... The condom is very oily and sticky...

Anyways I am feeling so moody now and dun know wat to do... Ai fang told me to do my work but I really dun have any mood to do it... But I decided when I am very sad I will try to bury myself in my work to try to forget it... maybe it will be better... Anyways for all those who encouraged me during this period ... thank you... I will have my moody days or weeks... (hopefully not forever) but with you all around I feel so much relieved.... Thank you... Just now Alina came to my computer and started patting my head like a baby... Haha... Is funny but I feel much better... So sometimes a little therapeutic touch is good... Haha...

But nowadays I feel my self becoming more stupid and useless... Haiz... I guess everyone has down periods...

Hello... today was a fairly dreary day for me... I was brain dead for half of the day (especially in the after noon)... Anyways I started school at 10 but i went at 8... I met up with Kavi and Verna and i was not as chatty and cheerful as usual... Pretty sleepy and tired in fact...So everyone was rather quiet... Haha... i told them if I suddenly dozed off they must forgive me... Haha.... Anyways on the walk from AMK to school we suddenly got lame and crazy... We named Kavi "Lame Boy"... Verna was "Cat Woman" and I was "Astro Girl"... Haha... Why they call me that.. Haha... they said although I was small I was the strongest among them... Haha... Then "lame Boy" blurted out where was "astro boy"? ... Haha... and he blurted out someones name... Haha... Anyways that "astro boy" was only during my secondary school days... Hmmm.... I wonder where "Astro boy" is ... hehe.... but it has been so long... I am sure he has forgotten me... Haha... but I feel very happy whenever i think of "Astro boy"... Anyways is a long story... but i feel like it was yesterday...Maybe one day when I have time i shall write my long story... haha.. Anyways I hope "Lame boy" will find "Astro boy " for me since they used to be friends... Haha... Anyways "Cat Woman" told me why not I consider "Lame Boy" and i could not contain my laughter... I think "lame Boy" is the sort of person who can become a monk... haha... or maybe he is the type that want the girl to chase him...Haha.,... Anyways she told me she dun think it is very possible between "Astro Boy" and me cause both of us are in different world... I just know he is alive but I dun know how he is. I hope he is always happy and healthy.... Haiz........ Maybe its just my naive thinking...

Anyways after that I had to meet Fiona to get from her the Jay Chou CD that she wanted to lend to Jacqueline... Haha... and she was late for lesson.... Hmmm.... Anyways happy to see her with her usual yellow out fit... I bought for her lemon Just Tea... haha.... After that I went to Mc Donalds to buy a sausage mc muffin and I sat beside the koi pond admiring the nice scenery once again.... and reading a book on diabetes at the same time (for my dreaded project)... The place I was sitting on was invested with black ants and I got chased away by them... Haiz, poor me right... Anyways it was so peaceful I almost slept had I not been chased away by the black ants...

I went to the e plaza and had no mood to do anything... I just listened to my my friend's Ou De Yang CD (which I supose to return her) and took a short nap again... haha... until eventually I felt so guilty i decided to study on my injections... haha

I find the topic on Parenteral injection quite tough... cause we had a clinical lesson on it today... There are so many sites to inject... and so many different sort of medications... and as students we have to know the whole procedure as we have a skills assessment on this... Also many different sorts of medications, sizes... and loads of things we have to remember... i find even one time of looking through CBT is not enough... must look at least 3 to 4 times... I shall practice my injections more tomorrow... Haha

Hmmm.... wat else to say... oh... I ate chicken glutinous rice for lunch and drank a cup of coffee... cause i was feeling so sleepy... and i still had to discuss my project in the afternoon...

We went to the library to do research and discuss project... There is a ungraded presentation tomorrow that me and Zhang Jin prepare and going to present... on Maternal and Infant Care... haha... but I like presentations if I know wat to say and emphasize on... I dun like to read everything straight from transparency... But sometimes when i present I will get shy too if I try to maintain eye contact with my audience... Haha.... I must be brave....

Anyways i feel the results for research on the other projects quite fruitless... I dun feel so enthusiastic about doing projects as last semester... haiz.... dunno why... Anyways I got to go and sleep now... Bye...

Hi... I am home blogging... Well today is not a very eventful day... sort of sianz I suppose... Anyways I just tried practicing the turning kick for my taekwondo which i tried so hard yesterday and managed to get it... Furthermore I try using my left leg (which is my weaker leg) ... It is sort of a big achievement for me... The instructor said when we practice anything be it kicking or punching (or maybe can apply to life) we try using the weaker side... cause most ppl will want to start practicing using there stronger side until they get too used to it that they find it very hard to train the weaker side... I think although ppl like me might not be very bright but as long as we dun give up I am sure one day we will succeed... or hopefully... hehe

Helloo!!! I have not been blogging for quite some time... Haha... have been quite busy... Today I actually ended classes at 11... but then I have a stupid make up lesson (which was suppose to be on national day) from 5 to 7... Haiz... The lecturer for that module is the lecture I do not really like... she really hates our class cause she says we are the worst class... Please lah... is not really our fault ... is just a few ppl in class pull us down... Besides that I think my class is nice...

