Today I having afternoon shift again... just 4 more days of attachment and I am free... I am approaching year 2 where I will have to learn alot of things and accept more responsibilities... I hope I can take them and dun let them overwhelm me... I feel like I am at the sea shore and there are tsunamis approaching me, one after another... Off course the largest one is yet to come...

I have decided I will not play fairyland anymore...Do you know the mousey guy and his friend Ee-ling who are also from nursing play fairy land. Although they ask me to play but I still think better not... When school reopens I predict I will have alot of tests and projects... So I want to concentrate fully on it... I think I will get a CCA too... But if I get one I want to make sure I will stick to it cause I am not the sort of person that will jump CCA... If I get in I will be very loyal one... Haha... But loyalty never got me anywhere... Haha... Actually I ws thinking of joining Taekwondo but it has lessons 3 times a week for 2 and a half hours... I dunno whether I can take or not...

My time table is in a way that I do not have to come for classes on Tuesday... but my lessons mostly end at 7 or 8 pm... The day my lessons end on 8 pm is a FRIDAY.... Means I can't really go out after that... so sad... I rather my off day be Friday... I remember last year when I was in year one semester one, every friday i will definately go out one with my friends...Ok... got lots more to say but feeling a bit tired... Bye

Hello... today I feel kind of confused. When i wake up I felt as if there were alot of things on my mind but I dun exactly know wat they are... Haha... I know I already blog this morning but I suddenly feel like writing... I was talking to my secondary school friend that just came back from a mission trip... Then she said she really enjoyed it seeing the new believers come to Christ... It reminded me that some time back another friend, Jenny ask me whether I can consider going for a mission trip but instead is by a team of health care providers that give basic healthcare such as dressing etc... to villages in poor countries... In terms of skill I think I am not up to standard but i am sure that can be improved... I feel as if I really want to go over and help out cause these ppl really need help. However it is a mission trip... I always thought in a mission trip you suppose to act all holy and start preaching and bring ppl to God... I think I am so uncapable of that... My faith in God is also not very strong I find and sometimes I find it wavering... I feel if I want to go on a mission trip I must be strongly convicted... Either I believe fully or dun believe at all... If I go for this mission trip I know the Lord will not be happy cause I do not go with the right heart. I also feel sometimes I am drifting away from God...

Hello, today actually I was suppose to go back to my poly to collect my clinical diary and change the sticker for my name tag but I refuse to go cause it is only a trivial matter ( not as if they can't pass it to me when school reopens). I do not want to waste my time and money spent on transportation to go all the way to school just for that. Anyways I just gave Alina my name tag and ask her to get my new year 2 clinical diary... Haiz... time flies so fast...

Anyways yesterday Fiona sms me say she got into nursing... She must be very happy... I am happy for her...

I feel so inspired to write about one of one of my patients... He is a Singh that is suffering from diabetes and he got both his legs amputated. Sometimes I have to bring him to the toilet to shower by trasferring on the commode but he is quite independent. He is on Peritonial dialysis which has to be done 4 times a day... Peritoneal dialysis is a different kind of dialysis from Hemo-dialysis, the one with the machine that takes out your blood, cleans it and transfers it back into the body. Peritoneal dialysis is a cheaper method and can be done at home wheras Hemo-dialysis has to be done in the dialysis centre... He says he was on Hemo-dialysis at first but he could not stand it as it was very painful and his veins became big and some of his veins were destroyed... Under Hemo-dialysis he always felt weak...

It is very sad cause he told me last time he used to be a policeman but now he is reduced to this... so he told me must not be too serious about life... He also had 2 children and one of them died of cancer 2 years ago... He says it is still very painful in his heart to think of her death...

In spite of all this he still faces life strongly... He is very chatty in the ward and always picks up conversations with the other patients... He told me he had the encouragement of his wife who is very supportive...Although it was an arranged marriage by his parents and he found her ugly at first... she was the most caring and kind woman in his life and he never regretted marrying her... Thats so sweet...

During the time when the staff nurse was taking out the stitches of his amputated leg me, Alina, Jiang Yan and Aifang were all watching and when he was in pain we all held his hand... He said he felt very relieved and encouraged...

