HIhi!!! Today is finally Friday... I can rest for 2 days b4 going back to work again... Hehe... Anyways today is a rather depressing day... I made alot of stupid mistakes and I feel so blur... Sometimes I hate myself for being blur at the wrong time... Haha... but it happens sometimes, especially when you already feeling pretty lousy (I was feeling quite sick for the last few days)and there are those not so nice staff nurses around picking on you... I think all the bad things always come at the same time... Sometimes it is more peaceful, sometimes there are alot of things happening until you cannot fully comprehend wat is happening and they sort of overwhelm you... But I feel in life there are bound to lots of experiences to experience. So we must remain strong...

Usually when I am sad it does not last for very long... I do not usually tell ppl cause I dun know whether they will really understand it. Whenever I feel hurt or anything I will usually smile and shake it off and tell myself to learn from my mistake but I guess today I was not really in an optimistic mood. Quite a series of events that finally made me almost break down at work...I just felt so hopeless and just wanted to stop right there and get away from ppl... Unfortunately my job is surrounded by ppl... My head went blank and I could not really concentrate...I really wanted to go over to one of those empty beds and hide myself behind the covers... Furthermore wat is worse is that I am in the High Dependency ward (something like Intensive care) but it is for those ppl after the operation. It is quite demanding as have to observe patient vital signs hourly, some have IV drip and have to make sure got how much left and some are under morphine and must check how must of the morphine has been absorbed into the body... Must also check Oxygen level and oxygen saturation... etc... I was finding it really hard to concentrate...

How am I supposed to be a good nurse if I keep on making these stupid small mistakes... Haiz... Just now I was really feeling hopeless and trash to the nursing world...To the extent of thinking... How in the world did I manage to make it here... I can be such an extreme person... If I happy, means very happy, sad , means very sad... Anyways just now I was thinking really negatively...

I got back my clinical diary... Did quite well... probabaly because of the interview by the sister yesterday... said I am very pleasant and shows real interest in nursing and learning... blah blah.... Haha... I dun think I deserve the marks...

I think God wants me to go through all this so I can become a better person... I am sure he is there some where looking after me... Just that I am too blind to see... Anyways I thank God for my friend Fiona... cause to have such a friend like her is really a blessing... I was really feeling like a choked up sink just now (it was like the feeling want to cry but nothing come out)... I really tried to sleep but I kept on tossing and turning... Then I saw Fiona online... At least her presence made me feel more comforted... Then I told her almost wat had happened at work... I really felt relieved... then today in a very long time I cried.... Haha... It was not alot... Crying is quite rare for me cause sometimes I feel it shows a weak side of me... But it is sometimes quite an effective method... Maybe I should cry more often??? haha... of course cry sparingly at appropriate times... That all I can write today...