Me and my sub group went to the library to try doing some research on our project topic... which turned out to be quite fruitless cause everybody was so sianz and tired... Everybody was really stressed cause we have so many projects coming together... Haha... at least we tried... Anyways I got more to say but I have no mood to write now... so bye for now...

Hello... today was a fairly good day... Nothing disastrous happened... Besides the fact that my body muscles are aching... Especially my thighs and stomach muscles... I still have not recovered from my taekwondo on tuesday... My toe sore is recovering slowly but my mom told me not to go for this friday training... Hmmm... I shall see my condition tomorrow... My mom told me to apply aloe vera juice onto my broken skin wound on my toe... IT REALLY WORKS... The aloe vera is not the processed type... I really bought the Aloe Vera plant from Sheng Siong Market... And cut the meat of the plant into cubes... then squeeze the juice onto my toes... Haha... I know it sounds disgusting... Aloe vera juice is really bitter and slimy so if you want to eat the cubes it is a good idea to boil them (then wun be so bitter) then can add honey...

Well this morning I had lessons at 10 but I went at 8 reason being that I wanted to go to school with Verna and Kavi... Feels so good to be with them... Just like the good days in secondary school when we would always go to school together... Haha... then we would talk about anything under the sun... Haha... Verna lent me her Ocean CD (Ou De Yang)... She said it is very nice... Haha... I am listening to it now and it is not bad... most of his songs are quite nice... Even Kavi said he like Ocean songs alot although he does not understand wat they are singing (Dun play play ... although he is Tamil he can speak Chinese) hahaha... Verna and me are planning to watch the show "The Village" this Sunday... Haha... it seems like quite a spooky show... We trying to get Kavi to come along too but he always very busy (Boo Hoo)... Verna also told me her dog (Lucky) died of renal failure. It is sad cause i remember I used to go to her house Lucky would always bark at me whenever I went near (probably can smell the cat smell). Anyways I think she has become more mature... haha... got ppl like her also... haha... Anyways I am happy for her... Seems like I am the only one heading to the path of spinsterhood... haha... And I think Verna looks so sweet in long hair... Haha... on the way to school during the long walk from AMK to school they were supporting on to me as i was so unstable an d made me walk infront of them in case i fell... Haha... I thank God for giving me such good friends... Haha...

When I reached school the computer lab had not opened yet. I drank a cup of coffee from the vending machine and someone who was also drinking from the same vending machine starting picking up a conversation with me... Haha... I made a new acquaintance friend from Dental therapy... She (i forgot her name) always go to Health Promotion Board which is near SGH for attachment... haha...so happy god really blesses me to make new friends... haha

After that (as the computer lab had not opened ) I went by the fountain and Koi pond and sat at the side... It was so peaceful... I think it is very important for everyone to have some quiet time by one self... take time to reflect on ones actions and enjoy the simple pleasures of life by oneself... enjoy the nice cool morning and the sprinkles of fountain water on my face... the moist feeling from morning dew... the flapping of the koi in the pond... Too bad i can't see a rainbow... I need an indication of renewed hope. I know hope comes from oneself but if I saw a rainbow I would be more refreshed and enthusiastic to face the challenges of life... haha... I might not make sense to some... Anyways i told myself I will ride a bicycle around Bedok reservoir this saturday and just enjoy nature and just relax and have some time to myself... Get away from ppl and the hust and bust of life... Anyways i got to go... I have Bio practical on male repro system.... Well Bye

I am feeling so sianz today!!!!!!!! Bored.... And I am walking around with a limp... reason being my poor toes are injured due to yesterday Taekwondo lesson..... Haiz.... I dun want to say anymore lah... Anyways today did not start off too well for me... Last night I slept pretty late cause I made my dinner very late into the night... This morning I had morning lessons had had to wake up around 5.30.... I was dreading to get out of my comfy bed..... I decided to take a bus 22 and alight near Ang Mo Kio interchange and take a straight bus to the entrance of the school..... I was limping and trying to run and when i got on the bus I realised I forgot to bring my bus card....... Haiz..... and i had absolutely no money on me except 20 cents.... Luckily the bus driver was very nice and accepted the 20 cents.... errm... haha...I ask him whether he would be driving the bus at the same time tomorrow so I cannot pay my bus fare that I owe him but he say never mind.......... Feel so consoled to see such a nice person.... Haha....Anyways i alighted at AMK and could not take a bus... I had to walk all the way to school..... It was really painful.....and also cannot walk so fast.... I just feel so sianz today..................

Today my sister told me in the real corporate world it never pays to be kind and nice. Cause they can never go up the ladder. They only get stepped on. So it is hard to balance being nice and achieving success in career... Sometimes i find my sister a bit unsculpholous (dunno how to spell) but I know deep inside she is a really kind person... It is just circumstances force her to be the way she is now. This real world is full of back stabbers and gossippers. During my attachment I already can see it happening already. I know when I pass out as a real staff nurse I will experience the effect but I can consider myself lucky cause it is sure better than working in real business companies where ppl are really competing for watever it is being promotion, money etc... At least in nursing I have a aim... My aim is for the patient well being...Everything is secondary... whether it is relationship with doctors or other nurses...

Never give up without a fight... Haiz dunno whether I can fight till the end...