Yesterday is the last day we would get to see him in hospital... This is good news... He said he treated us (me, Alina, Jiang Yan and Aifang) as daughters and even gave us his address to visit him cause he said he was at home everyday... Thats so nice... I must go and visit him when I have the time...

Seeing him made me feel that everyone will get sick sooner or later... We just hope later than sooner... It is how you pick yourself up after the sickness... This world might not look at you the same anymore and might even give you weird stares but in the end it is how you look at yourself that is the most important... It is also important to have family memebers and friends to support you...

They Cant take that away from me

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

CHORUS:
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See
I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade

'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me

No
They can't take this
Precious love
l'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go

They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But 1 won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach

Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

By:Mariah Carey

Hello... today was another day of attachment... I woke up at 9 pm and watched a bit of TV... I watched some Korean drama that I bought from Cash Converters for a very reasonable price... Now I am also listening to this this very meaningful song by mariah Carey called "They Can't take it away from me"... Haha... I shall try to find the lyrics...

On the way to work i bumped into my secondary school friend (Kavi) sister... She is a 2nd year nursing student... She told me about how she is not really looking forward to entering year 3 three and told me that time passes very fast... I fully agree. She also told me to enjjoy my student years... I will.. I have only these few years left to be in school and the rest of my life to work... Although next time I want to go university but that will be when I specialise in something in nursing, is not like you start something from scratch... I dun really feel confident to enter into year 2 cause I find sometimes I not very stable in doing work and I can get blur from time to time... My sec. sch. friend's sister (Anita) told me she sometimes also quite blur so it can't be so bad for me cause she has so much more experience in clinical setting than me...

Me and Anita both hate it when the first day is afternoon shift and the next day is morning... there are so few hours to sleep... Sleep is very important to me... When i very tired I get eye bags and am not pretty anymore.... haha...but I try to force myself to be full of energy... haha...

Hi... today as you read from Alina's blog is a rather fulfilling and enriching experience at the ward... I was dead tired by the time i came back... A good but tiring day at work... When I came back me and my mother had a long talk for about 3 hours... I was a bit overwhelmed cause she told me alot of things...like her whole life experiences. It is surprising you know... I never knew she went through so much... Anyways she told me some things that really shocked me... She said i old enough to understand... I feel a bit bitter... and disappointed, not that I did not know before... just that I thot it is better to stay ignorant...

My dream is I can become those sort of nurse that go to places that need health care... cause there are really alot of ppl that are less fortunate than me that dun have enough health care... I think I might not get married cause I dun want to put so high hopes on it... But only God knows... Haha...=)

" Prayer Of Saint Francis "
Sarah Mclachlan
( Surfacing )


Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.

O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive-
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.


This is the verse I got from watching a story about Mother Theresa's life. I learnt this song in secondary school when I was in Girl's Brigade. This verse really shows unconditional love... I know it is hard to achieve but there are really less unfortunate ppl out there that need understanding and love... and sometimes we are just too preoccupied in our stuff to notice them. I pray that God will make me an instrument of peace... in my own small way now... But I believe I can do it...

1. Your name spelled backwards?
» nyloj oohc il nahs

2. Where were your parents born?
» Singapore

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto
your computer?
» Fairy Land!!! (the game)

4. Last time you swam in a pool?
» quite long ago le.... the chlorine is bad for skin and hair... and when you are swimming you are under direct sunlight (which can cause skin cancer), swim in early morning or evening better

5. Have you ever been in a school play?
» yepz. \quite a few times in primary school

6. HOw many children do u plan to have?
» if I dun get married no children unless I adopt children that is a different story.... If I do get married, hopefully 3 children. As for the gender it is up to God to decide... What ever gender it is must bring it up properly... Haha

7. Type of music you dislike most?
» I dun like that sort of dance music, heavy metal or chinese opera

8. Are you registered to vote?
» nopezz

9. Do you have cable?
» yes, basic packeage... I love to watch AXN

10. Have you ever ridden on a mop?
» no i prefer brooms..

11. Ever prank call anybody?
» Yep... I think so...

12. Ever get a parking ticket?
» i take public transport. not interested in having car also... It contributes to more air pollution

13. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
» sky diving. it's nicer

14. Farthest place you ever traveled?
» China... I used to live there

15. Do you have a garden?
» No

16. Do you really know all the words to your
national anthem?
» I think so... I am pretty patriotic...

17. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
» shower, nitey, morning sometimes to wake myself up...

18. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
» Haha... let me see... the last show I watch is "passion of Christ" and "The Haunted mansion"... Is more than a month ago...

19. Favorite pizza topping?
» Cheese!~

20. Chips or popcorn?
» both, but they not really healthy... but who cares...

21. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
» I dun wear lipsticks... i dun put makeups.. Maybe sometimes just put lip ice to protect my lips and bring out the pinkish of my lips... Other than thats, its about all... haha

22. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
» for wat? just throw away the shells la~!! :P

23. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
» Haha.. I am thick skinned but not in this aspect. I also cannot make it one, under height etc... and I definately dun like doing cat walk and walking around in tiny bikinis... but sometimes will admire them for being so pretty...

24. Orange Juice or apple?
» Apple juice...

25. When and who was the last person u went out
on a date?
» Let me see... Dunno... cause I can't remember a time I ever had a date...

26. Favorite type chocolate bar?
» I like Twix... haha... very fatty... basically I dun really eat chocolate cause it is heaty and bad for skin ...

27. When was the last time you voted at the
polls?
» mi dun vote.. >.<

28. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
» nopez.. i dun grow tomatoes, but I do buy cherry tomatoes from Sheng Siong... haha

29. Have you ever won a trophy?
» Yep, wat type... swimming, running ( biathlon)

30. Are you a good cook?
» hmm.. can pass la. but I prefer not to cook unless circumstances force me to

31. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
» no.. u mean those static feather dusters at
the special price of 9.90 each n it comes w a
free mini static feather duster if u call within
the next 5 mins?? haha.. (haha... copy right from fiona answer)

32. Sprite or 7-up?
» Sprite... but actually to me they taste the same

33. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to
work?
» yeps.. Burger King... ugly greasy oversized uniform with the stupid cap... now I wear the tight fitting nurse uniform for attachment...

34. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
» dun buy anything there..

35. Ever thrown up in public?
» yepz

36. Would you prefer being a millionaire or
find true love?
» Finding true love... is more valuable than money... money can always be earned but true love is hard to come by...

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
» Maybe...

38. Can exs be friends?
» yep.. why not?

39. Who was the last person you visited in a
hospital?
» erm... hard question for me to answer... I visited my patients... Haha... If you mean friend would be Fiona...

40. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a
baby?
» no..

41. What message is on your answering machine?
» nothing...

42. What was the name of your first pet?
Twinkle... my pet rabbit... actually I think I had some other pets b4 that...

» 43. What is in your room?
» extra thin mattresses to sleep on, table, books, all over the table...

44. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
» Let me see... pray sometimes...drink water... set alarm clock...

45. What is one thing you are grateful for
today?
» Having friends to accompany mi ^^

HIhi!!! Today is finally Friday... I can rest for 2 days b4 going back to work again... Hehe... Anyways today is a rather depressing day... I made alot of stupid mistakes and I feel so blur... Sometimes I hate myself for being blur at the wrong time... Haha... but it happens sometimes, especially when you already feeling pretty lousy (I was feeling quite sick for the last few days)and there are those not so nice staff nurses around picking on you... I think all the bad things always come at the same time... Sometimes it is more peaceful, sometimes there are alot of things happening until you cannot fully comprehend wat is happening and they sort of overwhelm you... But I feel in life there are bound to lots of experiences to experience. So we must remain strong...

Usually when I am sad it does not last for very long... I do not usually tell ppl cause I dun know whether they will really understand it. Whenever I feel hurt or anything I will usually smile and shake it off and tell myself to learn from my mistake but I guess today I was not really in an optimistic mood. Quite a series of events that finally made me almost break down at work...I just felt so hopeless and just wanted to stop right there and get away from ppl... Unfortunately my job is surrounded by ppl... My head went blank and I could not really concentrate...I really wanted to go over to one of those empty beds and hide myself behind the covers... Furthermore wat is worse is that I am in the High Dependency ward (something like Intensive care) but it is for those ppl after the operation. It is quite demanding as have to observe patient vital signs hourly, some have IV drip and have to make sure got how much left and some are under morphine and must check how must of the morphine has been absorbed into the body... Must also check Oxygen level and oxygen saturation... etc... I was finding it really hard to concentrate...

How am I supposed to be a good nurse if I keep on making these stupid small mistakes... Haiz... Just now I was really feeling hopeless and trash to the nursing world...To the extent of thinking... How in the world did I manage to make it here... I can be such an extreme person... If I happy, means very happy, sad , means very sad... Anyways just now I was thinking really negatively...

I got back my clinical diary... Did quite well... probabaly because of the interview by the sister yesterday... said I am very pleasant and shows real interest in nursing and learning... blah blah.... Haha... I dun think I deserve the marks...

I think God wants me to go through all this so I can become a better person... I am sure he is there some where looking after me... Just that I am too blind to see... Anyways I thank God for my friend Fiona... cause to have such a friend like her is really a blessing... I was really feeling like a choked up sink just now (it was like the feeling want to cry but nothing come out)... I really tried to sleep but I kept on tossing and turning... Then I saw Fiona online... At least her presence made me feel more comforted... Then I told her almost wat had happened at work... I really felt relieved... then today in a very long time I cried.... Haha... It was not alot... Crying is quite rare for me cause sometimes I feel it shows a weak side of me... But it is sometimes quite an effective method... Maybe I should cry more often??? haha... of course cry sparingly at appropriate times... That all I can write today...

Hello, it has been quite a while since I last wrote. Today I had morning shift.... i was damn tired cause the day b4 I had afternoon shift and I came back at 10.30. This morning I woke up at 4.40... I had like 4 to 5 hours sleep which is really bad... It is bad for health, skin and well being... i dun wanna get eye bags and wrinkles... Then I won't be pretty anymore... haha...

Haha...anyways this week has been pretty tough for me... Alot of set backs i should say... but I know they are all events that polish up my character and personality... Hopefully one day i will be shiny and outstanding as a polished jade... Haha... sounds funny right... Anyways to all those student nurses out there, dun give us just because someone puts you down. Must stay stronger than b4... Be thick skinned!!! thats my motto... I believe one day my thick skinness will pay off... hopefully... haha... Anyways I need to go off to sleep now...

Hello... I know it has been a few days since I last wrote... i have been really busy and preoccupied with work... It is really tiring... I can't really say wat I am doing is fun all the way. There are happy times, stressful times, frustrated times and so on... There are some "chores" I dun really like to do but as long as overall you love what you are doing you will accept it...

This attachment I am in the Orthopaedics ward. I am posted to take care of those patients who have joint replacement such as hip and knee. Today I was doing morning shift which is 7 to 3. I woke up at 4.45 am. Haha... i really want to describe my day butsuddenly I have this urge to sleep ... Haha.... I can only say I did lots of assisted baths today which is wheeling the patients to the toilet and helping them to shower... One of the patients said she really likes me to bathe her cause I am really considerate and gentle... I dunno whther I should be happy or wat... I mean it is not really something I can brag abt.... Haha... Just like I am good at answering call bells...

Hello.... How are you all... Today I woke up and played Fairy Land. I joined some clan. Haha... but my level still very low... I wanna become a martial artist. Fiona is a Acolyte of Light (that uses white magic). She says she used to be a lousy one but I think she is rather powerful now... Haha...
I
Its funny when I am playing she is not playing and when she is playing I am not playing... I hope her friend (Cerinade) will come back cause she seems love sick (like a wife waiting for her husband to return) Haha... In fact they are engaged to be married (in the game that is). I shall give them my blessings... Haha... Then I met my nursing friend Verna in fairy land and she very happy cause she just finish her attachment and starting holidays> As for me It is the reverse...

Yeah... I feel pretty happy to start attachment but I feel time flies very fast when you are enjoying yourself... I dun want my student years to pass cause I think as a student there is still alot of free time and enthusiasm. But as a working adult after doing the job for many years I am scared I will lose the enthusiasm I started out with... (If that happens I would probabaly put myself in A and E or something). Although as a student you are bombarded with assignments and projects it is still fun and you still have a bit of the sheltered feeling that you feel in schools... When you are working, it is like you have to stand on your own 2 feet and must be independent, must be tactful in situations cause you in the frontline and nurses are the one that come in contact the most so even if you are nervous you must hide it. Doctors actually are very busy and come at ungodly times of the day to observe or see the patient then they will explain to the patient or the family members. Usually the patients dun understand wat the doctors say so the nurses have to listen as well and explain to the patient in simple terms...

There was once I did last office (cleaning of the body)for the first time in the cancer ward during chinese new year eve. The staff nurse that I assisted told me to clean the body like a normal person... I felt pretty weird (can't really understand the feeling). I even got warm water to sponge the patient and gently scrubbed her. She was all cold and stiff and when i tried closing her eyes it would not close so I just said "Auntie, please rest in peace" then said a silent prayer. After a while it closed. There was this unbearable smell from the body but it was not really affect me. What affected me was that the few days b4 I had bathed that patient and even talked to her... Though she was weak and never reply me in words or anything but she did smile at me. I even sang her chinese new year songs behind the curtains... After that incident I was in a really in a bad state of mind and even scowled at one of my friends when she asked me something... I just wanted to be left alone, unfortunately it was still the beginning of the day and I still had lots of work to do and working in the cancer ward most of the patients were depressed. I took a short toilet break and reflected... In the end I told myself that although I could not do much for the deceased, I must try to help and comfort those who had not yet died and I must not give up on them... So I went back a happier person in my heart. I did not find the need to cry... Why cry... It won' really get me anywhere...(but some times I do feel like a choked up sink... Haha). My happy times are when I have finish all my work I will go from the first bed to the last in the ward and start talking to the ppl... You can learn lots of stuff... Ok =, I got tonnes to say but little time. Hope I enjoy my attachment...

And pray for my friend fiona that she can get a sponsorship for nursing... I know she really wants to get in... Have to go now...

Hello, How are you. Today I feel really exhausted. That is because I slept at 6.30 a.m this morning... and woke up at 9 this morning to buy breakfast for my whole family.

As you know my brother came back home last night... My sister picked me up at home at 11.30p.m last night in my brother in law's car (it is a very fast car and I could practically feel it speeding). I was pretty excited waiting at the arrival hall and my sister made a bet that anyone who could spot my brother first would get THE PRIZE: 50 cents.... I tried my best to look for my brother but in the end it was my brother in law (Barry) that won the bet... Haha, I wasn't that hard up on getting the prize...

I saw my brother from afar and he looked a bit fatter than before... I was so excited and acted like a monkey trying to get him to notice me. In the end he eventually did... well it turned out those were not fats but in fact muscles... I actually tried poking him and his muscles were HARD!!!

I felt a bit weird seeing my brother again. I mean it has been a really long time sice I last saw him. His English has really improved I have to say and he sort of has the American slang. Well I can't say it is wrong or anything, it sure beats Singaporean English which I think is dumb...I mean I think they use "Singlish" as a way to cover there bad grammer and vocabulary... I mean I am not saying my English is very good but at least I do not do it intentionally. I hate shows like "Phua Chu Kang". It bring a feeling of disgust and revulsion to me when the show is proudly promoting Singaporean English...

My brother brought back lots of luggage consisting of his clothes, computer, PLAYSTATION 2, some books and many other things that I cannot bother to say... I was actually excited to see him but when I saw him I felt a bit at loss at wat to do... should i hug him or wat. In the end I just showed him my emotion less face and welcomed him back to Singapore... Haha... I can't help it... Everytime I dunno how to react I will try to hide my emotions with the emotionless face. Like I hurt myself and I dun wat other ppl to see, or I dunno how to react to embarrassing situations in the hospital (which occurs very often) or actually I am very surprised but I can;t show it... There are good and bad points of a emotion less face... But of course my face is not always emotionless... sometimes at suitable times I am very dramatic...

And you know wat, my brother whom I thot quit smoking is still SMOKING. And my brother in law, sister and brother all started smoking outside Changi Airport... Haiz... I feel like a victim... I am a passive smoker if you dun know... They are slowly torturing me to a painful death... I could get Lung Cancer or something like that... I mean I am a nurse and I suppose to encourage them to kick the habit and I am still trying. I have been trying ever since I remember. If you dun know my sister has been smoking since 16 and she is now 30 and my brother since he was 14 and he is now 24... Haiz. my father is also a heavy smoker too. Everyone except me and my mother smokes... WHY!!!

Ok, I have lots more to say but I too tired to type anymore... Haha... Bye and good night... I gonna sleep soon...